Sorry for delayed updates. Medyo busy sa work lang, kaya hindi maayos ang updates. Hopefully before the week ends, matapos ko na ito. This could be the second to the last chapter. I will add an epilogue chapter, combined point of views. Thank you sa pag support at pagbabasa.
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Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan, it was only five in the morning. Tinitigan ko ang katabi ko, she was in fetus position facing me. Marahan kong hinawi ang buhok niya at iniipit iyon sa kanyang tenga at saka ako bumangon. I checked my phone at may mga messages ako, mostly inquiries about sa pre-sale ng condo. Meron ding message sa akin si Ari at kahapon pa ito.
“Kmsta? Hw was ur vacay?”
“I bet ur hvng ctch up w/ her.”
“Ay mkhang ngka2igihn n cla. Bltaan mo nlng me. Enjoy! :)”
Hindi na muna ako nag reply sa kanya. I was still having thoughts of why we were there, why we had done it. Kinuha ko ang board shorts ko at wallet ko at saka lumabas pagkabihis upang maglakad lakad sa dalampasigan. After an hour of walking, I felt hungry and I wanted a burger. At that time, wala pang Mcdo or any fast food chain sa area, so I have to contact pa sa capitol para makapag deliver.
I ordered quarter pounder and double cheese burger, di lang ako sure if yun padin ang gusto ni Lanz, but still I ordered it. After more than an hour ay dumating na ang inorder ko and I had to pick it up sa reception. Nag ikot ikot pa ako muna ako nagtingin tingin ng mga beach outfit, at binilhan ko ng cover up na dark si Lanz, yung parang fish net. Di ko alam ang tawag doon. Naisip ko lang na if we or she will walk sa shoreline, maigi nang ganun.
Pagbalik ko ng room, I saw Lanz was on the phone at bigla niyang binitawan yun at tumakbo papunta sa akin and hugged me tightly. I don’t know what was going on at that time. Napatawa nalang ako sa thought na baka iniwan ko siya or what not. And when I looked at her naka pout na siya at nangiti nalang ako.
“Hey, what’s up? Did anything happen?” hindi siya sumagot, instead lalong kumunot ang noo niya pero naka pout pa din. This woman, di ko alam kung nag aalala or nagpapa cute. So I raised my hand to show her na may bitbit ako.
“Nagpa deliver ako from McDo. Gusto ko kasi ng burger. I bought you your double cheese burger as well. With no pickles. I bought you some clothes na din. Well technically, they were just cover ups, mukha nga lang fish net.”
She took out yung mga bitbit ko at naupo sa kama. She checked out the cover ups, mukhang nagustuhan naman niya dahil nangingiti ngiti pa ito. Sabay na din kaming kumain at walang nag iimikan sa aming dalawa although I was staring at her while eating. Nangingiti nalang din ako as my reaction which pagtingin niya sa akin ay napataas na siya ng kilay niya. Kinuha ko nalang ang remote ng TV at nag browse ng mapapanuod.
“Do you have any plans for the day?” I asked after finishing my food.
“Um, gusto ko sanang pumunta sa ancestral house sa capitol. But having second thoughts din.”
“Why? We can drive. Para na din makabili tayo ng spare clothes.”
“Can we just buy clothes nalang then get back here? Or do you have any other plans?” I was thinking to just stay dito or maghanap ng makakainan but since siya naman ang nag aya, I’ll let her decide to whatever she wants to do.
“Nah, I don’t have naman. Okay, let’s drive to the capitol in an hour.” ang sagot ko sa kanya. Mas okay na din yun para makapamili na din kami ng mga damit namin since wala kaming mga baon.
Nauna na akong maligo sa kanya, kasi I needed to prep the car and cool it, dahil napakainit at that time. It was already lunch time when we arrived sa capitol so we took our lunch na muna. After lunch, we headed straight sa mall to buy our clothes, di ko na masyadong tinignan kung ano ang mga pinili niya, medyo may katagalan din talaga siyang mamili ng idadamit niya. I took a pair of shorts, one set of boxer underwear, isang jeans, at dalawang polo short. Habang naglalakad kami papuntang parking, she asked me if we can go to Paoay church in which okay lang naman sa akin.
“Liam, I can drive papuntang Paoay at pabalik ng hotel.” ang sabi niya sa akin, which nung una ay ayaw ko sana but I let her be.
Pagdating namin sa Paoay, nag lakad lakad kami paikot sa old roads at sa church. May mga bystanders doon na nag offer na kunan kami ng picture, napagkakamalan kaming mag boyfriend at mag girlfriend. I took most of the pictures din sa area, I even asked her to pose for me sa camera.
After sometime of strolling, bumalik na kami sa kotse at naupo muna sa hood ng kotse para makapag rest. I am super amazed of the church ever since and up until today. If there would be a chance to go there again, I will. I opened up our conversation.
“How long was this church standing again?” ang tanong ko out of nowhere.
“Uhm, I think almost or atleast three hundred years?”
“It is still so magnificent. It was able to maintain its grandeur.” Its sight is truly magnificent.
“Ahuh. It has withstood calamities, war and..time. If it is written as literature, it will be magnificent, a tale as old as time.”
I looked at her after she said it. It was as if nag flash sa harapan ko yung mukha niya from the Boracay days. She was staring at me as well, so I had to look away from her.
“What?” tanong niya sa akin.
“Nothing…” at nangiti nalang ako sa kanya. I remembered how she was when she is in her literary element. Para siyang poet who can make words lively whenever she speaks.
“What’s with the smile?”
“You are in your element.” sabi ko sa kanya. It was her turn to look away from me.
We stayed for another half hour and by five we decided to go back na sa resort. Along the way, nag kwnetuhan kami about historical places and bits, and she knows that that was my element. Pagdating namin sa resort, we headed straight sa restaurant to take our dinner. After eating, we walked by the shoreline, and as usual, marami padin ang umiikot ang leeg nang katitingin sa kanya. Some were amazed, some were jealous. May mga nag bonfire din doon, but instead we walked straight back to out room dahil may bitbit din kaming wine and champagne.
Nauna na siyang nag shower, at ako naman at that time started browsing TV. Maya maya pa ay lumabas na siya ng shower room, and damn this woman, kahit anong isuot, napaka sexy talaga. Bago pa ako may ibang maisip, I hit the cold shower to prevent unnecessary heat. Paglabas ko ng room, ay binati ako ng malamig na hangin, and saw that the sliding door was opened, likely nasa labas siya. Sumunod nalang din akong lumabas at nakita ko siyang nag sip ng champagne from her glass. I looked at her momentarily, she was staring at the shoreline.
“Drinking alone eh?”
“Join me.” ang sabi niya sa akin, I took a glass and poured wine. Napatingin ako sa shore line na din at nag vibrate ang phone ko. It was Ari, kinukumusta ako. I said okay lang, made a few updates of happenings at nag reply ito na ienjoy ko lang daw and I shouldn’t answer any messages for the meantime.
Wala paring nag iimikan sa amin, and I took a glance again at her at medyo seryoso ang mukha niya.
“Anything bothering you?”
“Huh? Wala naman.” ang sagot niya sa akin, without looking at me.
Another silence.
I don’t know what’s in her head. I wanted to ask kung bakit siya bumalik dito, why we were in this situation now. What are her plans, but then again the looping questions from last night came down in my head again. Fuck.
“Liam…” ang basag niya sa katahimikan.
“Hm? Ano yun?”
“Do you think, if I told you about my plans before, would you still pursue me?” I was shocked by her question. Why are you asking that now Lanz, why?
“I just want to know. Lagi ko din kasi tinatanong yun sa sarili ko and syempre, wala naman sasagot sa akin, and I don’t know what’s the answer to it.” I was just staring at her. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. I want to carefully tailor my answers, dahil kahit na ganun ang nangyari sa amin, mahal ko padin talaga siya.
“Kung di ka naman comfortable sagutin, nevermind. Forget what I asked.” I looked at her, nalungkot ako bigla.
“Tulad nga ng sabi ko sayo kagabi, selfish din ako. If nalaman ko yun noon palang, I would not pursue you.”
“BUT… if you have told me na nung tayo na, di ko din alam ang sagot. I may pursue you to the end, pero alam ko na may mga hurdles tayong pagdadaanan. Like, we’d be in an LDR situation. Which I think, it may or may not work sa atin and pwedeng maghihiwalay lang din tayo.”
“Kaya ko nasabi na hindi mag work, is because we both know na may pagka clingy tayo, but only if nagmature tayo agad agad, I might work pero wala ring guarantee.”
“Why do you ask?” ang balik tanong ko sa kanya.
“I asked because, syempre I want to know if it will make any difference to our situation then and now.”
“…and? Do you think it will make any difference?” She looked at me as if she was caught off guard by my question.
There was silence.
“To answer you honestly, hindi ko alam.” I just drew a deep sigh with her response.
“Exactly. What you have right now are “what ifs” because you feel regret. If we remove regrets from the equation, will you still have “what ifs”?” these were true, this was what I felt at that time.
“Yes. What if I told you everything and whether we understood the situation or not, then maybe we would have pursued a different path than what we had.” seriously, sa loob loob ko. So possible naman pala itong option two years ago, but why did she not take it, why did she choose to break my heart, to tear us apart.
“You said last night, you loved me. Don’t you anymore, Liam?” ang tanong niya sa akin nang hindi ko siya sinagot.
“Lanz…”
“It’s okay if hindi na. To be honest, I am hoping that you still do.. But I fully understand the situation and where I should be.”
Yes.
I still loved her at that time.
Pero di ko masabi ng diretso sa kanya.
Why?
Is it still worth it?
Tumayo siya, and I know umiiyak siya. That was something that was so sad for me, to see her crying, especially in my presence. Nilapitan ko siya, gusto ko siyang yakapin and yet, parang may pumipigil sa akin.
“Lanz…”
“When you left saying nothing, I was a wreck. Thinking kung ano ba yung nagawa ko sayo na hindi mo nagustuhan at hindi ka na nagparamdam.” I know at that time, she needed to know what I have been through, at lalo siyang napaiyak.
“I shifted my attention to studying lang. I needed that to keep me sane at hindi ko pagdudahan ang sarili ko at capacity ko.”
“A year ago, dun palang ako nag start na maging okay. Kuya Dan helped me to get some freelance jobs as a real estate consultant while I am studying. I found out na may talent pala ako sa sales, and it only took me 2 months para maka benta ng property.”
“That time, nagkaroon ako ng client who was looking for a condominium that time. Her name is Ari. We became good friends after we closed the deal. Six months ago, we started going out, pero occasional lang. We don’t know yet kung ano ang deal namin, but safe to say that we are still friends.”
“Yes, I did say I loved you, but that doesn’t mean that I am in love with someone else. Yet.”
“I am not sure if I still love you right now or hindi na. When I saw you the other day, all the pain, bumalik lahat sa akin.” hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili ko, I was about to break down, reminding me of what happened.
She hugged me immediatel…