She has long and wavy hair that reaches her lower back. Her face was unblemished by makeup; cosmetics didn’t touch her lips. She’s all-natural. She has a graceful stride and cheerful eyes. But what I adored the most was her gorgeous smile. The first time I saw her on campus, I knew I would marry her someday. I was a hopeless romantic, head-over-heals deeply infatuated with her.
But I was timid back then. Kung may organisasyon ng mga torpe noon sa bansa, ako ang presidente ng chapter sa amin. Ang dami kong pinalamapas na crushes noon.
Meron naman akong mga naka “MU” even back in elementary days pero we were too young to define whatever closeness my crush and I had. Yung after ilang weeks, una tampuhan. Tapos ilang araw magkakaroon ng inisan. Then hanggang balik sa ordinary. Classmate or seatmates na lang ulit.
Before I met her, I had girlfriends naman. Start din sa simple crush. Tatabihan kumain. Sabayan sa pag-uwi. Dadalawin sakay ang bike kapag weekend. But there was really nothing special. After break-up, hangout lang with friends, jamming with barkada, mag-shot kung minsan, but moved on na talaga.
Before her, lahat ng major crushes ko ay pinalampas ko. Sabi ko sa sarili, may susunod pa, or meron pa akong makikilala o makikitang iba. The higher the infatuation kase, the higher degree din nang katorpehan ko. Later on, however, I realized that I was simply a typical teenager na insecure lang talaga.
Takot mapahiya, takot mabasted. I was afraid to suffer rejection from someone I liked so much. I thought the worst thing that could happen was that the feeling of great affection could suddenly turn into a sorrowful affliction in case of an outright rejection.
But when I caught a glimpse of her. I finally decided to take the risk—the risk of getting hurt badly. Siya na yung hinihintay kong “love of my life,” at kahit ma-reject ako, at least nag-try ako. Sabi ko bahala na.
I was determined to approach her the next time I saw her.
Kaya inabangan ko siya sa umaga pag-pasok sa school. Pag recess at lunch, hanap ko din siya. Sa uwian, ayaw kong dumating kaagad ang mga ka-service ko para hindi pa muna kami umalis at mahanap ko na siya.
Kaso, hindi ko siya makita ulit at kung makita ko naman ay may kasama siya or ako naman ang may kasama.
Hindi ako makatyempo kaya several days, or a couple of weeks akong hindi mapakali. I don’t know her name yet, so I don’t know what to scribble on my notebooks, sa lamesa, armchairs, and walls. I doodled possible names that could go with her pretty face, like Christine, Angelica, Elizabeth, Luisa, Catherine, or Rebecca.
I couldn’t focus in school and had trouble falling asleep at night. My infatuation almost became a borderline obsession. I thought that I must have her. I felt I was nursing a high-grade fever for several days, and I could not find or approach her during those days.
Eventually, at last, it happened, but in an entirely unexpected manner.
I saw her from a distance.
Sa Building D, third-floor, papunta siya sa direction ng girl’s restroom (Eastside, girl’s restrooms, Westside, boy’s CR naman). Doon ko siya nakitang papunta. Nag “mam-may-I-go-out,” yata siyang mag-isa at ako naman ay nasa opposite sa Building E, at sa third-floor din.
Nakaupo ako sa tabi ng bintana at natanaw ko siya. Nag-ubo-ubuhan ako kunwari at hindi ko kunwari mapigilan at lumabas ako ng classroom. Pag-labas, kumaripas ako nang takbo para matyempuhan ko siya sa hallway nila.
Kung sa restroom nga siya talaga pupunta, mga at-least 5 minutes siya doon sa loob. At maybe, another 1 to 2 minutes para siya makabalik sa classroom nila.
Pagdaan kong nagmamadali sa may courtyard ay may narinig ako na, “hoy, hindi pa break,” sigaw ni kuya Bong na isa sa security guard sa campus.
“Opo kuya saglit lang, punta po ako clinic,” ang alibi ko na lang.
Nilaktawan ko yung ibang mga steps doon sa hagdanan that lead to the part of the hallway that was closest to the restroom where she could be in.
Hingal akong nakarating sa third floor nila at sa sobrang taranta ko ay muntik na akong pumasok sa restroom ng girls. Buti napatingin ako sa hallway at nakita ko siyang naglalakad na papalayo pabalik sa classroom.
I thought that at any moment, she could enter any of the rooms. But before that could happen, maski hingal na ako, I ran towards her. When I saw her starting to approach her classroom’s door, I went faster, trying to catch up with her. I went closer, but not too close, just enough for her to hear me.
“Miss…” ang pag sabi ko habang humuhingal pa.
Hawak na niya yung doorknob when she turned around to face me. She was perplexed. She looked around, and when she noticed that we were the only persons in the hallway, she spoke in the most lovely voice, “Oh, ah..ano yun?
Hingal akong nakahawak sa bewang, at medyo naka-lean forward ng kaunti dahil sa pagod. Pero maski hinahabol ko pa rin yung hininga ko dahil sa pagtakbo at sobrang kaba, I managed to smile and say, “ah…Hi!”
She gave me the most beautiful smile and said, “hello!”
But she was still a little confused.
Realizing that classes were ongoing, I said, “pwedi ba kitang maka-usap mamya?”
“Ah, about what?”
“Hm, ah…wala lang…ah, what’s your name?”
Still smiling at me, she replied, “Jessica.”
So na-gets na niya that I wanted to meet her at makipagkilala.
“Ah…sige daan ka sa service namin.”
“Saan banda?”
“Dun sa harap ni tita Grace.” (isa sa school vendor)
“Oh, alin dun?”
“Yung blue na…”
“Yung kay Tito Frank?”
“Oo, dun…sige pasok na ko,” she politely said.
“Ok sige, puntahan kita mamya…bye.”
“Bye…”
Pumasok siya sa classroom at nung isara niyang yung door ay humarap pa siya sa akin habang sinasara niya yung pinto at nag-smile ulit siya sa akin.
Sa sobrang saya ko ay parang timugil ang oras at si Joey Generoso lang ang naririnig ko na kumakanta ng “Got to Believe In Magic.” Balik ako sa classroom, naglalakad, kamay sa bulsa, nakangiti. Tanong ni kuya Bong, “Oh, anong masakit sa’yo?
“Ok na po ako kuya, wala na akong lagnat.”
—-
After class, deretso ako sa service ni Jessica.
“Tito Frank, mano po.” Nagmano ako sa pinsan ng mama ko na matagal nang driver ng mga school services. Naka-upo siya dun sa harap ng store in Tita Grace with other drivers. Naghihintay sila ng mga estudyante na ihahatid pauwi.
“Uy, komusta?”
“Ok lang po,” sagot ko naman, habang hawak ulit ako sa straps ng shoulder bag ko.
“May bibilhan ka ba dito kay Grace?”
“Ah, wala naman po.”
“Anong balita?”
“Service niyo po pala si Jessica?”
Gets na kaagad ni Tito Frank ang sadya ko kaya, napatawag siya, “Jess, may naghahanap sa’yo, yung pinaka-mabait kong pamangkin.”
Pabulong naman akong nagsabi, “Tito, wag po tayong obvious.”
Few meters lang yung entrance ng sasakyan sa amin at nakatali yung handle ng pinto sa may bakal malapit sa bumper. Napatingin si Jessica sa isle ng service at binigyan niya ako ng mahinhin at matipid na hand-wave pero nakangiti naman ang lips at pati eyes niya sa akin.
Tang-inang kantchawan ng mga ka-serive niya, halos sabay-sabay na nag, “Yiheeey.”
“Hi Jess,…hi Jessica!”
“Hi!”
Hawak ko pa rin ang straps ng backpack ko at nag-gesture ako with my head na baba siya muna. Tumayo si Jessica from her seat at pinapalo nang folded na pamaypay yung mga ka-service niya na nangangantyaw habang pababa siya.
Kaso pagkababa niya, nagsalitang pabiro si Tito Frank habang kinakampay ang kamay na pina-pabalik siya, “Oy Jess, balik, balik, balik sa loob. Bawal ang ligawan dito.”
Umakyat ng tumatawa si Jessica habang nag, “Oowww” ang mga intrigera at itrigero niyang ka-service. Lumapit si Tito Frank sa sasakyan at sumanadal, patong ang mga braso at mga siko sa bintana ng service niya.
“Ikaw, dalaga ka na…nagpapaligaw ka sa kalsada.”
“Hindi naman po ako nagpapaligaw,” depensa naman ni Jessica.
“Dati ang liit-liit mu pa ngayon, nagpapaligaw ka na,” asar ulit ni Tito.
“Uy, may kakausapin lang po, nagpapaligaw na kaagad?”
Tuloy ang pag-biro ni Tito Frank, “Dati nung grade 3 ka, palaging kang umiiyak pag sinusundo kita sa umaga…ngayon dalaga ka na.”
Nilakasan ni Tito iyon para marinig ko. Yung tawa ng mga ka-service ay parang nagsasabi na totoo yung nangyari.
“Uy, hindi po, no,” Pero umaamin ang ngiti niya.
“Siguro napapalo ka sa mama mo kasi ang bagal mung kumilos sa umaga.”
“Paano po kaya, masyado kayong maagang dumarating,” paliwanag naman niya.”
“Eh, mahal na prinsesa, hindi lang po kayo ang susunduin,” pa-sarcastic naman na banat ni Tito.
Tawanan ang mga ka-service niya at nang nakita ako ni Jessica na na-kikitawa din ay, habang kagat ang labi, itinaas niya yung kamao niya na parang nagsasabi na, “tawa-tawa ka din dyan, suntikin kita, eh…”
Pigil ang tawa ni Tito Frank nang asarin pa niya si Jessica na, “Siguro tamad kang ngumuya, pinaparada mu yung pagkain mo sa loob ng pisngi mo no?”
Grabeng mang-asar si Tito Frank at tawanan silang lahat.
“IIIYYY, grabe ka Tito Frank,” sabi ni Jessica at saka pilit niyang sinasara yung bintana kung saan nakapatong ang mga braso ni Tito Frank.
Ang saya nung moment na yun. Si Tito Frank talaga yung naging ice-breaker. Malamang, ta-te-ti-to-tu lang ako dahil sa kaba kung kaagad kaming nag-usap ni Jessica.
“O ano, sabay ka sa’kin. Tapus hatid na kita sa inyo,” sabi naman sa akin ni Tito Frank sa akin. Pagkasabi ni Tito Frank iyon ay, susmaryosep, lalong nagsigawan at nag-tilian yung ibang mga kaservice niya dahil kasama akong maghahatid.
Ganon talaga kasi sa service kung walang lilipat ng school ay lalaki kayong magkakasama from grade-school until high school graduation. Halos walang agwat, or kaunting agwat lang, ang mga grade level ng mga mag-kakaservice kaya mga close din sila sa isa’t isa.
Sakay naman ako sa service nila. Umupo ako sa tabi ni Tito Frank. Payatot ako nun kaya kasya ako doon sa left side niya.
Narealized ko na isang subdivision lang ang pagitan ng subdivision namin nina Jessica at madalas akong makarating dun sa lugar nila kapag nag-bibike.
Mababang pader lang ang mga boundaries ng mga subdivisions at alam ku yung mga short-cuts at footpaths sa mga at bakanteng lote. Pero syempre malaki yung subdivision at hindi ko naman kilala si Jessica noon.
—-
Simple life lang noon. Medyu halus one year din akong nan-ligaw sa kanya pero okay naman, and I cherished the time na sinusuyo ko siya. I like her so much, and I would rather go through proper courtship even if it had taken a while because she’s exceptional.
Nakakapunta ako sa kanila at friendly ang mga parents niya (my future in-laws). I showed her parents that I’m responsible and even shared with them my plans. That’s why they appreciated me as the person that could be a potential boyfriend for their daughter.
Her parents always let me stay for lunch or dinner during the weekends. One weekend, hindi pa niya ako sinasagot noon, pinuntahan ko siyang naka-bike lang ako. Dahil nakalabas yung aso dun sa isang bahay kung saan madalas akong dumaan, umikot ako at sa kabilang dulo ng street nila ako dumaan. I passed by a house na merong red roses sa harap. Feeling romantic, pumitas ako ng lima para ibigay sa kanya.
Doorbell ako sa kanila. She was expecting me so she opened the gate.
“Hi, Jessica!”
Nanlaki yung mga mata niya at napa, “Wow!”
“Ah, yes, roses for you pala!”
“I mean wow talaga!”
“Ah, eh you’re welcome.”
“Wow ka talaga no,” medyo natatawa siya at natataranta.”
“Hmm, bakit?” Tanong ko.
“San mo galing yan?”
I answered her proudly, “Pinitas ko para sa’yo,” sabay smile at abot sa kanya.
Kinuha naman niya, at kinikilig pero natatawa na rin, “well, obviously pinitas mo…” sabay hila sa t-shirt ko papasok sa gate.
“Teka, yung bike ko…”
“Bilisan mo baka makita ka ni ninang Tina.”
“Bakit naman?”
“Dun mu kase kinuha yung mga roses.” Alam niya dahil familiar siya sa garden ng ninang niya.
“Ah?”
“Lagot ka favorite niya mga yan.”
“Oh, ang dami namang roses dun,” medyo nagpapanic kong sinabi.
“Alam niya kapag may kumuha.”
“Eh, malay ko ba,” paliwanag ko naman.
Lumabas ang mama niya kaya lumapit ako at nag-mano. Napatingin ang mommy niya sa hawak ni Jessica.
“Hala, kina mareng Tina yan no?”
“Ah, opo,” sagot ko naman maski that moment ko lang na-realized kung kanino yung mga halaman.
“Naku huwag ka nang dadaan doon.”
“Wala namang pong nakakita.”
“Isusumbong ka ni Jessica, ninang niya yon,” sabay tawa mommy niya.
Pag-pasok ng mommy niya, “hala, isusumbong kita…” ang asar naman sa akin ni Jessica.
“Sige isumbong mo. Okay lang na makulong…”
Hinampas niya ako ng bahagya ng mga roses sa noo, “kulong ka dyan…ang corny mo.” Pero halatang kinikilig siya.
Hinila niya ako dun sa garden naman nila, at dun pumunta banda sa may metal na upuan na magkaharap. Pero naka-attached ito sa malaking frame at nag-swiwing yung magkaharap na upuan. Meron din itong metal na apakan na kasamang nag-swiswing.
Sa sobrang kilig niya, she stepped closer to me, raised her body by tiptoeing, leaned to my face without touching me, and kissed me sa lips quickly. Because it was her first time kissing a boy, she kissed me with her closed lips.
That was our first kiss.
If anyone could remember the first time they felt the butterfly in the stomach when kissing one’s crush or holding their hand for the first time, that was what I felt.
Obviously, we’re MU, but the kiss confirmed our feelings for each other.
The touch of her lips for the first time was heavenly. My heart was pounding fast. I was briefly immobilized because I was astonished that she was the one who initiated it. In my mind, I thank the dog for scaring me and her ninang Tina for her roses.
She seemed comfortable initiating the kiss because we had known each other, and I’d been courting her for a while.
The swing set was on the left side of their house. It could fit four people on one side. As a sign of respect for her parents, I would not sit beside her and stay on the other side, facing her. But her parents never checked on us, and when it was time to eat, the maid (Ate Rona) would come to us to invite us inside.
There was no window directly facing the swing set because it was almost at the rear, close to a small pond na merong religious images. We would still hear the opening of the front screen door whenever someone was coming out. While anyone could walk around the house perimeter within the gate and walls, rarely would someone come from the other side.
After she kissed me, we sat on the same side of the swing, facing away from the primary ingress. I was on the right side, closer to the house’s wall, and she sat on my left side.
My left thigh was touching her right thigh, the closest we sat next to each other in her home. We were both wearing shorts, and I felt her skin.
We turned our necks and faced each other. After she checked that no one was around, we leaned over and kissed again.
Our lips touched for a few seconds, and she removed her lips to check again. She was excited and anxious at the same time because her parents were just inside, and ate Rona was almost finished preparing food at the table. We could hear the clanking of silverware on the plates as ate Rona arranged the dining table.
But our main warning was the front screen door. Realizing that it hadn’t made any noise yet, we leaned on each other again and sealed our closed lips. It was fantastic. Her breathing was getting heavier because of her excitement and anxiousness. We would disengage our lips, look at each other’s eyes, smile, and kiss again. Then, we would pause and listen to see if someone was around. She’d giggle before we resumed.
I held her right hand with my left hand and placed our hands on the top of my left thigh. The back part of her hand was resting on my skin. I didn’t have to hold her head because she kept leaning on me to kiss each other.
Once in a while, while our lips still touched, she would turn her head and open her eyes to see if someone was coming. Then she’d face me and kiss me again.
Our lips touched longer and longer, and her breathings were slow and deep. As our lips pressed, I sucked her lips very softly, so she could feel more pressure other than the pressure brought by my leaning on her. She responded by gently sucking my lips, too.
Knowing that her mom, dad, ate Rona, and siblings might catch us made our first making-out very thrilling.
…