Natatandaan ko pa ang reaksyon ko ng tuluyan kong malaman na hindi siya para sa akin. Masakit, nakakagulat at nakakainis. I actually saw it coming which I’m going to tell later kung bakit. Napatunayan ko sa aking sarili na minsan ay in-denial lang tayo sa mga bagay-bagay pero sa totoo ay natatakot lang tayo na harapin. Ngunit kapag nalampasan ang isang unos sa buhay ay lalong nagiging mas matatag and most likely becomes a better person.
I was in my early 20s when I first met Jake. We both had regular office jobs although nasa bandang north of Metro Manila ang workplace niya. He’s few years older and also single na kagaya ko.
We met at a lecture that we both attended. Had a small chat then dated a few times until we ended up in bed. Hindi ko na lang dedetalyehin pa just to cut the story short. Anyway, minahal ko siya at minahal niya rin ako. Marami kaming mas napapagkasunduan kesa sa hindi kaya naging smooth ang nabuong “relasyon”.
Jake was okay naman in terms of being physically fit and smart lalo sa work niya. Medyo alon-alon ang buhok, katamtaman ang ilong at mga mata na hindi singkit pero hindi rin malaki. Kayumanggi ang kulay at taas na pangkaraniwan. He’s a typical pinoy physically coupled with a great personality and sense of humor.
Kilalang ugali ng mga lalaki na gustong pinagsisilbihan sila at kadalasan na nasusunod sa mga gusto. Dominant at times. Yan lang ang tanging kapintasan niya na alam kong karaniwan na sa mga kalalakihang Pilipino kaya natutunan ko naman agad na tanggapin. It’s no big deal sakin that time. I was young, naive and still a virgin kahit nagkaroon na ako ng boyfriend noong college days.
I still remember the first time na parang nagulat na lang ako na nasa isang motel na kami. It was my first time sa maraming bagay with him including that love-making place. Inamin niya na hindi ako ang una niya but it’s okay. Past is past. He’s a guy anyway sa isip ko. Don’t blame me dahil I’m also just an ordinary girl. Saka he’s funny, nice, gentle and galante sa mga dates namin. More than what a lady would ask for as far as I’m concerned.
Jake knows how to make you feel special and say the right words. Iba ang boladas o “tabas ng dila” sa salitang kanto. Mga tipong magpapakilig sayo at makakapagpataas ng confidence. I have self-confidence naman pero iba pala kapag ganon ang treatment ng isang lalaki sayo na para kang lumulutang.
If I recall it right ay hindi kami yung tipong official na nagligawan at nagsabihan ng ‘I love you’. The feeling was mutual but we say those words to each other every now and then. I can’t even remember kung nagkaroon kami ng anniversary pero sa loob-loob ko ay secondary na lang yon. For me it’s not as important. Whatever we had ay hindi naging clear at hindi out of the ordinary pero masaya ang feeling ko kapag nandyan siya at magkasama kami. I guess ay iyon naman ang mas mahalaga.
The motel room was big and nice. May mga mirrors even sa ceiling. I know that he’s quite amused na makita akong napaka-inosente sa lo…