“Sunday morning rain is falling, share some cover share some skin. .” It was one sunday morning and the song keeps playing inside my head.
I woke up with a heavy heart. Maybe it’s because of what happened last night. . Me and Chino had dinner with my friends just like what I promised na ipapakilala ko siya sa friends ko, it went well naman lahat naman kami nag enjoy.
Before the dinner, Chino and I had sex, went on motel and do our thing before namin sunduin mga friends ko.
But things change after ng dinner, hinatid namin si Crisha and Sheena sa dorm nila, then on our way home Chino seems a bit different. Hindi sya tulad before na grabe ung enthusiasm niya sakin, and he keep on asking about Sheena.
The feeling was like “WTF dude are you out of your mind obvious ka na trip mo friend ko, and we just had sex” but I didn’t voice it out.
I answer his questions casually and when we reach my dorm I just bid him a simple goodbye I won’t give him a chance to dump me.
No Kiss. No return of glance. No drama No eye contact. Just plain “bye”
I hurriedly get inside my room, drop my bag on my bed and look in the mirror. I can see the sad look in my eyes, I know I should not be hurting for what happened but I can’t help it.
Memories of the past keep flashing back, the feeling of not beeing good enough, the feeling of just being an option, insecurities hunt me.
“But no this ain’t cool, look up, be confident and be proud. Never ever let anyone to look down on you again KC”. – – – – I was interupted with my thoughts when someone knocked on my door.. .
‘KC! kC! . .’ si ate Khaye pala ung ka dorm ko. Binuksan ko ung pinto at pumasok siya.
“o yes ate?”
‘pupunta ko sa Cuts salon baka gusto mo sumama?’
“uhmm d pa ko nakakaligo eh]”
‘ok lang yan bilisan mo na lang intayin kita.’
“ocge wait lang”
after a while natapos na ko mag ayos. Habang nasa labas na si ate nagiintay.
Si ate khaye ung pinakaclose ko sa dorm working na sya, mabait, maganda and petite. Sya lang halos kakwentuhan ko sa dorm parehas kasi kami taga batangas.
Habang iniintay ko sya magpa trim, bigla ko naisipan magpa cut ng maiksi.
“Miss magpapagupit din pala ako.” sabi ko sa front desk.
‘sure Miss dito po’. guide niya sakin ate
‘oh magpapagupit ka? tanong ni ate khaye sakin
“oo ate naisipan ko lang”.
‘ah ok ano style?’
“hmm d ko alam basta ung hanggang balikat.”
‘seryoso ka?! sayang bebe! ang ganda pa naman hair mo! ang haba haba tas tuwid pa.p’
Ngumiti lang ako sa sinabi ni ate. That day I decided to cut my hair shorter than my usual, ang gaan sa pakiramdam and mas nagmukha kong bata. Deceiving kumbaga no one would think na may libog akong tinatago haha. And since few days from now i will be turning 20 this will be a good start for me. .
Months passed by and I never saw Chino again kahit sa gym pa.
Mukang naging bf ko na nga ang gym dahil araw araw na ata nandon ako. After I turned 20 andaming nagbago, I changed the way I dressed up from rockish babe to girly and a bit showing of skin. Andaming nangyari na hindi ko akalain na magagawa ko.
Hindi na rin ako nag wechat, I shift to tinder which is more exciting and fun and way better. I matched a lot of guys and dated some of them, it became my ego booster. Guys complimenting just to take you out on a date, but nothing is serious in it.
People on Tinder only want to have fun. I matched Carlo 26 years old, working and he became my friend until now, he’s the one who taught not to get attached and fall in love with every guy na feel ko ok. He’s the one who tauggt me to just have fun, to live my life the way I want it to be.The one who encouraged me to be confident and encourage me to explore more. To just be cool with life and not to be too serious.
Enjoy lang kumbaga, life is to short not to live it to the fullest. Talking to Carlo was fun but he haven’t ask me out yet.
While I’m talkinh to Carlo, I matched Jack. He’s a lot different than Carlo, matangkad 6 flat, always wearing the formal suit and he’s 27. Kung si Carlo mejo wholesome si Jack very aggressive.
Hindi sya nagaalangan na ipakita at sabhin sakin how he love to see me gone naked and wild. And instead of running away with him, i just go with the flow.
There is a time where me and my friends (crisha, sheena and jean) went on Zambales for a short vacay. Beach and alcholic drinks everywhere. Habang nagiinuman kami with Crisha’s barkada I heard my phone beep.
It’s already 2 am sino pa kaya gising? I opened the message and saw that it was Jack
“heyy kaze, hows the beach?” pm niya sakin
‘ok naman maganda, tahimik pero white ung sand and wala masyado tao’
“hmm I can imagine that u wore a two piece”
‘naughty, oh well I did and so.’
“and so I want to see it 🙂 send me something”
I’m a lil tipsy that time and di ko mapigilan sarili ko na sabayan ung flirty and naughty vibe niya. So I send my solo pic on the beach, water is knee deep and my body was wet all over kasi kakatapos ko lang mag dip.
“damn Kaze u looked hot in there, grabe when will I see you ba ha?”.
‘soon babe hahaha don’t rush’
“humanda ka sakin pagbalik mo dito sa Manila. . .”
Instead na madiscourage kay Jack parang mas naging eager ako to meet him. Maybe because it’s not my mind who’s deciding but my body.
I can feel the heat flowing all over my body everytime Jack show how he want to touch me. There’s something with Jack that made me want to do it with him, that made me wan’t to show him the naughty side of me. I don’t know if it’s him or it’s my self alone longing for another man’s touch . .