Did Adam love me? Yes.
Did I love him? Of course.
Was I jealous? Hell yes!
She was his ex, for heaven’s sake! He almost married her! Once in his life, she was the love of his life. His life once revolved around her. Wasn’t that reason enough for me to feel this way? For me to feel threatened?
Or was I just being paranoid and irrational? I was already married to Adam but here was I, thinking about these things…
Maya ordered food for us and as we were waiting for the delivery, she cornered me. She worked in a firm and she knew how to make someone talk. And though I was better at her with this, she cracked me open.
“So, it’s about the ex?” she asked with her forehead creased. “Seriously, Bree?”
I didn’t understand why she was responding this way. She was my best friend! And I knew that entailed that she support me in whatever crazy decision I do and whatever stupid emotion I was feeling. I knew this because I did this. Maya was one crazy person and I had to go through all of her craziness throughout college.
“What? Aren’t I allowed to get jealous anymore?” I asked, my voice laced with slight annoyance. I knew this was crazy. So what if Adam was having dinner with his ex? So what if after our talk—after I admitted that I was jealous of his ex—he still had the gut to have dinner with her?
She shook her head.
“No. It’s just that you’ve always been so self-assured.”
I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to respond.
“You’re your own person, Bree, and that’s what I admired the most about you. You didn’t take shit from anyone—though I still am not sure if it’s because you’re confident or you just grew numb because of your family. But either way, this,” she said and pointed at me, “this is not you, Bree.”
The silence grew. I hated it. I hated hearing the truth from her… I hated knowing that I was changing. That I was slowly becoming the person I thought I would never be.
I was never jealous.
I was never weak.
I was neverthis.
But somehow along the way, I was starting to become the person I never wanted to be. I was slowly becoming my own nightmare.
“Adam adores you. The man is crazy for you! If he could, he’d kiss the ground you walk on!”
“It’s not that…” I managed to find my voice despite every little prickling pain I was feeling in my heart.
“Then what?”
I drew a deep breath and looked at her. She was looking at me with utmost disappointment. And it freaking hurt.
“What if his feelings for her return?” I croaked, every word felt like a slice on my chest. I didn’t want to imagine Adam with someone else. God, it would kill me! I knew I used to think that it was impossible for someone to bethisin love with someone but Adam changed my perspective in life. He made me believe in love. He made me want to believe in forever.
He made methis.
He made mehis.
And I just didn’t want for this to be shattered.
“Come on, Bree…” she said, exasperatedly. “She’s the ex—past.”
“You didn’t see her. You didn’t see how she looks at him!” I said, my voice rising as memories of them together flashed inside my mind. I was so stupid to look her up the Internet.Lauren Du Pnt—the heiress, the ex fiance, the most sought after bachelorette across the states.
“So? What matters is how he looks at her. Did he look like he’s in love with her?” And I was silent for a moment. “See? You’re just being stupid, Bree,” she said and sighed. “Look, Adam’s the best thing that happened to you, remember? You said that to me once.”
I smiled bitterly at the thought.
“Don’t let that thing go, Bree,” she urged. “Not everyone gets to havethatthing.”
Maya hugged me after that and somehow, that made me feel better. Adam had always told me he loved me and I always believed him. I just didn’t know why this jealousy was eating me away. Maybe it was because deep inside my heart, I was an insecure girl. Maybe I wasn’t fine at all. Maybe my family really did a number on me and the ugly effects were just showing now.
God, I hated this.
I planned to stay the night because though my mind was a bit clear now, I didn’t want to go to an empty house. I called and was informed that Adam hadn’t come home yet. I had to lie to myself. I had to convince myself that that didn’t hurt.
I wanted to be understanding but it was so hard! It was like everything about that woman screamed chaos!
So I told Maya that I was staying for the night because I terribly missed her… which I did… but that wasn’t the sole reason. God, I hoped tomorrow, everything will be alright.
The next morning, I woke up early and called the driver to pick me up. When I arrived home, I sa…