My Elizabeth 14

Sunday morning. It was still early, and the sky was still dark. Rain clouds covered the heaven and blocked the moon’s and stars’ faint glimmers. Next to me is my new lover, the daughter of my wife’s partner. I neither planned nor sought this relationship, which happened spontaneously, just like when Jess met Roland. But it is also different because Tricia and I have known each other for a long time. I saw her grow up. So, it is somewhat similar to my affair with Rebecca. However, I was attracted to Becca longer than my attraction to Tricia.

I was overthinking about these matters, which is my tendency to do when faced with more serious questions, and dodging it for a while. Unfortunately, the issue cannot be put off because it is about Liz’s learning about what happened between Tricia and me, and sooner or later, the sun will rise, and everyone will be awake.

I hugged Tricia and kissed her cheek and jaw to wake her up.

“Baby, let’s go inside so we can continue our sleep in the bedroom.”

She did not open her eyes and barely moved, “Hmm, okay.”

I wrapped and covered our bodies with the blanket and led her to the hallway. She was very sleepy, and her eyes were barely opened as we went inside, so I guided her as we walked. I peeked inside Liz’s room, and when I saw that it was empty, I placed Tricia on the bed and covered her naked body. As I embraced her, I whispered in her ear, “baby, just sleep in, okay!”

Her eyes were closed again, lying on her side facing me, “Hmm, okay.”

“We’ll talk later.”

“Sige.”

I kissed her lips and gently squeezed her side before I stood up from the bed. As I sat and turned to stand, Trish held my hand, looked at me, and said softly, “I love you.”

I moved close to her again, kissed her lips one more time, and said, “I love you, too.”

Trish smiled and playfully hit my temple with her fingers, maybe because she thought I wasn’t serious. She rolled to her back and pulled the sheets over her head.

My worry about Tricia’s knowledge of my relationship with Liz disappeared because she appeared to be in a good mood. Otherwise, Tricia would have been uncomfortable or even aloof or left the house already. Kaya, at that moment, I thought Tricia and I were okay.

Pagkatapos ng orgasmo, ang katawan natin ay naglalabas ng mga hormones, na maaaring magdulot ng kaaya-aya at nakakarelaks na kaginhawaan. Binabawasan din ng pagtatalik ang mga antas ng ibang hormones na nagdudulot naman ng stress. At dahil dito, tayo ay nakakaranas ng pagka-antok at nagiging mas madali at masarap makatulog pagkatapasos makipagkantutan.

Mukhang nasiyahan at satisfied ng sobra si Tricia kaya kaagad nakatulog sa kama ni Liz. Bumalik naman ako sa aking kwarto at hindi ko nadatnan si Liz doon. Malamang nga na magkasamang natulog sila ni Yssa sa basement.

Subalit bigla kong naisip na baka nagising ng mas maaga si Liz at nakita niya kami ni Tricia sa patio. Hindi ko pa din alam kung sino ang nag-lagay ng kumot sa amin habang nasa couch kami ni Tricia.

I took a shower to wash the after-sex scent on my body. Dahil kulang ako sa tulog, nadama ko ang kaunting hapdi sa aking mga mata. Pagkatapos, nagsuot ako ng t-shirt, boxers, at shorts. Kaagad, ngunit tahimik, akong pumunta sa basement.

Nakita ko sa lower bunk bed, her preferred space, na nakadapa si Liz at si Yssa naman ay nasa top ng bunk bed which her favorite space. Si Liz ay nakasuot ng white cami top at maiksing light green with small white polka na shorts. Nilapitan ko siya at tinignan kung tulog. Walang suot na bra ang aking anak at ng hawiin ko pataas ang baba ng shorts niya ay wala din siyang suot na panty.

Iba talaga ang siklab ng aking laman pagdating sa aking panganay at agad akong tinigasan.

Si Yssa naman ay nakatagilid natutulog at likod lang niya ang nakita ko. Nakaharap siya sa dingding, kung saan nakadikit ang double-deck. Nakakumot siya mula bewang hanggang sa paa at tila masarap pa din ang tulog ni Yssa.

Nabawasan ang duda ko na baka si Liz ang nagkumot sa akin at Tricia. Kaya si Aida o si Amy na lang ang naisip kong posibleng nagkumot sa amin. Pero isinang-tabi ko muna ang bagay na iyon dahil mas importante na malaman ni Liz kaagad bago niya makita ang biglaang pagiging sweet at malapit ni Trish sa akin. Maari din kasi na si Tricia ang mag-lahad ng aming relasyon dahil close sila ni Liz.

Bumulong ako sa kanyang tenga upang gisingin siya, “baby, gising anak.”

Tila medyo puyat din siya kaya sobrang antok pa niya. Pero ng makita niya ang kaunting liwanag mula sa bintana na naka-blinds ay marahang naupo na siya sa gilid ng kama. Unti-unti na din kasing sumisikat ang araw.

Pinahid niya ang kanyang mga mata, “Hi! Dad, ba’t ang aga mong nagising? Tapos ka nang mag-bike?”

“Kagigising ko lang din pero sama ka muna sa akin sa itaas. Doon mo muna ituloy ang tulog mo?”

She looked at me with half-closed eyes and half smile, maybe thinking I wanted to have sex with her.

“No, anak. I want to tell you something.”

Since she was still sleepy, she did not ask me about it and walked with me upstairs. When we reached the main floor, she extended her arms to me, gesturing that I pick her up.

Magkaharap kami at yumakap siya sa aking leeg at yumakap din ang kanyang mga hita sa aking bewang. Kinarga ko siya papunta sa aking kwarto habang ang ulo niya ang nasa aking leeg at balikat. Ganito siya magpa-karga mula noong bata pa.

Naamoy ko ang almusal na nilulito nina Amy sa kusina na parang ginigisang corned beef subalit hindi ako nagutom katulad dati. Abala ang aking isip at hindi ko muna pansin ang aking tiyan dahil sa kasalbaihan ng titi ko.

She lay on my bed, and I lay next to her. The black-out curtains in my room were still drawn, and the airconditioned was set at a suitable cool temperature, so we both fell asleep for not having enough rest. The door was locked, so no one bothered to enter the main bedroom.

Gayunpaman, pumupunta lamang sina Amy at Aida sa aking silid upang asikasuhin ang kanilang mga gawaing-bahay kapag nasa labas ako ng bahay. Kapag nasa loob ako ng aking kwarto, pumapasok lang sila kapag may hinihingi o inuutos ako sa kanila. Kaya naman, pagkagising ko bandang 10:30 am, tinext ko si Aida na magdala ng inumin at pagkain sa kwarto ko. Gusto kong magkaroon kami ng privacy ni Liz kapag nag-usap kami.

Tricia and Yssa are used to sleeping in the house. They had spent the night and weekends several times before. They would go to the kitchen, living room, T.V. Room, Patio, pool area, etc., just like they did in the past, but they don’t come to my room. Yssa would eventually become comfortable going to my room, but neither that morning nor immediately sooner than that day. Only Liz freely entered my room, even before our affair started. Thus, I was not worried that Tricia or Yssa would knock in my room that morning.

Around11:00 am, Amy and Aida arrived in my room. Amy held the food tray, and Aida brought two bottled water. Liz was already awake but still sleepy, and she watched Amy and Aida place the food on the table. They had seen us in the past in my room as Liz would spend time doing some ordinary father and daughter kinds of stuff, like simply hanging out or talking about other matters. Besides the night Aida caught us having sex, that morning was the first time Aida and Amy had seen Liz and me inside my room and appeared as a couple.

“Amy, gising na ba si Yssa at Tricia?”

“Si Yssa nagising mga alas dies.”

Lumingon ako kay Liz at tinanong ko, “what time ba kayong natulog?”

She yown first, “around 4:30 na yata.”

“Kaya pala late na kayong nagising,” komento ni Aida.

Tinanong ko naman ulit, “Eh, si Tricia?”

“Manga 9, gising na siya,” sagot ni Amy.

Me: Anong ginawa niya?

Aida: Nag-almusal na siya.

Me: Umuwi na ba siya?”

Aida: Hindi pa.

Amy: Tumulong siyang mag-luto ng tanghalian.

Dun ko lang napansin na hindi na almusal ang dala nila at pang-pananghalian na pala: creamy sipo egg with added shrimp, beef afritada, and white rice.

Me: Nasaan na siya ngayon?

Amy: Kasama ni Yssa sa T.V. room.

Me: Kumain na din si Yssa?

Aida: Pang-tanghalian na kinain niya.

While Tricia and Yssa were hanging out, I thought I had time to talk to Liz. Pagkatapos lumabas ni Amy at Aida, dumeretso ng restroom si Liz at umihi. The room was quiet, and it was arousing to hear the sound of her pee dropping on the bowl. It took her a while before I heard the faucet when she washed her hands and face, so I teased her when she went out of the restroom.

“Enjoyed the bidet?”

She extended her right hand to me and forcefully opened her fingers at winisik niya ang tubig mula sa kanyang mga daliri papunta sa akin.

Since she was being playful, I approached her, moved slightly behind her, and from behind, I placed my right arm under and between her thighs.

I reached up until my right hand held her pubic area (my right wrist on top of her pussy), and simultaneously, my left arm held her chest (my left hand cupping her right breast), picked her up from the floor, and swung her side to side. Liz extended her legs and arm and pretended she was flying like Supergirl.

After a few swings, I brought her down, and we faced each other and embraced. She looked at me, pointed her lips, and I kissed her.

We continued our embrace and swung gently, as if we were slow dancing. I should have been enjoying the moment with my daughter, but my mind struggled in the same manner as if I was facing several deadlines at work/business. My heart beat faster because I was nervous about confessing to Liz.

My daughter felt my uneasiness and stopped our slow swaying. She looked at me at asked, “Dad, are you okay?”

“Yes, baby, but I need to tell you something.”

She appeared curious but not bothered. I wondered if she somehow suspected something had happened between Tricia and me, but Liz still seemed not suspicious.

Ang pagtataksil sa asawa o kasintahan ay maaaring maging traumatiko at isa sa mga mabigat na problemang ma-aaring kaharapin sa isang relasyon. May ibang tao naman ang nasa denial pa din matapos natuklasan nila ang cheating ng asawa or partner. Ang iba ay maaaring maghinala ng pagtataksil dahil sa mga pagkilos na hindi karaniwan.

Ngunit wala pang bente-quatro na oras and nakalipas matapos ang pagtatalik namin ni Tricia kaya wala talagang clue si Liz sa pangyayari. Kaya’t lalo akong nangamba na siya’t lubos na mibibigla at masasaktan. Gayunpaman, walang perpektong oras upang ihayag o aminin ang pangangaliwa.

Tinignan ko ang pagkain sa lamesa at naisip ko na kumain muna.

“Do you want to eat first?”

“You can tell me now.”

I hugged her and thought of confessing as we embraced and her cheek on my chest. But I decided to look her in the eyes; she deserved to be told with as much respect as anyone deserves in a similar situation.

“Liz, Tricia, and I hooked up last night.”

My daughter froze but managed to utter, “you had sex with her?”

“Yes, baby. I’m sorry.”

Liz walked towards my bed and lay prone, facing away from me. I slowly approached her and lay next to her, behind her. She was on the right side, and I was on the left of the bed. I placed my hand on her back and gently caressed her. Her breathing was normal. I did not say anything, and the room was silent for a while.

I did not realize she was crying until she turned her head to face me. My heart broke as I stared into her teary eyes. I mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

With her head on the pillow, she nodded.

I could not tell whether her nod meant that she accepted my apology or that her nod was just an acknowledgment that she heard me.

I reached my left arm and hand to her, and Liz moved closer. I held her, and I embraced her when she held me back. She snuggled her face on my chest. Bagama’t hindi siya humihikbi, may luha pa din sa kanyang mga mata at suminghot ng mahina.

A girl or woman could react differently in a typical adult relationship. Some may storm out and leave. Others might become angry and say harsh words. Or do the same as Liz did, but very likely rarely does that happen.

Liz could have dashed to her room and avoided me or could have poured her heart out. I’m glad she stayed, but I felt horribly sorry for her because I thought she was left with no other option, that she could not leave had she wanted to go.

Though I had ambivalent feelings about wanting her to be free to leave my room if she wanted to or stay so we could talk, I was glad that she chose to retreat to my arms despite the circumstance. I did not speak for a while and let her heart starts slowly healing in silence.

She looked at me. Her eyes were puffy and glistened in tears but no longer flowing. She caressed my right cheek.

Although in the heat of lust, we imagined having a threesome, voyeurism (watching each other having sex with another person), sharing her with another man, sharing me with another girl, and other fantasies, our excitement and interest in these thoughts aren’t necessarily the same when it happened.

Well, it seemed like that at that moment.

I mouthed again, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, dad.”

“You’re heartbroken, baby.”

“I would be lying if I said no, but I’m not angry at you.”

“I was selfish and hurt your feelings.”

“Dad, you had girlfriends after mommy Becca.”

“That’s true, but it’s different now.”

“Yes, it’s different now, but I know, too, that we’re not exclusive.”

“But that’s only our fantasies.”

“Fantasies?”

“Like when we imagined about Stella, some guys at the debut, our driver Nap.”

“Oh. Hmm, I guess I’m still not ready for that.”

When she said that, it seemed she considered those fantasies to happen but was not “ready” yet. I must still be delicate and respect her feelings.

“Everything happened so soon, and it made you upset. I’m still sorry, honey.”

“It’s unexpected, kase siguro.”

“You feel jealous?”

Liz did not speak for a while, so I said, “you can be completely honest about what you feel.”

“Yes, a little jealous.”

“I understand, anak.”

“Somehow, kase, I felt I would lose you kaya nag-selos ako.”

“You know that’s not going to happen.”

“I know, dad.”

“You’ll lose me only when I die.”

“Stay with me longer, daddy.”

She moved closer to me, and we embraced tightly. Liz did not cry anymore but was still filled with emotions.

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know. Not sad, maybe.”

“You feel betrayed.”

She nodded her head, “uhmm.”

“God, I’m so sorry.”

“But I don’t feel abandoned.”

The truth is obvious, and I said, “I cheated. The same way a husband or a boyfriend cheated on his wife or girlfriend.”

She finally admitted her feelings, “Yes.”

She turned and faced the other way, but she let me hug her from behind. My right fingers interlocked with her left fingers.

“I deeply regret hurting your feelings.”

“Somehow, I guess, I must experience heartbreaks,” she softly spoke.

“I’m sorry if I was the one who broke your heart.”

“I had experienced the best with you, so I would rather experience the worst with you.”

“But baby, I will not physically abuse or hurt you.”

“Hmm, you hurt me once.”

“Anak, never naman kitang pinalo nung bata ka.”

“No, hindi noong bata ako, dad.”

I was slightly confused as I tried to recall when I hit or slapped her.

“Like when I hit you on your butt?”

“When I was a kid, but you never hurt me. Kunwari ka lang papalo.”

“I know, those were gentle slaps because minsan you’re makulit, but not salbahe.”

Liz wriggled from my embrace, turned, and faced me. She still looked upset, at tila mukhang natutuwa na siya ng kaunti sa akin.

She hugged me and softly said, “sinadista mo ako, diba?”

Her tone slightly changed, and she sounded a little affectionate and not resentful.

“Sorry about that.”

She teased me, “hmm, you’re not really sorry.”

I took a deep breath and joked, “I know.”

Liz suddenly opened up.

“I was scared for a moment, dad.”

“You looked terrified, anak,” I regretfully said.

“I imagined that might be the closest feeling of being raped.”

I confessed, “For a moment, at that time, I felt I was raping you.”

“And you liked it, dad.” I saw it in your eyes.”

What I did to her suddenly replayed in my mind:

I pressed a little further inside until I felt that resistance again. Her face revealed her discomfort as she opened her mouth and gasped for air, “Uhgh…Uhmm, was her only futile protest.

I pushed a little further to stretch her more, but that made her more uncomfortable, “Oh dad, medyo masakit…” she said, with a trace of tremor in her voice.

I just looked at her eyes as I paused and held the pressure pushing on her hymen.

“Daddy…wait lang…it hurts dad.” I did not respond and did not ease off the push.

Instead, I pressed and stretched her hymen a little bit more.

“Dad, it really hurts na….”

I kept staring at her pretty face as she slowly showed more distress. She was somewhat a little scared, but for some sinister reason, as I watched her, I felt hornier. I pushed and stretched her a little bit more but not wholly rupturing her delicate membrane.

[A]s her eyes started to well up, [Liz] looked me in the eyes as if asking what she could have done wrong. My heart slowly melted, but lust took over and further engulfed me.

So, I paused and sustained the stretch to make the pain linger a bit longer.

“Hhuu, mmm, dad….masakit na po…”

The immense lust, the heightened excitement, and the punishing anticipation suddenly transformed me from a loving dad into a sexual sadist.

With my right hand, I grabbed and placed her left hand above her head and firmly pressed her hand on the bed. I grabbed her hair with my left hand that supported her head. With her hand above her head at habang bahagyang naka-sabunot ako sa buhok niya, Liz looked so vulnerable. She was so helpless, and I pulled her hair harder as I gradually inserted my penis.

I could see the nervousness on her face as she twisted her body, but her apprehension overpowered her, and she lost the strength to move away.

I slowly slid my erection until I felt her hymen further stretched, and I kept going slowly. Liz showed discomfort on her face as she attempted again to wriggle from side to side. Her effort was futile because her fear froze her and pinned her body to the bed.

I gave my penis a little push until her cherry completely burst. My daughter looked at me in a shocked reaction, and tears fell on the side of her eyes and down to her ears as I continuously buried my erection inside her newly deflowered pussy. Not only I can see in her teary eyes that she was in pain, but I also felt her pussy was bleeding.
… … …

“Did I rape you, anak?”

“Somehow, but not really.”

I understood what she said because, in rape, there is a lack of consent, or the other person is not legally capable of giving consent, like being underage. It seemed there was a brief suspension of consent with us, and the consent was given back in the same instance of sex. The allowance of continued penetration was equivalent to a pardon that cured the momentary raped.

“Do you still think about it?”

“Yes, but not as a traumatic experienced. Well, at least, not anymore.”

“How do you feel about it now?”

“I feel aroused when I think about it?”

“Of the idea of being raped?”

“I mean, I feel aroused when I remember losing my virginity to you.”

“Even though that was borderline rape?”

“Yes, that idea, too, but, of course, I would never want to be raped.”

What she said made sense. If a woman fantasizes about being raped, it’s just a fantasy because to suffer rape would mean not wanting to have sex at all. However, a man, though wrong and illegal, can derive pleasure in raping someone because of the fact of potentially having to reach an orgasm. Thus, some men like both rape fantasy and actual rape.

“I’m still very sorry about Tricia.”

“Dad, when I said I’d rather experience the worst with you than with someone else, I mean that I still feel safe with you having to encounter anything that life could throw at us.”

I looked at her; I did not want to anticipate her thoughts incorrectly, so I listened.

She continued, “It is like experiencing the best and worst of adulthood in a safe environment.”

“I see, baby.”

“Parang bang OJT palagi.”

A little confused and I asked, “what do you mean?”

“Parang trial and error. After an issue is resolved, I could be ready again for tomorrow’s life lessons. A learning process without the same level of the blame of the wild world or judgments of other people.”

I thought I understood her and said, “so kung sa ibang tao nangyari, like a boyfriend, you think any problematic situation will be toxic.”

“Ganun na nga siguro. At saka, dad kita.”

Liz and I have a full appreciation of our relationship. There is a mixture of father-and-daughter love and the kind of affection between lovers or between husband and wife. Therefore, passion is more wonderful.

“I’m glad we’re talking, but I still did not mean to hurt you.”

“Just give me time, dad.”

Speaking of time, I hate to rush things, but a lot happened and required us to deal with the situation rather quickly.

“Yes, baby, but how soon would you want to talk with Tricia?”

“Oh, she still here nga pala.”

“Also, she knew about us.”

Siya naman ang medyo nalito, “What does she know?”

I tried to speak in general terms, “That we have a relationship?”

But Liz sought clarity, “That we’re having sex?”

“Yes, baby.”

Liz’s eyes widened, and she propped herself on her elbows.

“Oh my God.”

“But it seems she’s fine with our relationship.”

My daughter sat on the bed and leaned on the backrest of the bed.

“Dad, are you sure.”

I described Tricia’s actions and demeanor while we were in bed this morning.

“You had sex in my bed?”

“No, I took her to your room so she could sleep. I took a shower and fetched you from the basement.”

“So, it seems ate Trish is okay with our situation.”

“Yes, otherwise, she would not be sweet when I left her in your room and would have probably left already with Yssa.”

“I understand.”

“Maybe not at this moment, but do you think we can talk to Tricia later today.”

“I guess.”

“I don’t mean to rush you.”

“I trust you, dad. We need to talk about this sooner or later naman talaga.”

“Sorry, sunod sunod ang mga nangyayari.”

Liz returned to my side and cuddled with me.

“But the best part is that Yssa and I are full-blood sisters.”

“I’m happy for you, baby.”

“Oo nga pala. Nandito pa din pala siya.”

“Let’s go eat na, so we can meet them.”

“Okay, please get me some food, and I’ll eat here in bed.”

Nanlalambing si Liz kaya syempre pagbibigyan ko siya. Tumayo ako at umupo sa tabi ng lamesa. Muli siyang sumandal sa backrest.

Liz suggested, “just put the food on one plate, and we’ll eat together.”

I thought that was a good idea. I put small portions of rice, sipo egg with shrimp, and afritada on a plate. I moved the chair next to the bed, and she moved to the edge, closer to me.

Using one spoon, we ate at sinubuan ko siya. I’d placed the plate under her jaw at sabay subo ng pagkain sa kanya. Liz would seal her lips as I carefully pulled the spoon out so as not to spill food while she was in bed.

After she swallowed, “But Yssa doesn’t know anything at all?”

“No, unless Tricia told her now while they hang out.”

“Dad, they are very close, and ate Tricia may tell Yssa about the two of you.”

“Yes, they still treat each other as sisters. They are still family and open to each other.”

But that concern suddenly shifted to another question.

“But dad, are you and ate Trish a couple, or was it a one-night stand?”

“It could be something more than a one-night stand.”

I could see on her face some disappointment.

“Baby, I can stop my relationship with her, and she’ll understand.”

Liz continued chewing her food and said nothing. I understood her silence because I knew she did not need to answer me immediately. She had the prerogative to think about it and tell me what she wanted whenever she would like. We continued eating.

… … …

Having enough food in our stomachs to not feel hungry, I stood up, grabbed the water, and gave one to her.

“There’s a lot to process, dad.”

“I know, but do you still want to talk with her later, the three of us?”

“Yes, dad, so this matter won’t be left hanging in the air for a while.”

When she said that, I understood why Liz agreed to meet with Tricia though Liz’s feelings could still be hurt.

“How could we leave Yssa out of this meeting for now?”

“Text ate Trish to come here and tell her to make an excuse to Yssa.”

“Okay, I’m sure she could come up with something.”

“Besides, Yssa likes to binge-watch Netflix during weekends.”

“I see, so she would not mind being alone for a while in the T.V. room.”

“Yes, dad.”

“But you can always cut our talks anytime if you become uncomfortable.”

She smiled at me, “I’ll be fine, dad. It’s you and ate Trish, and I love you, and I have known her all my life.”

“Yeah, she’s not a stranger to us, baby.”

“We all grew up together, with Yssa, Danielle, and kuya Raymond.”

“Deth knows Tricia, too.”

But the same question returned but rephrased and more direct.

“Dad, before we talk to ate Trish, do you consider continuing to see her?”

“The relationship?”

“Yeah.”

“Honey, as I said, I can stop my relationship with her.”

“So, it seems that you consider?”

I don’t want to lie to Liz, so yes, babe.”

Liz scooted to her left, making a space, suggesting I sit next to her. I sat on her side, and we turned a little to each other to embrace.

“Dad, this would happen sooner or later. It’s just you’re the one who meets a partner first.”

“I guess, baby, we kinda anticipated this.”

“Yeah, we talk about meeting someone.”

“So, it was not because of the heat of passion.”

“It’s not. It’s just happening soon and unexpectedly.”

“And apparently, we can’t anticipate either of us meeting someone, even if there was a forethought.”

“That correct, daddy.”

“I still regret to see you sad.”

“I will be fine, daddy.”

“We’ll get through this, baby.”

“I know. And I know that we’ll face more problems in the future.”

“We’ll tackle them together.”

“I’m glad that you’re also my partner. Had it been a different person, it would be hard or impossible to get through this issue.”

“Yes, anak. We know each other very well.”

Liz turned further toward me, and we hugged more tenderly.

“I love you, daddy.”

One of the purest forms of love is the affection and lust of a father for her daughter. If it is mutual, the bond between father and daughter is unbreakable.

“I love you, too, Liz.”

But there was a lingering mystery that she deserved an answer.

“Dad, how come ate Tricia knows about us?”

My daughter and I have already established our great love for each other. The continued trust depends on honesty. So as not to weaken our bond, we must always be truthful.

“I admitted it to her.”

“When? I meant, I know recently, but how?”

I spoke softly, trying to be delicate, “When were we intimate?”

“What made you admit it?”

“I first shared my interest in incest.”

“Like in general?”

“I described it more specifically, but not directly.”

“How?”

“I love you, and you’re my real daughter, but in the heat of passion, I kinda mentioned to Tricia that I wish she were my daughter.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, anak.”

“It’s okay, dad.” But there’s still some trace of unease on her face.

“We don’t have to talk about it for now.”

“Now is okay.”

“Well, she seemed to put things together and suspected I’m attracted to you.”

“She asked you?”

“Yes.”

“What did you say?”

“I admitted that I have fucked you.”

“Your exact words, do you remember?”

With some hesitation, I said, “Yeah.”

“What were they?”

“I said, “nakantot ko na si Liz.”

“Oh my God!” She said in surprise but not in a disapproval tone.

“But like I said, during and after, she never showed disgust and seemed fine with it.”

“During and after?”

“During and after we become intimate.”

“Well, at least, even if you were with someone, somehow, you still think of me.”

“I always think of you of you, sweetheart.”

She stared at the bed for a while before facing me and asked, “Dad, do you want to be intimate with her again?

“Only with your approval, baby.”

I realized I was so bold in saying that because I indirectly admitted that I still wanted to have sex with Tricia.

I was glad Liz was ready to compromise despite what I had done. “Can we settle something, daddy?”

“Ano iyon, anak?”

“If we’d be involved, either you or me, with another person, let us tell each other first.”

I thought it was a good idea, and it was also a better approach to protect her.

“So, you’ll seek my approval first if you want to be with someone,” I asked.

“Yes, dad.”

I knew the answer, but I stated for the record, “And you must approve my relationship, too?”

“Yes, dad.”

“That sounds perfect.”

“So, no more sudden hook-ups?”

“No more, baby.”

“And also, dad, we must limit the people who know about us.”

That totally made sense, so I said, “I agree.”

“So, ate Trish knows na. Wala na?”

“Anak, Aida knows.”

“Oh, right. She caught us pala.”

“And if Aida knows, Amy knows, too.”

“Dad, we must have a meeting with them, too and have them reveal kung sino pa ang sinabihan nila.”

“Yes, we’ll talk to Amy and Aida later today or tonight.”

“But, dad, I think Amy and Aida knew even before Aida saw us.”

Liz’s observation was accurate, “Alam nila bago tayo ma-aktuhan ni Aida.”

Liz teased me for not saying things in plain words. She looked at me and smiled “ma-aktuhan?”

It seemed the worry on her face was gone.

“Alam na nila bago tayo ma-aktuhan ni Aida na nag-kakantutan.”

Finally, Liz laughed, even though it was subtle.

“Nagulat ako nun.”

“Yes, pero sa una lang. Tapos tuloy lang.”

“May sinabi ako, eh.”

“Dumating na kasi si Nap sabi ni Aida. Ang sagot mo yata, ‘paki sabi wait lang.'”

“Yun nga yata. Pero umalis si ate Aida kaagad.”

“Not right away. I saw her through the mirror, and she watched us for a few seconds.”

“Nagulat din kasi siya.”

“Ikaw ang unang nakakita sa kanya, diba?”

“Yes, I remember nasabi ko bigla ‘ate!‘”

“Then it took her a while to say na dumating na nga si Nap.”

“So, she really watched us.”

“And you knew she was watching us.”

“Oo,” at sabay ang tango niya.

“It seemed you enjoyed it.”

“I think I was enjoying more that you were fucking me.”

“But did you like it, too, that she was there looking?”

“Yes, dad,” at tumango din siya.

“Baby, that’s the first time someone watched us having sex.”

“You like that, dad?”

“I did not know I would like it until Aida caught us, and I like it so much, anak.”

“For sure, kinwento niya yun kay ate Amy.”

“Sigurado iyon. Kaya kakausapin natin sila to tell them to keep our secret.”

“Bale so far, si ate Tricia, ate Amy, at Ate Aida, ang may alam.”

“Unless Aida and Amy told someone nga.”

“Do you think sinabi nila kay kuya Roger?”

“Ka-close nga din pala nila si Roger, lalo na si Amy.”

“Kaya assumed na lang natin na alam ni Kuya Roger.”

“Pero kausapin muna natin si Tricia while she’s here.”

“I’m ready to talk to ate Tricia.”

I texted Tricia to invite her to my room and make an excuse to Yssa, but she did not reply after ten minutes, so I assumed she had not read my text.

Maaring hindi matuloy yung “plan A” namin na mag-usap kaming tatlo kaya nag-plan B kami. Sa planong ito, ako na lang muna ang kakausap kay Tricia dahil nakausap ko na din naman si Liz at alam ko na din naman ang saloobin niya tungkol sa amin ni Tricia.

“Walang reply si Tricia. Puntahan ko na siya at sasabihin ko na lang ang napag-usapan natin.

“Sige, ikaw na muna ang kumausap kay ate at sasamahan ko si Yssa.”

“Anong sasabihin mo?”

“We’ll see. I’ll go with you, and I will come up with something so you and ate can have privacy.”

We exited my room and walked to the main living room. The main living room connects the hallways, and The T.V. room is in the other hallway. However, we also have to pass the main dining room, where we found Yssa and Tricia having some ice cream.

Yssa wore white denim shorts with a raw hem and classic navy polo with white buttons. The polo was one of the clothes Liz bought for her. The sleeves were short and covered the upper fourths of her tanned arms. Her right arm’s biceps and triceps are more developed than the left side because of playing tennis. Yssa is right-handed and neglected to work out her left arm muscles. However, her left arm muscles are toned but not as “muscular” as her right arm. Her navy polo and denim shorts accentuated her developing figure. She has a nice curve, and her chest is still blossoming. Her thighs and leg muscles are defined and toned for being athletic at her age. I have yet to see her practice or compete, so I have not seen her wearing a tennis skirt and sporting a racer-back top if those were her preferred sports apparel.

Tricia wore one of Liz’s oversized printed black t-shirts, and I noticed the khaki shorts with a drawstring waistband that she was wearing.

Me: Oh, I thought you’re watching Netflix.

Yssa: Ice cream lang po muna.

Me: Pwede naman kayo dun sa T.V. room manood at kumain.

Tricia and I looked at each other, and we both smiled.

Liz stood next to me, on my right side, hugging me. She saw the smiles and was nonchalant about it.

Tricia: Okay lang dito. We need to stretch our legs.

Hindi napansin ni Yssa na hindi na nag “opo” at “po” si Tricia.

Liz: What you’re having, sis?

Yssa: Mango, ate.

Liz: Oh, I thought the Thai Tea yan. Diba iyon yung mas gusto mo?

Inasar siya ni Tricia, “Nahihiya daw siya.”

Yssa: Uy, si ate talaga . . .pero meron ba? (At nangiti siya)

Natawa naman kami sa kanya. Malakas din minsan tumawa si Yssa kapag magkakasama sila. Madaldal din. Nag-aadjust pa siya kapag malapit ako pero alam ko din naman na medyo kalog din siya.

Tricia: Huwag ka ng mahiya bahay mo na din ito.

Yssa: Kahit na ba ate…pero syempre sa una lang. (Tuloy lang ang kain niya ng ice-cream at may ngiti habang tikom ang bibig)

Me: Sa basement na yan mag-kukulong.

Napatawa na pigil si Yssa na kapansin pansin dahil sa biglang buga ng hangin sa kanyang ilong habang tikom ang bibig dahil sa ice cream. At ng biglang napa-ubo siya ay hinimas himas ni Tricia ang kanyang likuran.

Liz: Bakit, dad? (nagtaka siya kung bakit ko nasabi iyon)

Me: Wala lang (ang sagot ko na lang pero nakangiti)

Nag medyo okay na si Yssa

Yssa: Saan yung Thai tea, ate?

Liz: Nandun sa ref dun sa kabila.

Liz referred to the second kitchen, where cooking is mainly done.

Yssa: Ang dami nyo namang ref.

Tricia: Ang dami nyo namang ref. (ang biro naman ni Tricia na pa-sarcastic na ibinalik kay Yssa ang sinabi niya)

Tricia: Sige kunin ko.

Tricia looked at me and took that as a cue to talk without Yssa being around.

Me: Let me get more cups, too.

Liz understood that was an opportunity for me to talk first to Tricia, so she sat next to Yssa and shared the spoon together to enjoy the Mango flavor. I followed Tricia to the other kitchen.

The second kitchen is as spacious as the main dining area/kitchen. There’s a big center island with a sink and four chairs on either side. It has six-seater dining set na extendable—one chair on either end, two on one side, and a bench on the other. It has big screened windows always open throughout the day for better ventilation, especially when cooking. Nandoon na yung full range oven for baking and cooking, extra stoves, microwave, blender, mixers, at lahat ng ibang cooking ware and utensils.

Nadatnan namin si Aida at Amy dun at sila na ang pinakuha ko ng Thai Tea flavored ice-cream and extra cups. I don’t feel like eating ice cream, for it was just an excuse to have a private talk with Tricia.

I thought it would be awkward to see Aid and Amy, but they were deferential towards Tricia, considering they know about Liz and me. I still don’t know which of them placed the blanket on us early that morning.

Me: Amy, pweding paki-dalhan mo sila ng Thai Tea ice-cream dun at sabayan ninyo silang mag-desert.(Gets nila na nais naming mag-usap ni Tricia)

Amy: Okay po.

Me: Paki-kuha na din yung food sa room ko.

Aida: Sige ako na dun.

Me: Pero, Amy, pag-brew mo din kami ng coffee. (Sakto naman na ang coffee maker naman ay nasa main dining area/kitchen.

I gestured for Tricia to go to the far end of the center island. She sat on one side, and I stood at the end. She’s on my left side, and we held hands and chatted about random stuff.

“Kay Aida yang shorts na suot mo no?”

“Hiniram ko, masyadong maiksi yung mga shorts ni Liz.”

“Maiksi lahat ng pambahay niyang shorts.”

Tricia gave me a devilish grin, and I just shook my head.

I waited for Amy and Aida to leave before I mentioned our relationship, but Tricia started discussing family matters first.

“I talked to papa over the phone earlier.”

“Anong sabi niya.”

“Well, nakita niya kaninang umaga yung text ko kagabi sa kanya na dito kami tutuloy ni Yssa.”

“Kinwento mu na yung nag-usap tayo nina Liz at Yssa sa cafe?”

“Yes, sinabi ko yun kay papa.”

“Ano, mag-memeeting pa ba tayo?”

“I think hindi na daw. Enough na yung conference natin noon with the lawyers, at alam na din man ni Yssa.”

“So, mag-usap na lang yung sino dapat ang mag-usap.”

“Yes, you could talk to tita Jess or to Yssa.”

“Kami ni Liz okay naman pagdating kay Yssa. I don’t need to talk to Yssa alone kaya mag-usap na lang kami na kasama si Liz.”

“Kayong tatlo?”

“Oo, kase kung anong pag-usapan namin ni Yssa ay involved na din dapat si Liz.”

“Kung sabagay. You don’t have to repeat everything to Liz.

“Pero, I think I need to talk to Jess muna alone.”

“It is all up to you.”

“We’ll take our time threshing things between Yssa, Liz, and me.”

“And Deth,” paalala ni Tricia.

“I need to inform Becca and Deth pala.”

“Don’t worry. Nag-video call na sila kagabi.”

I was not surprised to hear that since it was expected that Liz would contact Deth and her mommy Becca. Hindi nabanggit ni Liz sa akin ang kanilang pag-uuusap dahil sa ibang bagay na tinalakay namin sa kwarto.

“Sinabi sa iyo ni Yssa?” I asked to confirm.

“Kinwento niya sa akin kaninang nanonood kami.”

I whispered, “I guess nag-usap-usap sila habang magkasama tayo sa may bar at patio kagabi.”

“Ganun na nga.”

When we noticed that Amy and Aida weren’t looking, we moved closer to each other and kissed quickly, and she remembered something.

“Oh, sabi ni papa, kung puwede daw sana, he wants to talk to you first before you talk to tita Jess.”

“Did he say why?”

“Hindi eh. Pero siya na ang kumausap kay tita Jess.”

“Well, I’m sure mag-uusap na sila since out na yung result ng DNA.”

“Can you meet papa this week.”

“Yes, sige. Ikaw na mag-coordinate.”

“Sige, pag-drive ko siya if you want to meet somewhere. But of course, kayo lang ang mag-uusap.”

“Okay, so you could be there, too,” and I smiled at her.

After na lumabas nina Amy and Aida papunta kina Yssa at Liz, I leaned to Tricia and we kissed longer.

“I missed you,” lambing niya sa akin. I slowly realized that Tricia is indeed very sweet.

“Missed you, too.”

“We don’t have to tell everyone about us if you want, and focus first on Yssa.”

“Yes, but you, me, and Liz maybe should talk later today. Could you stay for another night just in case we need more time?”

“What about Yssa?”

“Does she have school tomorrow?”

“Oo nga pala.”

“Pahatid ko na lang siya kay Nap o Aldrin.”

“I have to work tomorrow, too.”

“Hatid na kita.”

“Eh, si Liz?”

“Afternoon pa yata class niya pag Monday, the driver can take her to school.”

That was when Tricia asked to clarify what I said to her about Liz.

“But wait,” and squeeze my hand a little.

“Ano yon?”

“Yung sinabi mo about Liz when we’re at the patio.”

I had an idea of what she was saying, but I wanted to be sure.

“About what?”

She paused for a while, trying to weave the right words, “Yung may gusto ka sa kanya at saka,” another paused, “at may nangyari na.”

Since Liz and I discussed this matter earlier, I thought it was best to talk about it with Tricia separately before the three of us meet.

“Yes, that’s true.

Though she already knew, Tricia was still surprised after I confirmed it. She still held my hand but looked at the table, “I know that kind of relationship happens, but I never knew it happened with you and Liz.”

“And I assure you, it was mutual, and there was no abuse.”

“You groomed her?” It was a fair question from her

“Believe it or not, it was spontaneous.”

Tricia had shared with me about her past relationships, and it was clear that she had been active in sex before. Therefore, she’s not a prude and admitted that she was not oblivious to the idea of incest. So, I shared more when she followed up.

“What do you mean spontaneous?”

I could not tell everything in detail then and did not even admit that I had a crush on Liz. But such infatuation with one’s daughter happened to and seemed natural to some fathers anyway.

“We were playing, running around the house. I caught her, and there was more contact.”

Tricia appeared very interested in the particulars but could not or was not yet comfortable asking for them.

“Noon iyon?” ang natanong niya lamang.

“It is still going on, Trish.”

“Oh,” was her reaction, for it appeared that although she acknowledged the relationship, she thought it had stopped.

“Liz seems okay with our relationship, so we want to know how you feel about us.

“You and Liz?”

“Yes.”

“This is very complicated.”

“Take your time absorbing all these facts.”

“I’m open-minded, and I understand. It’s just I never expected that this is happening to you and Liz.”

“I know that you seem to accept our relationship, but do you feel somehow repulsed?”

“I am not. It’s just that it is impossible and will never happen in my family. I cannot even imagine.”

“It is a taboo. That’s why when it happened, it happened in secret.”

“I also understand that at her age, her hormones are raging, and she has to have a sexual outlet.”

“She’s safe with me. Of course, that is what every pervert father would say, but she’s safe with me than finding sex elsewhere.”

“You know that is not entirely true,” Tricia said in a non-adversarial tone.

“But it is true for Liz and me. We discussed our distrust with other people.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes, because you are not just other people. We know you, Trish.”

“And I know you and Liz. At least, that is what I thought.”

“Nowyou know us very well,” with an emphasis on ‘now.’

“Knowing each other well could help with this matter.”

“If you want to work things out with us, we’ll talk to Liz.”

“If it is still going on, does it mean we all share one bed?”

I got excited about that idea but had to keep it to myself, “It doesn’t have to be. We could keep our relationship separate and my relationship with Liz separate.”

“Will I be a mom to Liz?”

“Oh, I know that’s bizarre, but when we talk together, that will be between you and Liz.”

“We could be best friends.”

I thought that made sense since she knew that Jess and I were not annulled, so I could not marry her. She is not Liz’s sister, too, so I agreed, “Yes, you could be best friends.

“But this is so much to think about.”

“I know, sorry. Take all the time that you need.”

“No, it’s okay. What happened to us was spontaneous, and I did not mean to enter the most private part of your lives.”

“Do you regret what happened to us last night?”

“I don’t regret it, but I’m not fully prepared for what I am learning now.”

“That’s fair to say, for no one could be prepared for the idea of having an incest relationship.”

“So, what do you want?”

“Liz is my daughter, so it’s reasonable to say I prioritized her. She’s open to the idea that you and I continue our relationship. And if you decide that we stay together, you must accept my relationship with Liz.”

“I want to be with you, and I understand now that we can’t be exclusive.”

“But if you decide in the end that you don’t want to continue having a relationship with me, I hope that you keep my relationship with Liz a secret, primarily to protect her privacy.”

“It’s hard to decide, but I will keep your secret either way. I love Liz, and I don’t want her privacy violated.”

“But where does your inclination lean? To end our relationship or join Liz and me?”

Tricia paused and thought for a while, and I was prepared for whatever her decision would be.

“My heart says to be part of your family.”

“Then let’s explore that idea.”

“Okay, we can start with that.”

“We don’t have to rush things, but we need to be on the same page at the beginning.”

“So, this means that you’ll have two lovers?”

“Yes, and in the same manner, I cannot demand that you and I should be exclusive.”

“I don’t want another man, right now.”

“Then, consider staying with us.”

Biglang bumalik na sina Amy at Aida pero hindi namin binitawan ang pag-holding hands.

Me: Ah…yung coffee?

Amy: Ay, sorry sir. Nalibang akong kausap sina Liz at Yzza.

Me: Okay lang. Maski mamaya na lang.

Amy: Pero pina-ubos ko kay Liz yung tang-halian niya.

Me: Kaunti nga lang pala yung kinain niya nung sabay kami kanina.

They placed the dirty cups and utensils on the sink upon realizing that Tricia and I were still talking. Amy and Aida then proceeded to their quarter, which is connected to the kitchen by a small hallway. Across the quarter is their bathroom/restroom.

But before they enter the hallway, “Amy paki-text si Nap o si Aldrin na baka ipahatid ko si Yssa sa kanila. May pasok kasi siya bukas at wala siyang uniform.”

“Okay, po” confirmed naman ni Amy.

“Ikaw ng bahala gumawa ng excuse kay Yssa kung bakit kayo hindi sabay uuwi,” ang suggest ko kay Tricia.

“Okay, I’ll think of something.”

“Go ahead and join the girls. I need to talk to Amy and Aida.”

“Okay Sige.”

Tumayo siya sa kinauupuan at niyakap ako. Ang kanyang halik ay nagsasabi na gusto niyang makasama ako, ngunit hindi ko din siya maaring sisisihin kung magbago ang isip niya.

Ang sitwasyon na natuklasan niya ay likas na kakaiba, subalit naisip ko din na kay ganda ng maaring kahihinatnan kung magagawa naming pag-usapan at unawain ang lahat ng bagay sa ganitong relasyon.

Totoo na ang madalas na sumisira sa ilang relasyon ay selos. Kung maiiwasan natin ang selos, at kung maayos din ang lahat ng aspeto ng pakikipagsama, alam kong magkakasundo ang mag-asawa o magkarelasyon. Subalit hindi nga pangkaraniwang ang sitwasyon namin. At sana, maski na ang selos ay normal lang naman talaga, hindi sana mag-seselos ng masyado sina Liz at Tricia sa isa’t isa,

Tinawagan ko sina Amy at Aida para samahan ako sa center island. Nanatili akong nakatayo at pina-upo sila sa magkabilang gilid—si Amy ay nasa kaliwa ko, at si Aida sa aking kanang bahagi.

Me: Ito na yung tamang oras para pag-usapan ito.

Tahimik lamang silang dalawa. Walang gustong magsalita at naghintay sa aking tanong at sasabihin

Me: Sino pa ang may alam dito tungkol sa amin ni Liz?

Nag-tinginan muna sila at tumango si Aida kay Amy, hudyat na si Amy ang sasagot.

Amy: Kami lang pong dalawa.

Me: Eh, si Roger?

Amy: Hindi niya po alam.

Hindi ko na tinanong kung gaano katagal na nila alam, bagama’t kamakailan lang kami nahuli ni Aida sa akto.

Me: Buntis na ba si Liz?

Amy: Hindi pa siya nagmens kasi.

Me: Paano ka sure.

Aida: Hindi na niya ginagamit yung pads niya.

Me: Yung lang din ang sinabi kagabi na hindi na siya gumagamit ng pads kaya sa tingin mo ay posibleng buntis siya.

Amy: Yun nga po.

Me: Kayo ang bumibili nun diba kapag nag-grogrocery kayo?

Aida: At hindi na niya ginagamit yung nasa drawer ng restroom.

Amy: Papalitan ko sana kasi alam ko yung period niya kaso hindi nabawasan.

Me: Posibleng bumuli siya sa labas.

Amy: Posible pero regular na niya kasing ginagamit yung nasa banyo. Ngayon lang po hindi talaga nabawasan.

Napa-isip ako at tahimik din silang dalawa. Then, bigla kong naalala na minsan hinipuan ko si Liz bago siya bumaba sa kotse ng ihatid ko siya sa morning class niya na I felt a string.

Kaya narealized ko na she’s been using tampons. When I asked why she started using tampons, Liz said she was afraid to use them before when she was still a virgin.

Me: Tampons na ang gamit niya.

Nagtinginan silang dalawa upon realizing why Liz was not using regular pads anymore.

Aida: Pero posibleng buntis na din siya.

Aida has a point since Liz and I are still having sex.

Amy: Or pwedi siyang mabuntis kung hindi pa.

Me: Aida, bili ka ng pregnancy test pagkatapos.

Aida: Okay po.

Me: Sino pala ang nagkumot sa amin ni Tricia kanina.

Amy: Ako sir.

Me: Kayo yung mata at saksi sa nangyayari dito sa bahay, maaasahan ko ba na tikom naman yung mga bibig ninyo at sekreto ang lahat ng ito?

Gets nila ang hinihiling ko sa kanila.

Aida: Opo.

Amy: Karelasyon ninyo pareho si Tricia at Liz?

Me: Kung anong nakikita ninyo, yun na yon. Hindi naman siguro kailangan ipaliwanag namin lahat sa inyo ang mga nangyayari. Usapan na lang naming tatlo iyon. (Ito ay aking sinabi na may pag-kukumbaba, mahinahon, at walang halong demand)

Aida: Opo, basta hindi rin namin kakausapin si Tricia tungkol sa relasyon ninyo.

Amy: Kung nandito siya parang katulad lang noon.

Me: Kilos normal lang.

Aida: Eh, paano si Deth?

Si Amy na ang kumausap kay Aida

Amy: Aida, sila sila nag ang mag-uusap. Wala na tayo doon. Normal lang ang kilos natin gaya na dati.

Aida: Okay, ate.

Me: Sige yun lang muna.

Aida: Bili na ako ng pregnancy kit.

Me: Ibigay mo kaagad kay Liz. Alam na niya yon.

Aida: Opo kuya.

I thought I had given enough time for Tricia to provide Yssa with some excuse. Tricia needs a reason so she can stay later for our talk.

I returned to the main dining area to join them but found the table empty. I heard conversations and followed the voices to the main living room.

After the previous night’s emotional rollercoaster, the kids had sobered up and acted normally as sisters. For sure, the time they had spent since we all met at the cafe was for them to plan what to do next. And because of the recent revelation, it was expected for the girls to contact their mother.

I was a bit surprised, but considering the situation, it made sense to see Jess with the children, though I wondered why she had not arrived sooner or in the morning.

Yssa was hugging their mother, but both were calm and sweet. Yssa seemed to have moved on emotionally and accepted the reality as it was. They stopped the swaying motion upon seeing me. Liz leaned her butt on the main couch’s armrest, hugging a throw pillow covering her tummy and lap. Tricia sat on the single sofa, located on the opposite end where Liz was leaning.

I saw Daniella leaning on the terrace’s baluster through the window and fanning the smoke from Raymond’s cigarette as Raymond faced up and to his side to blow smoke from his lips. Both did not see me at that moment.

Jess: Hi!

Me: Oh, hello!

There was a pause because no one dared to say anything for a few seconds, so it showed that another family conference might not be proper. Roland is right; it is better to talk separately with anyone involved.

Me: Kumain na kayo?

Jess: Yeah, nag-lunch na kami sa mall. Nag-simba kami kasama si Roland.

Me: Nasa sasakyan siya?

Jess: No, nagpahatid sa bahay at kami na lang ang pinapunta niya dito para sunduin si Yssa at Tricia.

I remember that Tricia told me that Roland wanted us to meet before I talked to Jess. But Jess was already in the house, and the circumstance warranted a changed of the plan.

Me: Would you stay for a while?

She knew why I asked and what ought to be discussed.

Jess: Yeah, of course.

Me: Girls, I would like to talk to your mom alone for now.

Liz: Yes, dad. Pero, is Yssa staying with us?

Tricia: Hala, kukunin na ni Liz sa amin si Yssa (biro ni Tricia)

Liz: Ay hindi naman ate. Pwedi naman siyang salitan dito at sa inyo.

Tricia: Joke lang iyon.

Liz: Okay lang ate. Saka nandun din kase si mommy kaya hindi naman pweding iwanan ni Yssa.

I was glad the Liz and Tricia were interacting normally as well.

Me: I’ll discuss that with your mom. For now, parang yung dati lang.

Jess: Yssa has an early class tomorrow kaya uwi muna siya sa amin. Wala siyang uniform na dala.

Liz: Okay, mom, I’ll meet her in school after my class.

As mentioned, the school Yssa and Liz attend is the same one where Jess, Rebecca, and I went. Like any typical school, the University offered Elementary teachings, Highschool classes, and college courses, with limited post-graduate studies.

Jess: Sabay na muna siya kina Ella.

Yssa: Mauna na kami?

Jess: Yes, mga maids lang kasama ni papa niyo sa house. Nag-pahatid lang ako dito after mag-lunch.

Nag-uusap kaming lahat na parang walang nagbago para bigyan ng oras at panahon ang mga bata na mag-adjust sa bagong sitwasyon. Kaya “papa” pa din ang patukoy ni Jess kay Roland.

Liz: Ngayon lang kayo nag-lunch, mom?

Jess: Dumaan muna kami sa mall, may gamit sa school na pinabili si Ella.

Daniella, Roland’s youngest daughter, had entered earlier to say hi to Liz and Tricia but went out to join her brother. She may have seen and heard me through the window and entered again to bless.

Ella: Hi po tito!

I extended my hand at nag-mano siya sa akin at umupo pagkatapos sa tabi ni Liz. Ella was wearing her dusty blue color Sunday dress. It has a round neckline, cap and butterfly sleeves. The dress has a high waist and flared hem that ends above her knees. It is a simple but lovely attire appropriate for her youthful physique.

Raymond also saw me and waved his hand to acknowledge me. I usually shake his hand instead of the traditional mano, but he just stayed on the terrace and waited for his siblings.

Jess: Sasabay ka na sa kanila, Trish?

Tricia had no good excuse to say to Jess, so the planned meeting with Liz was postponed.

Tricia: Sabay na po ako sa kanila, tita.

Jess: Hatid na kayo ni Raymond at si Nap na lang mag-drive pauwi sa akin mamya.

Even though Jess is not their mom, Roland’s kids grew up with her. So evidently, she has moral authority over them.

Ella: Mom, pweding maiwan muna ako?

“Mom” ang tawag ni Ella kay Jess dahil naka-ugalian niyang tawagan na “mommy” or “mom” si Jess habang lumalaki silang dalawa ni Yssa. Two years lang ang tanda ni Ella kay Yssa. Si Tricia at Raymond lang ang tumatawag ng “tita” kay Jess.

Jess: Oh, bakit?

Ella: Matagal ko ng hindi naka-bonding si ate Liz, eh.

Tricia: Liz sama ka na lang muna sa amin dun sa cafe hatid ka na lang namin mamya.

Yssa: Akala ko walang kasama si papa?

The excuse that the kids must accompany their dad at home was made up by Jess so that she and I could talk. Apparently, that was not really the case.

Jess: That’s okay. He’ll be taking his nap, anyway.

They all knew, though not saying, that Jess and I needed time to talk, so they agreed to have an impromptu bonding that afternoon.

Jess: O sige para kumpleto kayo.

Ella: Wala mom si Deth.

Jess: You know what I meant, sweetheart.

Yssa: Daanan natin si ate Stella sa dorm kung pwede siya.

Liz: Sige text ko siya pero mag-palit lang ako.

Liz went to her room and changed quickly. She also wore a light blue button slim top, which was a long-sleeve with a laced pattern on the forearm areas. It has buttons, but the top three were opened. Meanwhile, Tricia wore her dark blue jeans but kept wearing Liz’s t-shirt. She carried her collared white long sleeves shirt.

Wala kaming chance na mag-usap kahit saglit ni Tricia tungkol sa aming dalawa habang nasa living room kami. She hugged me the same way Ella, Yssa, and Liz hugged me to avoid any suspicion for those who weren’t aware of our affair. I have no plan to reveal it to Jess and maybe it’s best to keep it secret from her.

Jess and I went to the second kitchen and sat at the dining table. I sat on one end, and she sat on the bench.

Amy came out from their quarter when she heard us moving around and was surprised to see Jess.

“Mam Jess ikaw pala.”

“Hi, Amy!”

“Kayo lang pong mag-isa?”

“Kasama ko sina Raymond at Ella?”

“Sige mam, asikasuhin ko sila.”

“Kaalis lang nila,” ang sabi ko naman.

“Sumama na po si Yssa?”

“Sumama na din. Wala siyang uniform eh,” paliwanag ni Jess.

“Pasensya na mam, hindi ko po napansin na dumating po kayo.”

“Okay, lang. Susunduin lang naman namin si Yssa.”

Sakto naman ang pagdating ni Aida mula sa drugstore or convenient store at dala ang pinabili ko.

“Oh, Aida komusta ang alaga mo?”

Natulala si Aida saglit bago nakapag-salita, “Ay, okay naman po ate.”

“Baka magiging dalawa ang alaga mo niyan dito.”

Tila lalong nabigla si Aida. Akala niya yata na tungkol ito sa posibleng pag-bubuntis ni Liz. Hindi pa niya yata alam sa oras na iyon o maaring nakalimutan ang tungkol kay Yssa. Sa mga sandaling iyon ay hindi ko na rin masubaybayan kung sino na ang nakaka-alam na anak ko si Yssa. Una namin kasing pinag-usapan ang tungkol sa posibleng pag-bubuntis ni Liz at ang tungkol sa amin ni Tricia.

“Mam, baka matagal pa po iyon,” ang posibleng panganganak ang maaring tinitukoy ni Aida.

“Ewan natin, baka next week na.”

Nang mapansin kong lalong nagulat si Aida kaya nag-salita ako, “Baka lumipat dito si Yssa.”

“Ah, ganon po ba,” at biglang nahimasmasan ang mukha ni Aida.

“Sayang hindi mo nadatnan sina Ella kanina.”

“Ay, nakita ko po. Nakita nila ako sa kalsada kani-kanina lang.”

“Nag-lakad ka?”

“Hindi mam, nag-bike po ako.”

Napansin ko ang hawak na brown paper bag ni Aida kaya mukhang nabili niya ang kit, pero walang oportyunidad na gamitin iyon ni Liz. Maaring pag-balik na lang niya.

Medyo halata naman ni Amy na may pag-uusapan kami ni Jess kaya niyaya niyang bumalik sa kwarto si Aida. Pag-karinig ko ng pag-sarado ni pinto ng kwarto nila Amy ay nag-usap na kami ni Jess.

“So, have you seen the DNA result?”

“Yeah, Atty. Remi forwarded it to me.”

I went straight to my lingering questions and asked her directly.

“Kailan mo pa alam na anak ko si Yssa?”

Nakatitig lamang siya sa lamesa. Kaya’t tinanong ko ulit siya subalit iniwasan niya pa din ang tanong.

“I knew even before the DNA results.”

“We all have moved on for the kids. Wala na tayong isyu so, maybe, just tell me kailan mo pa talaga alam.”

“Well, ibang issue naman ito.”

“Pero hindi ito katulad nang noon.”

“Hindi ba?” ang tanong niya.

Lumaki at nag-dalaga na ang mga anak namin at matagal na panahon na din ang lumipas mula nang mag-hiwalay kami ni Jess. Pero naintindihan ko ang tanong niya dahil karugtong o ugnay pa din nga ito sa nakaraan ang kasalukuyang nangyayari.

“We all have gotten mature, aren’t we? Okay naman na tayo, kami ni Roland matagal ng nagkasundo. Kaya iba na tayong mag-isip at nag-plaplano na lang para sa mga bata.”

“Sabagay tama ka.”

“Jess, madami tayong aasiksuhin.”

“Yeah, nabasa ko yung memorandum ng meeting ninyo.”

“So alam mo na may mga legal issues tayong haharapin.”

“Well, non-contentious naman lahat.”

“I’m glad. Kayo ng bahala ni Roland sa dissolution ng properties ninyo.”

“Yung issue sa company, okay na ako dun.”

“Pati na din sa mga properties natin mga lawyers na ang bahala,” dagdag ko pa.

Nagkatinginan kami at bigla niyang nasabi, “Kasal pa din pala tayo.”

“The irony nga naman,” napangiti ako at napa-iling.

“Alam naman natin yan. Wala tayong annulment, diba?”

“At least legitimate child si Yssa,” sagot ko na lang maski ganun naman talaga ang legal status niya na dahil wala kaming annulment ni Jess.

And Jess realized that too, “hindi lang legitimate child, biological daughter mo din siya.” Sinabi niya iyon hindi parang pa-alala kungdi parang pina-paunawa niya na meron akong karapatan bilang ama.

“Sa totoo lang, maski ano pang ang reason na masabi ng iba, masaya ako na anak ko siya.”

“I know, kahit sabihin pa ng iba na pagpapatunay na hindi kami nag-kaanak ni Roland, o maski baligtarin pa ang lahat, sa’yo talaga si Yssa.”

“At kahit paano, mabuti naman at okay pa din si Yssa sa mga anak ni Roland.”

“Wala naman magbabago sa mga bata.”

“It seems like it. They all get along. Pero Jess, kailan mo pa alam?”

Ang kanina ko pang tanong ay sinagot niya din sa wakas.

“Even before she was born.”

Napa-iling na lang ako. Si Yssa kasi ang naging basehan sa tuluyang pag-sasama nila ni Roland. Nais niyang makasama si Roland at ang pagkakaroon nila ng anak ay mapapadali ang gusto o plano nila noon.

Napahinga ako ng malalim at wala na din akong magagawa. Naging masaya na ako sa relasyon namin ni Liz, at naisip ko na din ang posibleng magandang kahihinatnan ng relasyon namin ni Tricia.

“Obviously, ngayon lang nalaman ni Roland.”

“Dahil nga sa kailangan niya ng blood donor.”

“Dun nag-umpisa kung bakit na-discover na hindi siya and dad ni Yssa.”

“Pero anak ang turing niya kay Yssa mula sa simula,” ang paalala ni Jess.

“Well, kasi nga akala niya sa kanya.”

“Tinuring niyang anak si Yssa dahil ang alam niya talaga ay anak niya ang bata maliban sa gusto niyang mag-sama kami.”

“I believe that he thought from the start he was the father based on what I observed about him during the conference.”

“Feeling mo nakaganti ka?”

“I am not vindictive. Maybe close to feeling vindicated, but not sure what I was vindicated for. I was not blameless.”

“Let us not dwell too much on the past.”

“I know. Sorry. But, what now?”

“Sa alin?”

Since Roland petitioned to dissolve their community property, I asked her to confirm my suspicion.

“Maghihiwalay na kayo?”

“It’s a mutual decision. We’re on good terms. He’s been a good partner, and now that he’s getting older and have health issues, I support his decision.”

“May na-established naman kayo, and it’s really better for him to retire.”

“He’s practically been retired. I supervised the company, and we have good managers.”

“So paano yung bahay ninyo?”

“Maski hindi pa din final and pag-split ng properties namin, we agreed na sa akin mapupunta yung bahay. Babayaran or papalitan ko na lang ng ibang portions ko sa properties yung half portion niya sa bahay.”

“Uuwi na nga pala siya sa probinsya nila.”

“Kaya hindi niya kailangan yung house.”

“Pero doon pa din titira muna si Tricia.”

“Oo naman. Para may kasama din si Yssa pag nandun siya.”

“Eh, si Raymond?”

“Diba doon siya sa isang unit sa mga apartments?”

“Oo nga pala.”

“Masaya na din si Roland sa retirement niya since malaki din ang estimated value ng half ng properties namin na makukuha”

“At may income pa yung iba.”

“Iyon na nga, diba,” ang pag-confirm ni Jess.

I remember suddenly na ang half ng portions na makukuha ni Jess sa pinundar nila ni Roland ay property ko din.

“So, he’s going back to Aurora?” (Roland’s wife and Daniella’s, Tricia’s, Raymond’s biological mother)

“They have been on and off.”

“Even when the two of you we’re still together?”

“Yeah, kabit lang din ako,” at siya naman ang nangiti at napa-iling.

“Well, sa’yo naman siya yata nag-stay ng matagal.”

“Ganun na nga lang.”

“And you should be credited for taking care of their children.”

“Ayos lang naman. Si Ella lang naman ang halos baby pa noon.”

“Kung sabagay at saka may yaya din sila.”

“Saka dumating na din yung point na tulungan tayo sa kanila.”

“We all get along not only for Liz and Yssa, pati nadin kina Ella, Tricia at Raymond.”

“Pati na din kay Deth,” paalala niya sa akin at natawa siya.

“Well, of course,” ang sabi ko naman. Syempre hindi ko naman makakalimutan si Deth pero ibang usapan naman kasi pag-dating kay Becca at Deth.

“Alam mo, sa lahat ng dinaanan natin lahat, at sa puntong ito,” she shrugged her shoulders, “mag-seseryoso pa ba tayo.”

I looked to the side opposite her, took a deep breath, and faced her again, “Yeah, no need to stress out on things.”

Biglang naglakad palabas si Aida sa kitchen at napatigil ng makita kami.

“Ay, sorry.” Akala niya wala na kami sa kusina.

“Oo nga pala, magpreprepare pa kayo ng dinner para mamya.”

“Lilinisin ko lang po yung pinaglutuan.”

“Sige lipat na kami sa sala.”

Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa living room natanong ko na, “Sasama ba muna si Yssa dun kina Roland?”

“Oh, no. May school siya.”

“I thought merong uuwi o sasama sa kanila? Yung ang usapan noong conference.”

“That was not final. Nag-usap na kami ni Roland. Pero sama sama ang mga anak niya sa pag-hatid sa kanya.”

“Okay din iyon para mag-kareunion sila saglit”

“Nandito kasi ang business.”

“Babalik din sila kaagad?”

“Diba sa conference ninyo si Trish magiging independent director ng company.”

“Oo, part iyon ng arrangements.”

“At si Raymond pa din ang mag-mamanage ng mga apartment units.”

“Eh, si Ella?”

“I feel na hindi siya hihiwalay kay Yssa. They’re very close.”

“They can travel anytime naman.”

“Oo, back and forth na lang siguro sila at bibisita since mabilis naman ang mga flights.”

“Kaya dito pa din mag-babased ang mga anak niya.”

“Ganun na nga. May mga maids at boy naman sila doon sa province nila at saka mga kapatid ni Roland.”

“Eh ikaw?” Bigla kong natanong.

“Of course, I’m going to stay here. Wala akong business dun sa kanila,” sabay natawa siya.

“Well, I know that….”

“I know what you’re asking naman. Nandito si Liz at Yssa kaya doon ako sa bahay.

Bahala silang dalawa kung saan nila gustong mag-stay.”

“May isang room pa naman dito para kay Yssa,” suggest ko naman sa kanya.

“Ah, yung guest room?”

“Oo, fully furnished din iyon.”

Pero biglang naalala ni Jess yung basement.

“Ay teka, ano nang itsura ng basement ninyo?”

We had already reached the living room and pointed her way to the basement.

“Gusto mong makita?

I led the way to the basement.

“Malamang dito mapapadalas si Yssa, dream niyang magkaroon kami ng basement.”

“Nakwento mo nga.”

“Nag-video call kami kagabi at pinakita nila. Pero gusto kong makita ng personal.”

“Sa basement naman palagi sila nag-bobonding, maski noon pa.”

“Ipipilit niya siguro na dito siya mag-stay.”

“Wala naman problema sa commute sa school since pareho sila ng school ni Liz.”

“Hindi naman sila pareho ng schedule.”

“Si Aldrin o si Nap na ang bahala. Besides, pwedi din naman tayong mag-hatid at sundo.”

“Sabagay. Marunong naman mag-commute si Yssa.”

“Pero madaming sakay pauwi dito.”

“Yung nga lang. Hindi katulad sa amin.”

“We can talk more about that later on.”

“Wow,” nang makita ni Jess ang basement.

Pagbaba sa steps or hagdanan, naka-bungad o kita ang buong size ng basement pati na rin kung saan banda ang restroom/shower room.

“You like it?”

“Pweding tumira isang family dito.”

“Hindi naman,” pa-humble ko.”

“Dun si Yssa sa itaas,” turo ni Jess.

Standing on the bottom step facing the basement, the double-deck bed is in the right corner against the wall. Hence, the walls serve as a boundary on one end and one side.

“Si Liz sa baba at dun sa isang single bed ay kay Deth.

The single bed is also on the right side of the basement and situated next to and aligned to the double deck. One side is also against the wall. Nasa gilid lahat ng bed at nakasandal sa dingding.

“Kailan darating si Deth?”

“This summer, dito siya.”

“Susunduin ninyo nga pala siya.”

“Yeah”

“Pero huwag ninyo nang isama si Yssa. Pagdating na land dito ni Deth sila magbonding.”

“Okay lang. Kami na lang ni Liz ang susundo kay Deth.”

Jess turned to face me and looked at me in the eyes.”

“So, are you happy?”

“I could not ask for more.”

“You have three daughters. I’m happy for you.”

With what she said, I asked her, “And you?”

She turned around, walked, and sat at the small dining table. She looked down at the floor and smiled, “I’m happy, too. I have my family.”

The bunk bed was a few feet from where she was sitting, and I went and sat in Liz’s space. I leaned on the wall and extended my knees, with the lower half of my legs and feet dangled on the bed’s edge.

“But though I have three, the two are yours, too,” and we laughed.

“Aren’t you worried?”

I knew she meant being worried in general for having three daughters.

“Of course, I’m worried.”

“Ako din naman,” she admitted, which is typical for both of us parents.

“They’re doing well.”

“Yeah, but syempre hindi naman natin alam lahat about them.”

“True, pero they are making their own lives as they grow up. Hindi naman natin

malalaman lahat ng aspects ng buhay nila.”

“Sabagay. At saka okay naman mga grades nila. Si Deth ba, komusta school niya?”

“Maski hindi naman siya nag-totop sa school, she’s good in all her subjects. Pero above average pa din.”

“Okay lang yan. Pareho lang sila ni Yssa.”

“Oo nga pala. Paki-share na din mga grades niya sa akin.”

“I think now, ibibigay naman niya sa’yo ng kusa.”

“Diba sa highschool ini-email ng adviser yung grades.”

Then I realized hindi pa pala final yung correction ng birth certificate at yung pagkuha ko ng legal custody sa kanya.

Na-gets naman yun ni Jess kaya sabi niya, “In the meantime, i-forward ko yung grades ni Yssa.”

Jess adjusted her seat and faced where I was seated, though not directly in front of me. She was about forty-five degrees situated from the exact place of Liz’s bed where I was sitting.

She crossed her legs and crossed her arms in front of her. She was wearing a black wide-leg pants and a brown blouse with flutter sleeves with a ribbon on the left side collar. She left her pumps at the main entrance and wore the same sandals Tricia wore.

“Eh yung mga tournament ni Yssa pala.”

“Yung tennis?”

“Oo.”

“Hindi ka pa pala nakapanood no?”

“Si Liz lang ang pumupunta.”

“Sige, forward ko din yung mga schedule ng mga matches niya.”

“Eh, yung practice niya?”

“Sa school na siya nag-prapractice. Iyon din kasi ang PE niya.”

“Wala bang nanliligaw sa kanya?”

“I don’t know. Alam mo naman we can’t know everything. Cellphone nga nila off-limits.”

“Parte na yun ng privacy nila,” ang sabi ko na lang.”

Bigla niyang natanong, “Eh, si Liz?”

“Ano?”

“May boyfriend na ba siya?”

I acted cool and pretended to be disinterested, “I think wala. Ano ba sabi niya sa’yo?” Binalik ko ang tanong sa kanya.

“Wala din naman. They don’t normally share their crushes.”

“Kung may boyfriend, we would know?”

“How?”

“Syempre manliligaw yung guy.”

“Not all guys nanliligaw sa bahay.”

“Pweding may makakita sa school, sa public places.”

“Hindi naman natin sila mino-monitor ng ganun.”

“Hindi nga naman pero pweding makita ni Yssa or ni Tricia tapos sabihin nila sa’yo.”

“Eh, magkakampi ang mga iyon pag-dating sa ganyan. Secret nila iyon syempre.”

She has a point.

Para tuloy lang ang kwentuhan namin, we kept talking since okay na din ang usapan namin tungkol kay Yssa at yung mga other legal issues, mga abogado na ang bahala.

Pero hindi ako sigurado kung bakit ko din nasabi na, “Iba kasi nung time natin.”

She seemed to understand what I meant in a general sense. But she stated something specific, “oo, noon sa bahay pumupunta kapag nanliligaw.”

“Meron pa din naman siguro. At saka wala pa namang nagpunta dito na manliligaw. Kung meron man, sasabihin sa akin nina Aida,” dagdag ko na lang.

Medyo nabigla naman ako ng sabihin niya, “Ikaw nun diba pumupunta ka sa bahay namin?”

“Pero sa school tayo madalas din magkita.”

“Sa school nga pala tayo nagkakilala.”

Medyo natahimik kami pareho at napatingin lang ako ng deretso. Pero para hindi naman magmistulang big-deal pa din iyon, hindi ko na iniwasan ang topic.

“Mas bata pa tayo noon kaysa ka Liz.”

“16 ako at 17 ka, diba?”

“Yeah, ahead ako ng one year.”

Nag-uusap naman kami ni Jess tuwing meron okasyon, halimbawa tuwing meron salo-salo or family reunion with our common relatives. Sa office nila kapag business related. Sa school ng mga anak namin kapag merong ceremony or award, lalu na noong nag-graduate ng highschool si Liz at ng elementary si Yssa. Pero bihira kaming mag-usap na kaming dalawa lamang.

“Noong bang tayo na, dun ka palang pumupunta sa bahay?”

Kahit na alam naman naming dalawa na nanligaw ako sa bahay, sinabi ko na lang na, “maski nung nanliligaw pa lang ako, pumupunta na ako sa inyo.”

“Oo, nga pala. Sumasabay ka sa service namin.”

“Pero sumasabay ako maski nung hindi pa tayo.”

“True. Diba sumabay ka sa service nung araw na nakipag-kilala ka sa akin.”

Kontento na ako at nag-agree siya na pinupuntahan ko siya sa bahay maski hindi pa kami officially na mag-on. Kaso na-amazed din ako ng kaunti dahil natandaan niya yung ibang detalye katulad nang sumabay nga ako sa service nila nung mismong araw ko siyang nakilala. Pero binanggit din niya na nag-pakilala ako sa kanya.

Ibinalik ko na lamang ang usapan sa kasalukuyan at ibinaling ang topic kay Liz. At sabi ko, “I’m sure meron mga nag-papakilala din kay Liz.”

“Pihikan yata anak natin.”

Bihira kong marinig sa kanya ang ‘anak natin,’ na parang ini-emphasized niya ang commonality namin.

“Baka wala siyang magustuhan.”

“Hindi ba siya nagugustuhan ng crush niya?”

Assumed naman talaga na merong mga crush ang mga bata pero ang depensa ko para kay Liz, “hindi naman syempre si Liz ang mag-iinitiate or aamin sa crush niya.”

“Natotorpe ang mga lalake, no?”

“At walang umaamin siguro sa kanya.”

“Kaya nagkataon maski MU wala.”

“Ganun na nga siguro,” dagdag ko pa.

“Mas bata tayo sa kanya nung naging tayo,” paalala ni Jess at kami muli ang ginawa niyang example.

“Baka talagang wala pa siyang nagugustuhan sa mga nanliligaw sa kanya,” ang sabi ko kahit alam ko na bihirang merong maglakas loob na manligaw dahil na-totorpe at yung ibang nagsimulang manligaw ay bigla na lang nawawala o humihinto.

“Alam mo naman ngayon, may mga late teens pero parang na-stuck ang iba sa pagiging bata.”

I should have changed the topic pero I wanted to make a point, “pero kahit naman early teens or maski elementary meron ng mga crush.”

“Meron din nagkakaroon ng syota na mas bata pa, like 12 or 13,” and pag-sang ayon niya.

Jess raised her interlocked fingers, palms facing up, and stretched her arms and legs.

“Nangawit ka yata. Stretch mo muna mga legs mo sa bed.”

I was referring to Deth’s single bed, but she moved to Liz’s bed and sat on my side. Jess was about two feet from me; Like mine, parts of her legs and feet dangled at the edge as she leaned on the wall, too.

“Baka lesbian si Liz,” at sinabi ko ito ng pabiro.

“Hala!” pero sinundan niya ng, “I guess okay lang siguro.”

“Kung sakali man lesbian si Liz, okay lang ako,” ang dagdag ko sa usapan namin kahit alam ko na nag-eexplore pa din si Liz sa sekswalidad niya.

“Kung lesbian siya ay sana ‘bi’ na lang din si Liz,” para may chance na mag-asawa din.”

I felt a sudden excitement because Liz has a crush on Stella, and it’s a fact that Liz and I know. But obviously, Jess had no idea about Liz’s sexuality unless Liz opened up to her mom about having girl crushes.

“Pero hindi naman natin alam. Hayaan na lang natin siya,” I said hoping to end the topic.

“Pero, we have to prepare and take pre-cautions, too.”

That was the first time we talked about the kids’ dating.

“What do you mean?”

“Sa age nila, malakas ang epekto ng hormones sa katawan,” and sagot ni Jess na ang ibig niya talagang sabihin ay nalilibugan din ang mga anak namin.

Alam ko naman ang tinutukoy ni Jess dahil pinagdadaanan natin lahat ang pagbibinata at pagdadalaga.

“Hindi naman siguro lahat nadadala ng hormones,” ang sinabi ko. Pero maski meron mga taong walang gaanong interest sa sex at bihirang makaramdam ng kalibugan, kakaunting lang ang mga iyon.

“We started early din, diba?” Ang paalala naman ni Jess sa akin.

Ang tema ng aming usapan ay generalized concern kina Yssa, Liz, at Deth at marahil pati na din kay Ella kaya nasabi ko na, “Well, you could talk to them about birth control at the time proper for their age.”

Pero kung tutuusin, nasa tamang oras lahat sa mga anak namin na pag-usapan ito. Mas bata nga yung iba sa kanila, pero posibleng magkaroon sila ng relasyon sa ka-edad o malapit sa edad nila.

“Ay, baka lalo silang magka-idea,” ang pabiglang sagot ni Jess.

Maski meron kaming lihim na relasyon ni Liz, nag-banggit na lang ako ng mga bagay tungkol sa pag-dadalaga at usapang sekswal na ugnay sa mga anak namin at para ma-planuhan ito.

“We could anticipate them having sex early pero we must emphasize that we’re not encouraging them.”

“Kung sabagay. Mas mainam na safe sila kung hindi talaga maiwasan.”

“Mahirap na nga. Kung baga, better safe than regrets.”

“Baka matulad sa atin,” ang muling reference ni Jess tungkol sa aming dalawa.

“Kung sakaling maaga din silang magka-relasyon, support pa din natin sila, katulad ng ginawa ng parents natin.”

“Kapag nandyan na huwag na lang natin pigilin.”

“Kase kapag nandyan na at i-discouraged natin, baka itago naman,” ang pagsang-ayon ko naman.

“Maliban sa pagkakaroon ng relasyon, diba maaga tayong nag-kaanak?”

Another reference about us when she said that, but maybe what she could be really trying to say was that we must be concerned about the kids; thus, to avoid what happened to us na maagang nag-asawa. But having such an idea made my heart beat faster because of the thought of Liz possibly getting pregnant.

But our talk made sense pa din kase there are teens, as young as thirteen, who are having sex with persons of the same age or closer to their age. So, if that cannot be totally avoided, even after parents disprove the relationship, it is better to place daughters under birth control pills or shots and advise sons to use condoms.

“So ikaw na ang bahala na mag-educate kay Yssa? Tanong ko sa kanya.

Jess pulled a pillow, lay on her right side facing me, and placed the pillow between her thighs to make herself comfortable. Thighs and knees were bent. Her right elbow supported her body, and her right hand held her right cheek.

“Eh kay Liz, would you talk to her?” Tanong niya sa akin.

I looked at her and noticed the contour of her breasts inside her blouse.

“I think she’s matured enough for us to talk,” ang sagot ko na lang kunwari.

“I could talk to her too if you want?”

“Either way, you or me, okay lang sa akin.”

“Maybe we can be open with them about the topic of relationships,” said Jess, and I noticed that she was facing on my lap, but not sure if she was staring.

Minsan kasi nakatingin tayo sa isang direksyon habang may iniisip na malalim. Kung baga, nagkataon lang na doon tayo nakaharap.

“We could initiate the conversation casually or encourage them to ask,” ang suggest ko sa kanya.

She agreed to my suggestions, “it’s better for them to hear our opinion other than learning about relationships through others, like from their friends.”

Natawa ako bago ko sabihin, “paano iyon, sa atin sila kukuha ng advise? Implying that our relationship was far from perfect.

Gets ni Jess, so she smiled and said, “syempre iba yung perspective na mabibigay natin.”

“Baka isipin nila na takot tayo sa sarili nating multo.”

“Hindi naman siguro.”

“Yeah, hindi naman. They are smart,” ang sabi ko kaagad.

Jess said something more specific, “ang concern ko lang yun sex eh,”

“I know.”

“Diba, sa umpisa holding hands, tapos hugs, kiss.”

“Tama. We knew what our parents worries for us back then.”

“Na hindi naman sila mali,” at nagkatinginan at natawa kami dahil guilty kami pareho sa mga worries ng parents namin.

She continued, “from kiss, light petting, hawak, syempre mag-eexplore sila.”

“Sa tingin ko naman kina-kausap sila ni Tricia,” ang sabi ko dahil close siya kina Yssa, Liz, at Ella.

“What kind of advice you think na mabibigay ni Trish?”

“Well, I’m not sure, pero kase diba, nag-karoon na din naman ng boyfriend si Tricia.”

“Ba’t alam mo?”

“I think nabanggit nila minsan,” ang kunwari ko na sagot.

“Sabagay. Pero baka lalo naman silang ma-encouraged sa mga sini-share ni Trish.”

“Yung nga lang.”

“Sa tingin mo si Liz nag-masturbate?” Jess sounded more clinical when she asked the question.

Alam ko naman ang sagot sa tanong niya. Pero to answer her indirectly and to suggest that if she did it when she was younger, it is likely that Liz did the same, so I said, “Diba ikaw at her age, or even younger, ginagawa mo na yon?

“Kung sabagay,” Jess realized and accepted the idea that Liz masturbates, but of course, Jess didn’t know that Liz had done more than that.

I also inquired, “have you, at least, mentioned or talked about sexuality with Yssa?”

“Hindi pa. I hope nga that Tricia talked about that topic with her and Ella since they are close.”

“Ganun na nga sana. Pero you should follow up, too,” ang mungkahi ko.

“Yeah, kakausapin ko si Yssa, whether or not she has interest on that matter.”

Jess adjusted her body to stretch again. She was on her back when she extended her arms, so her upper body was away from me. I noticed the contour of her breast again when she was lying on her back. After she stretched, she returned to her side-lying position facing me.

“Pero huwag din tayong masyadong mag-overthink.”

“Eh kung katulad ako ni Liz noon magka-age kami?”

“Ano iyon?”

“Na malibog din.”

Medyo nabigla ako sa sinabi ni Jess kahit alam ko naman ang sagot. Pero nabigla din kase ako dahil deretso niyang na itong sinabi.

“We’re all humans,” sabi ko na lang.

“Saka wala namang pinipiling edad talaga.”

“Wala naman talaga,” pagsang-ayon ko.

“Ba’t ikaw hindi naba?” At natawa siya sa tanong niya.

“No comment,” sabi ko na lang kahit napangiti ako habang umi-iling.

Tinapik niya ang aking kaliwang hita, “We can talk naman about this. Matured naman tayo.”

“I know. It’s just unusual.”

“Sa mga nangyayari ngayon, expect mo naman na mapapadalas ang mga usapan natin.”

“Alam ko naman na madami tayong plaplanuhin para sa mga bata.”

“Yung pang custody mo kay Yssa,” ang isa pa niyang halimbawa.

“Okay, ayos lang naman na mag-usap tayo.”

“Wala ka bang girlfriend?”

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasagutin ang very casual na tanong niya. Syempre hindi ko naman pweding aminin ang tungkol sa amin ni Liz at yung tungkol naman kay Tricia ay maaring hindi pa nasa tamang oras pag-usapan.

“Wala,” ang sabi ko na lang.

“Oh, ikaw pa?” Kantyaw niya sa akin.

I just shrugged my shoulder.

“Hindi ba kayo nag-sesex ni Becca pag nandun ka?”

“Focus lang namin ay si Deth,” at hindi deretso ang sagot ko.

“Okay,” ang pag-tanggap niyang tugon sa sinabi ko.

Jess knew I would not share anything about Becca, so hindi ko na nag-elaborate.

Although aware of Roland’s poor health condition, bigla ko lang nasabi, “Eh si Roland, ‘game’ pa rin ba?”

Agad naman ang sagot niya, “medyo matagal ng hindi.”

Obvious naman na may karamdaman si Roland at ang misyon na lamang ng mga anak niya ay to make his life comfortable.

“Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s all good. We had our good years.”

It was further realization na habang kasama pa niya si Roland sa bahay, companionship na lang sila. Pero they still care about each other and love each other.

Acceptance na lang talaga ang nangyayari, lalo na sa pag-balik ni Roland kay Aurora. Romantically ay break na sila pero Jess and Roland remained as close friends. It is obvious naman na they still care for each other, considering the circumstances.

“Wala ka bang boyfriend?” Ang tanong ko at narealized ko na parang ina-accused ko siya na nag-checheat siya kay Roland. Kaya sinabi ko kaagad na, “Oh, sorry. I don’t mean to ask that.”

Pero cool lang si Jess, “It’s okay. We’re just talking lang naman, diba?”

Para lumayo na kami sa topic, iniba ko ang usapan.

“Sana unahin asikasuhin yung pag-dissolve ng property ninyo para mas madaming pang-gastos si Roland.”

“He has more than enough right now. Pero tama ka, uunahin yung pag-separate ng property namin.”

“Para na din ma-settle yung hereditary rights ng mga anak niya.”

“Totoo palang meron din siyang ipapamana kay Yssa,” ang naalala ni Jess dahil isa iyon sa pinag-usapan at ipinangako ni Roland sa conference.

“Syempre, anak pa din ang turing niya kay Yssa.”

“Since we’re on this topic, we must plan para kina Yssa at Liz. At syempre si Deth.”

Naiba ko bigla ang usapan.

“Oo nga pala. Yung makukuha mo from Roland ay magiging part ng absolute community property natin.”

Hindi ko akalain na babanggitin niyang muli ang estado namin.

“Kase kasal pa din tayo,” sabi ni Jess.

“And my properties, including this house, are yours, too.”

“Someday sa mga anak natin.”

“We can continue making investments.”

“We’ll work together dun sa security company?”

“Yes, but you and Tricia can focus more on that company. Ako ng bahala sa warehouse business.”

“I can help you, too,” volunteer naman niya.

“Of course, kilala ka naman sa nila so may new boss sila.”

“Ay, ayaw ko. Empleyado lang ako,” biro ni Jess.

We both appeared excited about making plans for our business and our children and became more relaxed.

Jess looked at me and smiled.

“What?” I asked

“Wala lang,” and looked at the top of the bunk.

“No, seriously, Ano yon? Ang insist ko, thinking that she wanted to say something about the businesses.

“Some of these plans are possible, and some events happened dahil wala tayong annulment.”

“Those are good implications naman, considering our history.”

Intentionally or unintentionally, bumalik kami sa topic ng relasyon namin.

“Life goes on.”

“We have more things to look forward to.”

“No annulment, so kasal pa din tayo.” This was already an established fact, but Jess made us hear about it again.

“Hiwalay nga lang,” and shrugged my shoulders again.

Our demeanor was still business-like, and our mood was in a “matter-of-fact” tone.

But that demeanor and mood suddenly shifted to a different realm when she said,

“I’m still your wife.”

“In a legal sense,” was my answer but with a smile because she said it some tenderness.

“We now have two houses. Would you like to share one?” Her tone shifted from tenderness to more sensual.

My mind was still operating under a contractual and casual mode, so I joked, “To save expenses?”

“Sure, I could move here if you want,” was her enchanting proposal.

After she said that, though my mind seemed relaxed and unconcerned, my body reacted differently. Her statement implied some possible outcomes of the suggested arrangement.

Jess noticed my body’s excitement and added fuel to it, “mag-asawa pa din naman tayo.”

Tila nasilo ako as lambat na ibinato sa akin, “Yes, you’re still my wife.”

“You’re still my husband.”

My ‘rigid’ reaction became very clear, and she not only looked at my lap area but stared at it.

Ang mga bagong magkasintahan, lalo na kung wala pang karanasan sa pagtatalik, ay nag-papakiramdaman muna kung paano lalapitan o hahawakan ang bawat isa. Kung meron naman kaunting karanasan, maaring alam na kung paano tansyahin ang karelasyon. At kung matagal na sila at alam na ang nais ng nobyo o nobya o kabiyak, madali na ang ritwal o foreplay sa kanila.

Ang kumpyansa sa sex ay maaaring mula sa pagkakaroon ng maraming karanasan sa isa o dalawa o higit pang mga kapareha. At kung minsan, dahil sa tagal na ng pagsasama, ang sex ay maaring maging nakagawian or pangkaraniwang na lamang.Subalit maski ganon pa man, ang sex ay dulot pa din ng pagnanasa at ang kagustuhan na sumaya at labis na magpasarap.

Hindi na kami mga teenager ni Jess at nagkaroon na kami ng mga karanasan noong kami ay magkasama pa at karanasan sa ibang tao noong kami ay magkahiwalay na. Samakatuwid, ang sex ay hindi na bago sa amin at ang sanhi nito ay ang likas naming pagiging malibog.

Kaya naman, nang mapansin ni Jess and aking biglang pagkasabik, gumapang siya palapit sa akin. At kahit na hiwalay na kami sa loob ng maraming taon, ang kilos niya ay kaswal at komportable na tulad ng karaniwang ginagawa ng isang babae sa matagal na katalik.

Maski wala akong kibo at wala akong salita na pag-tutol, halata ang aking pagnanasa kahit ito’y kubli pa ng aking suot. Hindi din maikukubli sa kanyang mga mata ang aking hindi inaasahang kasabikan and ito’y walang alinlangan niyang minasdan.

Kusa kaming nakipag-ramdaman at kaagad din ang pag-unawa sa aming pag-kilos dahil sa pagyuko at pag-gapang niya papunta sa akin, pumihit ako paharap sa kanya kaya ang aking mga paa ay napa-deretso sa ibabaw ng kama. Sumandal ako sa dingding at pumagitna siya sa akin.

Ang bunk bed ay nasa sulok ng basement kaya ito ay nakadikit sa tabi ng dingding. Ang kabilang dulo namang ito ay walang harang at doon banda nakapwesto ang kama ni Deth.

Hindi ako kumibo at pinanood lamang siya nang hilahin niya ang garter ng shorts at boxer ko gamit ang kaliwang kamay at hinawakan naman ng kanan ang aking katigasan. Napatingala at napapikit na lamang ako ng aking maramdaman ang kanyang basa at mainit niyang bibig.

Hinaplos ko ang kanyang buhok, leeg, at balikat para ipahiwatig ang aking pagkagalak. Mahinang, “hmmm,” hmmm,” “hmmm…, ang kumawala sa aking bibig kaya’t lalo pa siyang ginanahan.

Habang subo niya ako, ini-angat ko ang aking pwetan at itinulak pababa ang aking shorts at boxer. Hinila naman ni Jess ang aking suot hanggang tuluyan akong mahubaran.

Matapos niyang mag-ajdust sa tamang angulo, pinikit ko ulit ang aking mga mata at muling ninamnam ang sarap na dulot ng kanya mga labi at dila.

Medyo malakas na “Ughhm,” Uhmm,” ang aking nasambit ng maramdaman ko ang mga dulo ng kanyang mga daliri na kumi-kiliti sa ilalim ng aking mga bayag. Kasabay nun ay ang pag-angat ng ulo niya at pananatili sa pag-supsop sa itaas na kalahating parte ng aking ari.

Binalot ng kanang mga daliri at palad ang ibabang kalahating parte ng aking ari at kasabay ng pagsalsal niya pababa ay ang pag-angat ng kanyang ulo na sinaktuhan niya ng pag-chupa sa bandang dulo.

Tuloy-tuloy niyang ginawa ito at pati ang mga daliri ko sa paa ay muntik ng mamulikat sa lakas ng pag-baluktot ng mga ito.

Napalitan ng “hhaa,” hhaa,”hhaa, ang aking tinig dahil sa mabigat kong pag-hinga.

Ipina-ilalim ko ang aking kaliwang kamay at dinakma ang kanang suso ni Jess. Nilamas ko ito ng bahagya habang tuloy ang kanyang masarap na pag-chupa.

Hinaplos at hinawi ng aking kanang kamay ang buhok niya upang mapagmasdan saglit ang kanyang mukha.

Halatang sanay si Jess at alam tansyahin kung malapit o papa-labas na ang tamod, kaya ng maramdaman niya na papalapit na ako sa pag-putok, nag-menor siya sa pagsipsip.

Iyon naman talaga ang isa sa mainam na paraan sa pagtatalik dahil ang kaunting pag-kabitin ay nagdudulot ng lalong mas masarap na damdamin.

Binitawan ko ang suso niya at inabot and zipper ng blouse niya sa likod. Matapos ko itong buksan, binitawan ng kanyang bibig ang aking titi at hinubad ang blouse.

Nakayuko at paluhod siyang lumapit sa akin na parang ini-aalay ang kanyang dibdib.

Lantad sa aking mata ang makinis na balat ng kanyang dibdib at ibabaw ng kanyang mga suso. At ng aking mapansin na ang pagkaka-sakbit ng bra ay sa harapan, inabot ko at binuksan ang kanyang floral na burgundy na bra.

Kasing pula ng rosas ang kanyang mga utong at hindi na maliit tulad noong siya’s dalaga pa. Bagkus, dahil dalawang beses na siyang nag-dalang tao at dalawang sanggol ang pina-sustansya ng mga ito, ang mga utong ni Jess ay nasa tamang laki at hubog.

Kumandong siya sa akin at sinapupo ng kanyang kaliwang palad and ilalim ng kanyang kaliwang suso at inilapit sa akin.

Hindi na mahalaga kung ito ay utos o hiling at agad sumunggab ang aking bibig sa kanyang suso.

Dama ng aking dila ang laki, hugis, at katigasan ng utong niya at napa-supsop ako ng malakas sa sobrang biglaang sabik.

“Ughmm,” ang sagot naman ni Jess sa aking pagka-gigil. Sinalo ko naman ang kanang suso niya at salitan kong sinuso ang mga utong niya.

“Aahh,” Aahh,” “Ahh, ang mga iyak ni Jess nang aking bahagya at maingat kong kagat-kagatin ang mga utong niya.

Binitawan ko ang suso niya at gamit ang aking dalawang kamay ay iniangat ko ang pwet niya kaya siya ay napa-luhod sa pagitang na aking mga hita.

Pagkatapos, hinipuan ko ang gitna ng kanyang mga hita habang abala pa din ang aking bibig sa kanyang dibdib.

Nang marinig ko ang pagbaba ng kanyang zipper na kusa niyang binuksan, isinakbit ko ang aking mga hinlalaki sa taas ng kanyang suot na pambaba.

Agad niyang pinagdikit ang kanyang mga hita upang mahila ko pababa ang suot niya at mahubaran ko siya. Nang lumantad ang matching laced burgundy panty niya, muli kong sinalat ang kanyang gitna at dama ko ang pagkabasa ng makinis na tela. Dahil nakababa lamang at suot pa din niya ang panty at pants, ibinuka hanggang sa makakaya ang mga hita niya upang lalo ko siyang mahipuan.

“Ohh,” Ohh,” Ohh,” “Fuck!” “Hmm,” “Hmm,” “Hmm…,” ang daing ni Jess sa sabay na pagsuso ko sa kanyang mga utong at pagsalat ko sa kanyang hiyas.

Hinawi niya ang suot na panty pagilid at pina-hintulutan ang aking daliri na ipasok sa kanyang ari. Basa at madulas ang lagusan ni Jess at dagling pumaloob ang aking gitnang daliri.

“Uhmm,” “uhmm,” “uhmmm,” ang mga ungol niya habang finifinger ko siya.

Binilisan ko ang pag-labas masok ng aking daliri at tuloy lamang ang aking bibig sa dibdib ni Jess. Tuloy din ang pagkatas ng puki niya at hindi din nagtagal ay nilabasan niya sa aking ginagawa.

Niyakap niya ang aking ulo at leeg at pinisil sa dibdib at sunod sunod na, “Hhaa!” “Hhaa!” “Hhaa!” ang walang pigil niyang ungol sa basement at sa pwesto sa kama ni Liz.

Nakaluhod pa din si Jess sa aking harap ng maramdaman kong lumuwag ang kanyang yakap at nadama ko ang mga palad niya sa aking pisngi. Ini-angat niya ang aking ulo kaya napabitaw ang aking mga labi sa suso at utong niya.

Nagkatinginan kami at ang mga mata niya ay may bahid na kasiyahan at pag-susumamo.

Inilapit niya ang kanyang bibig. Ang mga labi na kanina lamang ay nakabalot sa aking ari ay may natural na pag-kapula at nangingitab na parang hinog na prutas.

Ibinaba ni Jess ang kanyang mukha at matapos ang nakalipas panahon at mga nakaraan na mga taon, muli kong natikman ang kanyang halik.

Marahan at nagsimula sa bahagyang pisil ang aming mga labi. Tuloy sa pagpasok at labas ng aking kanang gitnang daliri at ang kaliwang palad ko ay nilamas ang kanang suso. Nag-lingkis ang aming mga dila at unti unting humigpit ang pag-pisil ng mga labi.

Sabay kaming umungol subalit mas umapaw ang mga halinghing ni Jess, “Hmmm,” “hmmm,” “hmmm,” “Oohh,” “Oohh,” “Oohh….,” at bibitaw siya saglit sa aming halik upang habulin ang kanyang hininga.

Ang pananabik mula sa haplos at halik ng dating kasintahan ay may halong lungkot mula sa naudlot na pagmamahalan na parte na ng malayong nakaraan.

Mula sa aking pisngi, hindi bumitaw at dumulas lamang ang kaliwang palad ni Jess sa aking leg, kanang balikat, braso’t kamay at hinila ito upang ilabas ang aking daliri mula sa puki niya.

Ini-angat niya ito idinampi sa aking uhaw at bahagyang bukas na bibig. Ipinasok niya ang aking daliri sa aking bibig at agad kong nilasahan at sinipsip ang katas ng kanyang ari.

Matapos kong masimot ang nektar sa aking mga daliri, inilabas ko ang mga ito at humawak sa kayang magkabilang bewang.

Tuluyang dumulas ang aking mga kamay hanggang maabot ko ang itaas ng kanyang pants at panty na nakababa na kanina pa.

Marahang umupo si Jess at unti unting umusog palayo sa akin at kasabay ng kanyang pag-usog at pag-unat o deretso ng kanyang mga binti ay ang paghila ko sa natitira niyang kasuotan pambaba at pangloob.

Kasabay din ng pag-pwesto ng kanyang ulo sa kabilang dulo ng kama ay ang tuluyang kong paghila upang lubusan na siyang mahubaran. Matapos nun, pareho na kaming hubo’t hubad at ako’y muling nabighani sa ganda at hubog ng katawan ni Jess at lalo din akong nasabik sa kapal at lago ng bulbol niya.

Nahiga na ring ng tuluyang ang buo niyang katawan ng pumagitna ako sa kanyang mga hita upang halikan ang pinagmulan ng nektar na bumalot sa aking daliri.

Ang kaliwang palad ko ay nilamas ang kanang suso niya at pinisil ng mga daliri ang utong nito.

Ang sarap at linamnam na aking nalanghap at nalasahan habang aking salitang dinilaan, sinipsip, at hinigop ang kanyang hiyas ay may ka-akbay na naghalong bahagyang lungkot at kaunting kalungkutan.

Umangat si Jess at tumungkod sa kanyang mga siko. Nahiwalay ang aking mga labi mula sa kanyang ari ng siya’t tuluyang umupo. Umangat at umupo na din ako at ang aming mga tuhod at hita ay magkadikit at halos magkapatong ang mga ito nang kami’y mag-harap sa ginta ng kama na tinutulugan ni Liz.

Naglakbay mula sa kahapon ang damdamin na pagkabigo at pagsisi. Ang dating pakiramdam ng kawalan ng pag-asa ay kumalabit na din dahil sa mga bagay na noon ay hindi ko nagawa at hindi nangyari.

Subalit ang lumbay at panghihinayang na dulot ng mga pinalampas na pagkakataon ay unti unting nilulusaw ng maalab na halik ni Jess. Humalik din siya sa aking pisngi, sa aking leeg at inipit ng mga labi niya ang aking tenga.

Abala din ang aking kamay sa pag-hipo sa kanyang katawan na napakatagal at madaming kahapon ang lumpias ng aking huling haplusin.

Tuloy lang ang halikan at ang pagkilos ng aming kamay sa aming katawan at kung minsan kami ay sandaling maghahawak kamay bago muling damhin ng aming mga palad ang katawan ng bawat isa.

At sa aming pagkakaupo, muli siyang humawak sa aking mga pisngi. Humawak naman ako sa kanyang mga braso. Sa aming pag-harap at lapit sa isa’t isa, ako’y nakaramdam ng biglang pag-dagsa ng magkahalong kasabikan, pagnanasa, at kaunting alinlangan, takot, at kaba.

Napansin ko din na habang naka-ngiti ang tikom niyang mga labi, may kislap sa kanyang mga mata na nag-aanyaya na linawin ang aking isipan at limutin kahit saglit ang kirot ng nakaraan.

At sa muling pagkakataon, nag-lapat ang aming mga noo, habang magkahawak ang aming mga kamay. Nakapikit kami habang pinakiramdaman ang malumanay namin na pag-hinga. Matapos ang ilang saglit, pinisil niya ang aking mga kamay, huminga siya nang malalim, at kanyang sinabi nang may lubos na katiyakan sa kanyang tinig ang magkahalong hiling at utos, “kantutin mu ulit ako.“

Yakap ko siya, isang kamay sa bandang taas ng likod at ang isa ay sa bandang bewang. Hawak din ako ni Jess habang inihiga ko siya at pumatong sa kanya. Ang mga ulo namin ay nasa gawing pwesto kung saan malapit ang kama ni Deth.

Sa puwestong iyon, ang dingding naman ay nasa aming paanan at sa aking kaliwa. Kaya sa aking kanan ay parte ng open space kung saan nakalagay ang mini-dining set, sofa, at iba pang gamit. At doon din banda, sa kabilang dulo, kung nasaan ang paanan ng hagdanan paakyat.

“Uhhmm,” ang payapa niyang ungol sa aking unang ulos. Pagkasagad ko sa loob niya ay muli ko siyang hinalikan. At ng yumakap siya sa aking ay nagsimula ng bumayo ang aking bewang.

Nagsimula ako ng marahan at pinakiramdaman ang tugon ng aming mga katawan na matagal ng hindi nagyapusan.

Hinaplos at pinisil pisil ni Jess ang aking pwet at nilamas ko ang suso niya. Tuloy din ang aming halikan at dilaan. Sa aking pag-ulos at sa aming mga halik at haplos, dahan dahan nanumbalik ang pagiging pamilyar namin sa isa’t isa.

Unti-unti na ring napapadiin ang aking pagbaon. “Hmm,” Hmm,” “Hmm…” Yan, sige,” “Ganyan,” ang sensual na pag-hikayat niya sa akin.

Napapikit si Jess at napabuntong-hininga sa umuusbong na sarap. At habang ang aking galaw ay mabagal, hihilain ko ang aking ari na halos hanggang sa ulo at muli kong bahagyang itutulak na may dikdik sa bawat pag-sagad.

Umangat ako ng kaunti at minasdan siya.

She may not be as young as when we first met, but her beauty lasts.

At doon na nga nanumbalik ang nakaraan. Sinunggab ng aking bibig ang kanyang pisngi, ipit ng labi ang kanyang leeg, at bahagyan kagat sa kanyang baba. Sasabayan niya ito ng haplos at pisil sa aking katawan bago muli ko siyang mamasdan.

Bakas sa aming mga mata ang gigil at sabik.

Napapa-hinga ako ng malalim at napapahawak din ng mahigpit sa tuwing aatake ang aking mga labi sa kanyang mukha at leeg.

Ungol lang at walang salita at ang aming katawan lamang ang nag-usap at muling nakipagkilanlan.

At kasabay ng hawak at haplos ng aming mga kamay, at ng pag-tatagpo ng aming mga labi ay ang pagsasalubong ng aming balakang.

Nilaro-laro ko din ang kanyang utong at pinaikot-ikot ng aking hinlalaki ang paligid nito. Pagkatapos ay gamit ko ang aking hinlalaki at hintuturo upang salitang pisilin, hila-hilain, at dahan-dahang rolyohin ang kanyang naninigas na utong.

Humawak din si Jess ang aking pwet at sinalubong ng kanyang bewang ang bawat ulos ko. “Uhm,” “uhm,” uhm,” na may kaunting lakas na ungol niya sa bawat salubong ng aming katawan at baon ng aking katigasan.

At maya maya, gamit ang mga palad, hinaplos ni Jess ang aking pisngi at tumitig sa aking mata para magbigay hudyat na simulan ko na siyang lalong pasarapin.

Ako’y agad na tumalima at ipina-ilalim ko ang aking mga braso sa likod ng kanyang mga balikat at isinakbit o humawak naman ang aking mga palad sa ibabaw ng kanyang mga balikat upang mahila ko ang katawan niya kasabay ang aking pagdikdik.

Kaya naman napalakas ang kanyang mga ungol na dinig sa buong ibabang silid.

Siniiil ko ng halik ang kanyang bibig at dama ng aking mukha ang map-wersang buga ng hangin mula sa kanyang mga ilong.

At sa tindi ng sarap, bumitaw siya sa aking halik at yumakap ng mahigpit at idinikit ang mukha sa aking leeg. Yumakap na din ako sa kanya at binigyan ko siya ng makakasunod na ulos. Iginalaw niya din ang kanyang balakang para isalubong sa akin.

“Hhaa,” Hhaa,” Hhaa,” ang papalakas niyang ungol na umabot at pumapanhik na sa hagdanan.

Hindi nagtagal, ako’y umangat at lumuhod sa harap niya at ipina-ibabaw ang mga hita niya sa aking mga hita.

Inilagay ko ang aking mga kamay sa gilid at likod ng kanyang bewang at hinila siya habang binibigyan ko siya ng mas mabilis na hataw.

At kahit halos tila nag-hihingalo, nagawa niyang abutin ang kanyang tinggil at nilaro-laro niya ito habang ang isang kamay ay sakmal ang suso.

At dahil doon, nagsimulang labasan si Jess sa sarap mula sa kanyang loob, tinggil, at sa pagdakma ng kanyang suso. “Fuck!” Fuck!” Fuck, baby!” “Yeahhh!” “Uhhmm,”

“Uhhmm.” “Oh, fuck!” “Oh, my God!” “Ohh,” “Uhh,” “Oohh…”

At nang tumirik na ang kanyang orgasmo, napahawak kamay kami ngunit ang aming sakmal ay sa may bandang pulso, sa dulo ng aming mga bisig.

At sa aming pagkakahawak, nirapido ko ang aking bewang kaya bumaluktot ang kanyang katawan pagilid dahil sa halos di makayanang sarap. Tila nais niyang kumawala sa akin ngunit pigil siya ng aking hawak at magkabilang hita.

Matapos niyang makabawi sa paghinga, tumingin siya sa aking mga mata at nagsabi na may halong pag-sumamo at maka-awa, “angkinin mo ulit ako.”

Humawak muli ako sa bewang niya at ginabayan ng aking kamay ang pag-angat at pag-pihit niya.

Kusang sumunod ang katawan ni Jess hangang nakatuwad na siya sa aking harapan na parang aso.

Wala na akong sinayang na sandali at agad ko siyang pinasukan at binayuhan habang nakalapat ang palad niya sa kama at yuko ang ulo.

Upang ipahiwatig ang kanyang pananabik, bahagyang pumihit ang kawatan at lumingon sa akin. Kagat ang gilid ng ibabang labi at tumitig sa akin ang halos pikit niyang mga mata.

Nakakagalak pagmasdan ang mukha niyang balot sa libog at ang suso niya na sumasabay umalog sa aking mga ulos.

At kahit lango siya sa pagnanasa, nagawa niyang ipahiwatig ang nais niya na aking gawin, “tamuran mo ang puki ko.“

Bumaba ako sa kama at ipinihit ko siya hanggang ang ulo niya ay sa bandang dingding at mga paa ay sa gilid ng kama. Tumayo ako sa tabi ng kama habang siya ay nakatuwad sa aking harapan.

Sa muling pagbaon ng aking katigasan, inabot ko ang kanyang buhok at isang beses king pinilupot ang aking kaliwang kamay bago ko ito sinakmal. Kasabay ng aking pag-sakmal ay ang paghila sa kanyang buhok kaya napatingal siya. Hawak naman ng aking kanang kamay ang bewang niya at sinimulan ko siyang kantutin ng mabilis at mapwersa.

Nagkasabay-sabay ang aking sunod sunod na, “Hha!” “Hha!” “Hha!” “Hha!” sa kanyang mag-kakadugtong na “Uhhmm!” “Uhhmm!” “Uhhmm!”

Sumabay din ang naghalong malakas na salpok ng aking bewang sa pwet niya at ang palo ng yumuyugyog na double-deck na kama sa dingding.

At ang magkakasabay namin na walang pigil at kontrol na ungol at ingay ng kama ay umalingaw-ngaw hindi lamang sa ibabang silid pati na rin sa hagdanan at sa itaas ng bahay.

“Uhm,” Uhm,” “Yan, sige.” “Sige.” “Sige pa!” “Sige pa!” “Shit, sige pa!” “Tang-ina, babe,” “Tang-ina.” “Sige pa!”

Ang tanging tugon ko lamang ay mabilis kong pagkantot sa puki na noon at tila hanggang ngayon ay aking muling pagmamay-ari.

Napakapit ako sa itaas ng kama at idiniin ko ang aking mga mata sa gilid nito habang ako’y nilalabasan at humihingal.

Nang ako’y matapos labasan ngunit mabigat pa din ang hingal, inabot at hinawakan ni Jess ang aking kaliwang braso at hinila ako pabalik sa kama. Pagkatapos ay inilapat niya ang kanyang palad sa aking dibdip at itinulak pababa sa kami, bilang hudyat na ako’t humiga.

Sa aking paghiga, lumuhod muna sa aking ibabaw si Jess bago pumwesto at idikit ang kanyang puki sa aking bibig.

Nilamas ko ang mga suso niya habang dinidilaan ko at nilulunok ang magkahalong katas niya, pawis, at tamod ko.

May halong pag-aruga at lambing ang mga haplos ni Jessica sa aking buhok at pisngi ng sabihin niya sa akin na, “gusto mo pa din pala yan.”