Everyone began to scram and look for a partner while I, on the other hand, stayed still. I still felt a little tired from all the self-induced drama. I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to go home and sleep.
“Spence,” a very familiar voice said. I sighed before I lifted my head up. “Partners?” Adam said.
I gave him a small smile. “Sorry,” I replied. “Owen already asked me,” I lied. Good thing Owen went to the comfort room so I didn’t have to deal with him right now. It’s just that I can’t deal with Adam. He’s with someone and he didn’t want me. It’s so freaking clear and I was beginning to beg my heart to stop loving him. And minimizing my interaction with him was the first step.
He nodded but I could feel that he’s thinking that I was mad at him. I wasn’t mad at him. I was mad at myself. I was mad that I was in love with someone who doesn’t love me… I was mad that I was so stupid. For three years, I’ve been really stupid. I have wasted so much time loving someone who couldn’t reciprocate my feelings.
And I still have one year left to remove Adam from my system. I wanted to remain friends with him… I want to be OK when I see him during Christmas breaks. I want to be able to look him in the eyes and not feel my heart beating so erratically fast. I wanted to get rid of my feelings while I still can… because I think if I graduate and I was still in love with him, I will never be able to move on from him.
He will bethousandmiles away from me and I will still be wondering about him. And I didn’t want that for myself.
“Okay,” he said. He wanted to say something but chose not to. He talked to Silas then and asked him to be his partner but my jerk of a brother just flipped him off. He’ll never get over it, really. So Adam was forced to be partners with Amy—the smartest girl in our class but the weirdest, too.
When Owen arrived, I immediately told him that he’s my partner. Good thing he didn’t make a big deal out of it. We talked about what we wanted to write and good thing he agreed when I proposed Wuthering Heights. Lots of people really didn’t like that but I was a big fan. I just hate some of the characters but the story was good.
The class ended shortly after and I was able to let out a sigh of relief. I won’t be seeing Adam until this afternoon but I’d deal with that later. For now, I can breathe freely.
I arranged my things and was ready to go to my next class when Adam blocked my way.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked me.
“What? No.”
“Sure? Because it feels like you’re avoiding me.”
I gave him a tired smile. “You’re imagining things.”
“Really?” I nodded. “Good. Because I can’t have you mad at me. You’re my number 1 girl,” he said before he ruffled my hair. I just let him because he won’t be able to do that anymore. I’d be doing my best to avoid him. I just can’t have him play his push and pull game.
Maybe Silas was right. Adam was leading me on… he’s not doing it consciously but he’s doing it still. And I’ve got to put an end to his game. It’s affecting me. It’s hurting me. It’s better if I’m not in love with him.
“We’ll hang out later, OK?” he told me.
“I have—” I wasn’t even finished when he cut me off.
“Come on, Spence. I would really think that you’re mad at me. You’re hurting me right here,” he said and then pointed at his heart. Touch because he’s doing the same thing to me.
The bell rang. I thought he was going to leave me alone but he wasn’t moving. Gods, he was just so stubborn sometimes.
“I want to,really, but I’ve got to do my paper with Owen,” I lied. Sorry, Owen. But he’d been telling me to get rid of my feelings for Adam and surely he wouldn’t mind being the instrument.
“What time?” he asked. He was so adamant!
“5 pm onwards? We really haven’t talked about it yet,” I told him. “We’ll both be late, Adam. Let’s just hang this weekend.”Or never again.
He nodded. “I’ll talk to Owen. I’ll steal you for 2 hours tops.” He messed my hair and left me there.
Heavens really just won’t let me move on in peace!
I shook my head and began walking to my next class. I sat there and put my head on top of my desk. I really felt so drained; I had no energy to even listen to anything right now. I should have snatched a granola bar before I stormed out of the house earlier. I felt like a walking dead.
I was trying to nap while waiting for my teacher when my seatmate nudged me.
“What?” I grunted.
“Owen’s looking for you.”
“Huh?” Even in my disoriented state, I can’t understand why Owen’s looking for me. For 3 years, our longest talk was ‘Go straight home?’ ‘Yup.’ ‘Alright.’ That was about it! We really weren’t chums. He just knew me because I was his best friend’s twin sister but lately, we’ve been talking and it’s just weird.
I stood up and walked outside and saw Owen with his back leaning on the wall. He has a paper on his hand…