Naalimpungatan ako because I felt my pussy was wet, and my right nipple was being played. Nung una, ayoko muna magmulat ng mata because I might be dreaming. I tried counting one to ten, but I lost my count at four palang because I could no longer contain my moan when I felt that there was something trying to get inside my pussy. I reached my right breast, and may fingers nga that were lightly pinching my erect nipple. Napaangat ang ulo ko to check my bottom, my right leg was spread out at naka angat pa.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. I felt the urge to lick your beautiful pussy, Lanz.”
“J-just g-go on Liaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” I was the one who couldn’t contain to moan. Sino bang hindi when your pussy is being eaten to wake you up.
He continued to lick my wet pussy, at tinignan ko ang paligid, madilim pa. I don’t mind kung anong oras na, but the feeling and sensation, was superb. Hindi masyadong nagtagal sa paglick si Liam, or maybe he was licking me for longer time. I reached for his head paangat, I kissed him and tasted my own juice sa bibig niya.
“Li-Liam, Honey…”
“Hmm?”
“Can you please fuck me from behind. Let’s do the spoon position please.” he kissed me back, at nahiga siya sa left side ko, I turned to my right, at iniusli ko ang pwetan ko, so he could have access to my wet pussy from behind. I reached for his cock and damn, it was so hard. I rubbed it saglit sa pussy lips ko lubricate it, and then I guided it to my glory hole.
He held his own cock at nilinyahan niya ang pussy ko that made me moan. When he reached his destination, he slowly thrusted his hard cock to my wet pussy.
“Aaaaahhhhhhhhh sssoooo ggoooodddd Liiaaahhhhmmm.”
“Yes aaahhhhh ang init sa loob mo, ang sarap.”
Nang makapasok na ng buo yung cock niya, hindi muna siya gumalaw, he just stayed as is. He caressed my breast and kissed my nape. I arched my back, ang sarap sa pakiramdam with his bare chest to my bare back.
“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” I let soft moans out of my mouth when we started thrusting from behind slowly.
I turned around so I could kiss him. Nagtagal kami sa ganung position until we came out. When he was about to remove his cock inside me, I asked him to just let it stay there. He grabbed the comforter and covered our naked bodies.
We woke up around nine in the morning. Good thing was that we had a handful of items so we did not have to pack so much. He took his shower first dahil he needed to check his car din. He shouted to let me know na papunta na siya sa parking area. Ako naman ay dumiretso na sa reception after. Pinagtitinginan naman ako sa lounge when I walked past them because I was wearing my khaki short shorts and white crop top. Feeling ko nun, sobrang blooming ko. I was about to call him when he saw me, walking. I bit my lower lip kasi naka white Ts siya at jeans, at naka shades, pormahang Adam Levine.
Nung malapit na ako sa kanya, he stretched out his hand at holding hands kaming naglakad. Lakas makababae, sheesh. We went straight na sa car, at naka bukas na yun at malamig na nung pumasok kami. Hindi na kami namili pa ng mga pasalubong since wala namang nakakaalam na magkasama kami ng three nights. Diretso niya na akong hinatid sa bahay namin. I even invited him na mag stay over nalang since late night na nung dumating kami ng Manila, pero need daw niya umuwi muna. Hindi na ako nagpilit, I think, enough naman na yung stay namin sa Ilocos.
For the next three days, constant ang communication namin, we’d text for the day and call sa gabi. He told me na natanggap na siya bilang isang IT sa isang bank company sa Taguig. I was so happy for him, na I even invited him na pumunta sa bahay at mag celebrate but he declined, so I let him be.
Kinabukasan nun, naisipan ko na magpaka mall rat, and messaged Liam if he can go with me, pero wala akong nakuhang response from him. So I went to Glorietta in Makati alone. I was looking for a place to take my lunch, pero almost puno lahat halos lahat ng kainan, so I settled nalang sa Gloria Maris. After eating my lunch, naisipan ko lang mag cross sa Greenbelt and look around, window shopping. It was three in the afternoon when I tried calling Liam, and his phone just kept on ringing. I did it again the second time, and to no avail. I told myself baka busy or may ginagawa siya or my client. I walked on until I decided to enter Starbucks. My plan was to take my drink with me at mag stroll, pero last minute I decided to stay nalang sa Starbucks and sat down near the glass wall, watching passers-by. I checked my phone pero walang sms or call from Liam. I checked my email, wala din.
I emptied my drink and patayo na sana ako when I saw a familiar face na naglalakad sa labas, di ako pwede magkamali, si Liam yun at may kasama itong babae. I sat down again at inantay ko ang pag pass nila sa Starbucks. I checked my phone, wala talaga siyang message for me. When we were in Ilocos, sinabi ko nang ready ako sa kahit anong result, as long as I will fight, but seeing him with another woman, iba padin ang pakiramdam. Masakit. I am intently looking sa babaeng kasama niya. She has a fair skin color, slim with curves at the right places, I think we have the same boobs size. She was wearing a dress while Liam was wearing a corporate dress na naka loose. Lampas shoulder ang buhok na wavy sa dulo. Instantly, I thought maybe this was the woman who he mentioned sa Ilocos. Di ko maiwasang makipag compare, and yes, I felt insecure that time, iba talaga pag nakita mo na, upfront and I can say she is equally beautifully with me. The worst part of the feeling was that I saw him laughing, a heartily laugh which I never saw nung kaming dalawa lang. When they passed Starbucks, lumabas na din ako and walked the opposite side at umuwi na. I lost my appetite to go window shopping. I was planing na i-invite siyang magdinner that night pa naman.
I went home at nagmukmok lang, nag replay sa utak ko yung nakita ko earlier that day and sobrang nalungkot ako din talaga. Gustuhin ko man magselos, but who am I to feel it in the first place? It was ten in the evening when Liam called me. Nung una, ayokong sagutin, naiinis ako, not sure kung sa kanya ba o sa nakita ko kanina. He tried calling again, and on the third time, sinagot ko na din, nasa labas daw siya ng bahay. Napabangon ako ng kama agad, at lumabas ng bahay. I was already in my PJs when I opened the gate. He was standing there, nakasandal sa kotse niya.
“Hi.”
“H-hey, Liam.”
“Are you asleep, did I disturb you?”
“Not yet, but I am about to sleep na din. Why are you here, let’s go inside.” napayuko siya, hindi sumasagot.
“Lanz, can we talk? Now?” hindi niya padin ako tinitgnan that time.
“S-sure. Do you prefer na dito tayo mag usap?” tanong ko sa kanya. It took some time for him to speak up again.
“Can we…go…somewhere else?”
“H-huh? Where? I mean at this time of the day? It’s already ten…”
“Uhm, yeah you are right, balik nalang ako bukas I guess.”
“N-no, wait for me. I’ll just change clothes. Are you sure, ayaw mo pumasok?”
“I’m fine.”
I changed lang to my casual short shorts, birks, Ts and jacket. We were driving pa Antipolo that night, at walang nag iimikan sa aming dalawa sa loob ng kotse. We stopped sa Cloud9, we look for a spot na medyo kaunti lang ang nakapark, and we were able to see one at doon na nag park. It took us ten minutes sa loob ng kotse bago siya naunang bumaba. I followed him when he stood in front of the car.
“Do you still remember?”
“This place? Of course. This is where you asked me if you can date me.” sagot ko sa kanya.
He drew a deep sigh. His arms were crossed to his chest, and as if in cue, I touched his arms at hinaplos yun. My gut feels are telling me that it is the end of the road for us. Seeing him earlier with that woman, made me think that I should let go. That I should stop.
“It’s okay Liam. Everything will be okay from here on.” ang sabi ko sa kanya na nakangiti. A smile of defeat.
“Why are you telling me this Lanz?” he asked.
“I… Be honest with me, what did you feel during those days na magkasama tayo?”
Napatingin siya sa akin, when I dropped the question. He looked me in the eye as if he was looking for something.
“I told you, the first time I saw you again, it was all just pain because it all came back to me. But at the same time, I wanted to hug you and never let you go.”
“Our trip to Ilocos was something, but it was no longer how it used to be. Maybe because we have grown apart. We became intimate. Deep down, I was happy that I was given the chance to be with you again.”
“But at the same time, it was as if we were just clinging into our past. Our tragic past.”
“How about Ari, how do you feel about her?” I asked. I needed to. He needs to know by himself as well.
“Ari? I told you, we are not on that stage yet, and I think there is no progress. I think she sees me as her good friend as well.”
“I saw you earlier sa Greenbelt. I felt jealous, but at the same time, I saw how you laughed with her. I have not seen you laugh the way you did earlier.”
There was a long, deafening silence between us.
“Look, I told you na I’d fight for you, for us. I want to win you back. Pero ayokong napipilitan ka lang. I want you to decide it, I want your heart to decide it. If I am still worthy of your love or hindi na. Whatever your decision, tatanggapin ko yun. I will always respect that. And because I love you.”
Another long silence.
“There is no way that I can break your heart, Lanz. I still love you. I still love you so much. Pero I think, it is not enough for us to move forward. Marami nang nagbago. We are now fighting against our future.”
There. He dropped it. Surprisingly, I was calm that time, but my eyes became hot and blurry. My tears started to race down to my cheeks.
“Maybe not this time, Lanz. I want us to pursue kung anong meron tayo ngayon, your future and my future. What I can promise you now, no matter what, I will look for you. I will definitely find you.”
“I will hold on to what you have said, that we are still friends, in spite and despite. I know, hindi agad agad mangyayari na magiging okay tayo as friends, but believe me, when that time comes, when we meet again, we can try starting all over.”
Nagiiyakan kaming dalawa that time while hugging each other.
I’m so much more, Than what you cared to see
You drove me away, Now I can move forward, Move forward
Missed chance and mistakes, How were we to know
That it would end when we began? The times we’ve wasted, Will never return again
After that night, hindi na kami nagkita or nagkausap. I think we both mutually needed that space. That night was heavy, and too much for the two of us to bear. On the day of my flight, hinatid lang ako ulit ng pinsan ko and ate Denise. They just literally dropped me off at the departure area ng NAIA 2. I bid my goodbye to them, waving until their car is no longer in sight. I was so eager to get back to the US that time. I promised myself to fulfill what Liam wants for me, for us.
There were no bitter tastes that time, I realized, mas okay pala yung ilet go yung mahal mo, not just because they wanted to or they were forcing you. It’s because they love you and they will put themselves behind just to see you move forward. I really appreciate the lesson he taught me, that is why I am so eager to get back to the US and stand my ground.
I returned to the US, inasikaso ko ang sarili ko and luckily found a job agad agad, I became a literary teacher sa isang university sa New York. I immediately sent a photo attached email to Liam that time to let him know that I am starting to carve for my future, just as he wanted to.
After five years, I met my now husband, Drew sa pinapasukan kong university. He was a transfer professor. We started dating after a year. I told my husband about Liam and our story, wala akong tinago sa kanya. Sobra siyang na amaze, that he even told me na kung hindi kami nagkakilala, I might have married to Liam.
I never heard anything from Liam for almost six years. Ang sabi ng pinsan ko, umalis daw siya ng Pilipinas, mag three years na that time. Wala din daw itong naging girlfriend or naging asawa pa. At that time, ako naman ay nakapag move on na ako. I mean, happy na din ako sa takbo ng buhay ko, but at the back of my head, sana magkita man lang kami, kahit isang beses lang.
Another two more years passed, Drew and I decided to get married and after our marriage we will move to Amsterdam. Umuwi muna ako ng Pilipinas with no particular reason at all. Nung umuwi ako, I had the chance to meet Liam again. Paalis na ulit siya noon papuntang Japan, isa na siyang IT Manager at pinapadala ng company nila kung san merong mga branch sila. Nagkumustahan kami, met up a few more times, and I realized, there are no longer intimate feelings for each other. We moved on from each other. He stayed single, by choice. Sabi ko baka ako parin, tawa lang siya ng tawa. I asked about Ari, sabi niya may asawa na daw ito. I told him na ikakasal na ako, and he is very happy about the news. Day before his flight to Japan, we met again, bid our goodbyes and hugged each other.
Pagkatapos kong isilang ang una naming anak, umuwi kami ulit ng Pilipinas mag anak, where in I introduced my family to my friends, of course included si Liam. I introduced both men, my past and my present. I was glad they were very welcoming to each other naman.
Nung manganak ako sa second child namin, ay kinasal na din si Liam sa kanyang girlfriend na haponesa. Our second child was named after Liam and me. Drew suggested it at ayoko sana, but he insisted, and he wishes na sana, maging resilient ang anak namin, and will found an everlasting happiness. I don’t know why, but it made me cry that time.
Before pandemic, we were in Japan, at binisita namin ang mag asawa. All of us became good friends. Ngayon, we still communicate pero hindi ganun kadalas, but most of the time, si Drew at Liam ang magkausap dahil pareho silang IT.
Looking back to what happened to us, kung hindi nangyari yung mga bagay bagay na yun, I would never know kung asan kami ni Liam ngayon. I am very thankful to him and to my husband, because they really mold the Lanz who she is now. Right now, it is a good reference in life din. So whenever my decision making is being challenged, I always look back how I decided before, and always make sure to put myself in every angle to see the bigger picture.
Hanggang dito nalang. I wanna thank you all sa pag subaybay sa aking story, sa aking the one that got away.