My Elizabeth 15
The After Sex
Jessica’s wavy hair extends below her shoulder blades. She lay prone on my left, and her face pressed on my chest. Almost half of her body was on top of me. And there I was, so close to her. Her familiar scent, touch, and kiss seemed like a one-night stand with an ex-lover. Her thighs and knees were extended, and I was amazed to observe her sexy figure: from her head to the slight downward curve of her lower back, then turning up again on her luscious buttocks.
Her thighs are rounded, lean, and toned. Her calves are also sexy and smooth. I am impressed that after I impregnated her twice, she never neglected her body and maintained a hot figure. Jessica is indeed that woman with children that men, especially younger men, would want to fuck.
Recovered but sweaty, Jessica and I lay naked on our firstborn child’s bed. Above us is our second child’s favorite spot. My left hand caressed her head and playfully spread her hair on her back. Her left arm rested across my chest, and her fingertips lightly stroked my face, neck, and right arm.
I could hear the faint sound of a truck’s roaring engine passing on the street, the fading call of a vendor peddling his goods, and the distant barks of dogs from the neighbor. But I could not hear any noise or movement from upstairs. I felt like the house left us alone for a while to reflect on what just happened.
Sa magkarelasyon, and halik ay tanda ng pag-ibig at pagnanasa ngunit ang aming muling pagsisiping ay hindi nag-simula sa halik. Ngunit mga labi namin ay muling nag-tagpo lamang sa kalagitnaan ng libog at sabik, at isinubo at sinipsip ang aking alaga. At nang matapos humupa ang init, ano ang maaring kahulugan ng susunod na halik? Ito ba ay dulot lamang ng saglit at hiram na sandali, o ito ay aming bagong simula?
Habang kami ay nagninilay-nilay matapos ko siyang muling angkinin, ang aking labi ay dumampi na sa kanyang noo, at ang kanya namang halik ay sa aking pingi.
She extended her neck and looked at me as I stared at the bottom of the top bed above us.
Jess asked me, “are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
She reached for my right hand and interlocked our fingers.
“Ikaw, okay ka lang?”
She nodded her head but did not say anything.
Katabi ko’t kayakap at sa mga kilos nagkipagkilanlan muli ang aming mga katawan. Pero hirap naman sa salita para ipahiwatig ang nasa isip tungkol sa aming biglaang pagsasama.
Tila mas madali para sa amin ni Tricia na pag-usapan ang hinaharap sapagkat hindi niya itinuturing na minsan o pansamantala lamang ang aming relasyon. Ang nasa-isip ba ni Jessica ay dahil madami kaming pag-uusapan at plaplanuhin tungol sa mga bata at ari-arian kaya hindi na muna kailangan linawin agad ang estado ng aming relasyon, lalo na’t maraming oras din naman ang i-uukol namin na magkasama?
Parang hindi namin prayoridad ang aming relasyon sa mga oras na iyon. Kaya naman hindi siya at ako ang paksa na aming mga tinalakay.
… … …
Nakadapa pa din siya ng itinukod ang katawan sa mga siko at umangat na tila meron biglang naalala.
“Uy, alam mo?”
“Ano iyon?”
Saglit na salitan na bumaluktot ang mga tuhod upang i-unat at i-ikot ang mga paa sa bandang bukong-bukong.
“Pero promise mo na you will not act weird, no?”
“I don’t even know what I’m making a promise for.”
“Basta, sige na. Mag-promise ka,” and medyo excited niyang pilit para ako ay mag-promise.
Curious about what she was about to tell me, so, I said, “sige promise. I will not act weird,” na may kaunting pagka-sarcastic at habang I was shaking my head side-to-side like a bobblehead.
Inilapit niya ang kanyang bibig sa aking tenga na para talagang merong ibubulong na sekreto.
“Basta promise mo secret lang ito.”
Maski na-intriga ako, biniro ko siya, tayo lang dalawa dito sa basement, you don’t need to whisper.”
“Ay oo nga.”‘
Marahang pinitik ang aking ilong at huli na ang aking pag-ilag kaya napa-pikit na lang ako at kunwaring naiinis, “so ano iyon?”
“Galit?” ang tanong niyang nakangiti.
“So, ano nga iyon?”
Tila hindi niya pansin ang sinabi ko na kami lang dalawa sa basement at lumapit sa aking kaliwang tenga at bumulong.
What she revealed was totally unexpected, and never once I suspected it, “crush ni Raymond si Liz.”
“What? Talaga? Hindi nga?” Ang sunod sunod kong nasabi matapos mapa-angat ang ulo ko sa pagkakahiga.
“I know, nakakagulat diba?”
Napa-isip ako ng kaunti, and deep inside me, I understood naman. If I could fall in love with my daughter, anyone could possibly be attracted to her, too.
Nagsalita ako ng malumanay, “well, it’s normal for guys, and maybe even girls to have crush on Liz, hindi ko lang kasi nakita iyon kay Raymond.”
Humiga na siya patagilid at ipinatong ang kaliwang hita at tuhod sa akin at yumakap na para akong mahabang unan.
She asked me, but her tone sounded like she wanted to see my reaction rather than get my approval, “eh kung manligaw si Raymond kay Liz?”
Akin pa din inu-unawa ang ideya na may crush si Raymond kay Liz kaya aking natanong, “I thought they treat each other as sibling. Kuya ang tawag ni Liz kay Raymond, diba?”
“Pero nagka-crush pa din siya at saka alam naman niya na hindi naman sila magkapatid.”
Hindi ko naman maaring balewalain ang nararamdaman ni Raymond, “well, we cannot invalidate his feelings if that is what he feels. Pero crush lang naman siguro.”
Bahagyang humaplos ang dulo ng kanyang mga daliri sa aking baba at pisgi, “I think infatuated siya.”
Napakunot ang noo hindi dahil sa yamot kung di dahil sa pag-tataka, “Really? “Pero, teka, paano mo nalaman.”
“Basta, one time noon, nag-share si Raymond sa akin,” she explained but sounded elusive.
“Nag-share siya sa’yo.”
“Oo.”
“Kung sabagay, naging close ka na din sa mga anak ni Roland.”
“I’m close to them. Nakita ko silang lumaki at nag-matured.”
“Pero baka noon lang niya crush si Liz.”
“Hanggang ngayon may gusto siya kay Liz.”
“Sino pa ang may alam?”
“I’m not sure, pero I think sa family, ako pa lang.”
“Secret admirer pala ni Liz si Raymond.”
“Oo, tahimik lang siya.”
Nasabi ko pa, “madalas pa naman silang mag-kita.”
“Diba sabay-sabay silang lumaki kaya matagal na silang nag-bobonding.”
“May mga time na sa inyo din natutulog si Liz.”
“Oo, diba madalas kapag bakasyon nila?
“At saka kapag nagka-yayaan sila ni Yssa.”
Pero hindi pa nag-overnight dito so Raymond?”
“Ang alam ko hindi pa. Hatid sundo niya lang niya ang mga girls.”
“Pero noong birthday ni Liz, nagswimming sila dito.”
“Pero hindi nag-overnight si Raymond.”
“hindi nga. Kasi siya ang nag-drive sa amin ni Roland at naiwan ang mga girls.”
“Nevertheless, they have spent time together many times.”
“Right now, magkakasama sila,” Jess reminded me.
When she said that, I realized the many times they were together were the chances that he could have made a move on Liz.
“Pero kailan pa daw.”
“I’m not sure when, but obviously na-developed si Raymond.”
“I guess it’s a typical and healthy type of crush.”
“It’s really an admiration,” na confident na dagdag ni Jess.
I thought I would feel jealous, but I felt something similar to my reaction to the man who leered at Liz while she was trying on a pair of shoes at the mall. I strongly suspected that Raymond may have lusted on my daughter, too, because such physical desire almost always accompanies the feeling of attraction.
I downplayed the idea of Raymond having a crush on Liz at nilihis ko ang paksa ng usapan. “Pero, diba may ka-live in si Raymond?”
“Wala na sila ni Stacey.”
Hindi naman ako updated at hindi ko naman pansin ang private life ni Raymond.
“Kailan pa?”
“I think last year pa.”
“Matagal na din pala.”
“Pumunta ka ba nung first birthday ni Chester?” (Anak ni Raymond at Stacey).
“Ay, hindi.”
“Oh, si Liz lang yata. Kase after few months, nag-split na sila.”
“Eh, si baby Chester nasaan?”
“Nasa kay Stacey. Nagbibigay na lang ng support si Raymond.”
“Sigurado ka na hindi kasal si Raymond?”
“Hindi sila kasal. Hindi niya maitatago sa papa niya kung kasal siya.”
“Pero hindi natin alam iyon.”
“Siguradong sasabihin niya sa papa niya kung ikakasal siya. At saka, sa records sa office, walang silang marriage certificate at sa birth certificate ni Chester, acknowldement ang pirma ni Raymond.”
“Kung sabagay, may access ka sa mga files ng staffs sa company.”
“You can check the files, too, since co-owner ka na din ng company.”
“Ilang years silang mag-on ni Stacey?”
“Teka. Two years old na si Chester,” nag-isip muna si Jess, “hmm, bale four years sila na magkasama.”
“Nag-lived in sila even before mabuntis si Stacey,” I remembered.
“Kaya nga nabuntis, eh,” at natawa kami.
“Teka, so hindi si Stacey pala ang college girlfriend ni Raymond.” Bigla ko kasing naa-lala ang kwento ni Tricia.
“Gwapo din naman kasi si Raymond kaya nagkaroon din ng ibang girlfriend.”
“Iba pala yung pagiging tahimik niya.”
“May time na makwento din siya, lalo na kapag naka-shot.”
“Madalas ba siyang uminom?”
“Hindi naman. Social drinker siya at saka noong hindi pa bawal sa alak si Roland, silang dalawa lang sa bahay minsan.”
“Experiensado pala si Raymond.”
“Sa inom?”
“Sa relasyon.”
“Pero even back then, he’s responsible naman,” ang depensya niya kay Raymond.
“Kung sabagay having some experienced in a relationship is not necessarily a bad thing naman,” ang sabi ko upang makisakay sa sinabi niya.
“And even back in college, he’s already matured in how he acts and speaks,” added Jessica.
I noticed that on Raymond, too, and I acknowledged what she said, “you see him grow up, so it seems you know him well.”
“He’s a good person. A lot better than his father,” at natawa mismo si Jess sa sinabi niya kaya natawa din ako.
“Pero ang lakas niya yatang manigarilyo?”
Nang sabihin ko iyon, biglang na-excite ulit si Jess at napahawak sa braso ko, “ay alam mo, nabawasan na yang paninigarilyo niya.”
“Well, that’s good he’s trying to quit.”
“Alam mo kung bakit?”
Medyo nagtaka ako dahil health reason naman talaga ang legit at dapat na dahilan sa pag-quit sa paninigarilyo pero may gusto pang sabihin si Jess kaya tinanong ko na lang, “Bakit nga?”
“I challenged him.”
“Challenged him in what?”
“Sabi ko kung gusto mo si Liz, tanggalin mo iyang yosi.”
It was an unusual challenge and for such a purpose.
“But he’s still smoking. Nakita ko lang siya kanina sa terrace.”
“Yeah, but what you see is only, maybe, ten percent of what he normally smoked.”
I admit I was impressed because I know quitting cigarettes is hard. Jess smoked, too, but it was easier for her to stop when she became pregnant with Yssa.
Since I thought it was rather unusual and for what purpose of his trying to quit cigarettes, I was intrigued, “teka, why did you challenge him kung may gusto lang naman siya kay Liz?”
“Sabi ko kung gusto mong ligawan si Liz, itigil mo ang yosi.”
“Oh, ligaw challenge pala.”
“Ganun nga.”
Earlier, I thought Jess mentioned the idea of Raymond courting our daughter just to see my reaction. It appeared that she was trying to get my approval.
“So, is it okay na manligaw si Raymond?”
“Maski meron ng anak?”
Wala namang masama kung may anak si Rayond, pero it is still a part of my general concern para sa aking anak.
“I know him kase at saka nasa kay Stacey naman si Chester.”
“Meron issue na kaagad.”
“Sino ba ang walang issue?”
Obviously naman, we all have issues, so Jess made a fair point.
I completely understand. While Raymond is not her son, I can see that Jess knows Raymond’s character and personality for living together in the same household for many years.
I know I had no right to question the relationship between “close” family members, but I had to pretend and asked, “pero diba parang mag-kapatid sila?”
“Siguro mas turingan nila ay parang mag-pinsan.”
I pretended to disapprove of such a close relationship when I said, “does being cousins better?”
“But they are still not related, and it only shows na they could be close.”
But to maintain our good vibes, sabi ko na din, “I understand what you feel about Raymond’s attraction to Liz and why you support it.”
She thought I was becoming open to the idea.
“I’d rather have Liz be with a person that I know very well,” explained ni Jess.
The idea of Raymond and Liz slowly sank into my head. Even though I felt something familiar, I was a bit concerned, too.
“Even if Raymond had experienced before?”
“You mean being in a relationship?”
“And all aspects of it.”
“Like sex?” she asked.
“Well, that, too.” Na iyon naman talaga ang tukoy ko.
“At least yung first-time ni Liz would be with someone who had experienced.”
I could feel my heart throbbing in my throat because of mixed and hard-to-identify emotions. The idea that Jess thought Liz was still a virgin made me somewhat nervous and excited because of our secret relationship.
“How could you be sure that he won’t hurt Liz?”
“That will surely happen during the first time, but I think he’ll be tender with her.
Had Liz been ‘inexperienced,” the idea of some other guy deflowering her was also exciting. Yet still, I had to pretend that Liz was still a virgin.
“So, sa palagay mo dahil meron ng experience sa sex si Raymond, magiging maingat siya kay Liz?”
Biniro niya ako, sige, sasabihan ko siya na huwag niyang biglain si Liz,” at natawa si Jess sa sinabi niya at bahagyang tinapik ng mga daliri niya ang noo ko sa bigla pag-kunot nito.
I reminded her of the nature of our conversation, “hold on, we’re talking about our daughter having sex,” which excited me about the idea, but I pretended to be worried.
“I know. Besides, we were just talking lang naman. Pero sooner or later, Liz will have a boyfriend,” and what she said was possible.
“Alam ko naman iyon. Pero you have confidence in Raymond?”
“I know he will be a perfect lover for Liz.”
I wonder why she said ‘lover‘ instead of ‘boyfriend.’ I don’t know what she felt about that, but I am sure what I felt about it, and it wasn’t jealousy.
To add fuel to what I felt, I carefully chose the right words to verbalize what I thought earlier, “isn’t that attraction almost always accompanies the feeling of physical desire?”
“Yeah, I understand that Raymond may have a physical desire for Liz,” Jess confirmed.
“And you know what that means?
“Of course, sex.”
“I don’t question you being a mom to Liz. I thought you’re a great mom, but I thought, too, that you’ll be more protective?”
“We know our daughters will have a relationship sooner or later,” was her response without being defensive.
Dagdag pa ni Jess, “meron at meron na manliligaw kay Liz, given na yan.”
“And with Raymond?”
“We cannot stop Raymond na manligaw kay Liz.”
Dagdag niyang muli, “kung hindi man si Raymond, meron at meron siyang sasagutin, eventually.”
“At kung siya ang sinagot ni Liz?”
“With Raymond, I think Liz will be in a safe relationship.”
“So as long as Liz is in a safe relationship, you’re fine with that.”
“And that is something you and I can agree on,” Jess added.
“Well, of course,” and sabi ko because I supported her statement.
“Liz will have sex, eventually,” Jess said in complete acceptance of reality.
Maski hindi alam ni Jess na may experienced na din si Liz, tuloy lang ang pagpapanggap ko.
“Kung sabagay sabi mo nga kapag nagsyota na, mag-start yan sa holding hands, hugs, at kiss.”
Inulit niyang muli ang kanyang sinabi kanina, “mula sa kiss, sunod dyan ang petting, at mag-eexplore pa sila.”
Na sang-ayon naman ako, “I know, minsan, maski sa holding hands nga lang, nakaka-excite na.”
“Oh, diba. Alam naman natin iyon.”
But I cautioned her, “but we’re just talking about a possible extreme scenario.”
“Alam ko naman. Posible pa din naman na maging conservative ang relationship ng mga anak natin.”
“I know. Ina-anticipate lang natin yung ganung mga bagay.”
“Para naman we’re prepared and know how to deal with the situation when it happens.”
Having some ideas of Raymond’s past relationship, I still wondered what it would be like if they became a couple, “posibleng kayang maging conservative ang relasyon nila?”
“Like, for example, walang pre-marital sex.”
Dahil ginamit niyang ang salitang ‘marital,’ “Are you foreseeing possible marriage?”
“Why not?” ang reply niya kaagad.
“So posible nga na walang munang sex?”
She mused for a while before she said, “I think nasa kay Liz iyon kung gusto niyang conservative na relationship.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kase, ang tansya ko kay Raymond hindi siya magiging conservative, eh.”
“How come?”
Jess explained, “Roland advised him early on, I think even when he was in high school, that he could have sex as long as he’ll be responsible at huwag kung saan saan. Kaya malakas ang loob niya na dalhin sa bahay ang girlfriend niya.”
“Meron yata siyang sariling room.”
“Yes, and I remember he had one girlfriend noong high school at three in college.”
“Long-term lahat? I mean nagtagal naman bago natapos?”
“Seemed like that at hindi naman magkakasabay.”
“He brought them all in the house.”
“Yeah, he has his own room maski noong nasa Castro pa kami.”
“Nakikipag-sex na siya noon?”
“Oo.”
“Si Stacey college girlfriend niya?”
“Yeah, si Stacey yung pangatlo.”
“Pero nabuntis niya si Stacey.”
“Stacey admitted to me that she convinced Raymond to have a baby, so iyon ang reason kung bakit nabuntis ni Raymond si Stacey.”
“Pero like you said, hindi conservative si Raymond.”
“Yun nga lang, kapag naging sila ni Liz, Raymond would like to have sex with her.”
“Kung sabagay, kapag nagka-experienced na, hindi naman madaling i-give up muna iyon.”
“Alam natin pereho iyon.”
My heart beat faster when Jess and I talked about Raymond wanting to have sex with our daughter, and Jess felt my chest beating.
“Are you okay?”
“Worried lang ako sa anak natin,” ang paliwanag ko agad.
Jess reiterated her point, “if Liz would have a relationship, I would rather have the most opportunity to observe it.”
“Para mabantayan sila?”
“Ganun na nga siguro.”
Ang dahilan na ito ang marahil na pangunahing rason kaya gusto ni Jess si Raymond para kay Liz.
“Madami talaga sigurong nagkakagusto kay Liz,” was my general statement to change our topic a little.
“Ang ganda naman kasi ni Liz,” comment agad ni Jess.
Of course, I agreed and said, “that’s why I understand Raymond’s feelings.”
“Mana kasi sa akin,” ang biro niya na alam naman namin na totoo.
Although Jessica and our daughter Elizabeth have unique features, they are equally beautiful, especially when comparing them to the same age. Thus, Jessica at 18 is as gorgeous as Liz at age 18.
“Oo na mana sa’yo,” ang sabi ko na meron kaunting asar.
Ngumiti siya at, “diba ang ganda ni Liz? ang biglang tanong niya sa akin.
“Syempre anak ko siya,” ang agad kong sinabi.
I was surprised when she suddenly asked me about something ‘hypothetical‘ for her but reality for me, “halimbawa na hindi mo siya anak at nakita mo siya sa mall for the first time, magkakagusto ka diba?”
“I got your point,” sabi ko na lang maski ‘yes‘ ang nasa isip ko at ang tamang sagot sa tanong niya.”
Kaso nag-follow up siya, “and maybe one point in time, nagka-crush ka din kay Liz?”
Lumakas muli ang tibok ng puso ko subalit walang sinabi si Jess kahit alam kong ramdam niya iyo.
Thankful for my quick thinking, I replied, “she’s my daughter, and she’s been the apple of my eye since she was born.”
I thought Jess was simply trying to make another point to justify Raymond’s having a crush on Liz until she asked, “but never ka bang nagka-crush talaga kay, Liz?”
Pilit kong nilabanan ang excitment pero may kaunting pag-kautal ko pa din na sinabi, “I guess the same way na may mga daughters na nagkaka-crush sa dad. Maybe minsan some dads could have a crush on their daughters, too,” was my convoluted answer.
Then I realized the correct answer would have been ‘no,’ when Jess said, “I never had a crush on my dad.”
“Yung iba siguro.”
Jess noticed that I was a little flustered, so she smiled and said, “I understand what you mean.”
“Kaya nga meron Elektra complex, diba?”
Jess nodded and suggested another term, “At saka meron din Oedipus complex.”
I could not relate but, nonetheless, commented, “oh, that’s the opposite.”
“Natanong ko lang kung may crush ka kay Liz, kase alam mo?”
Curious about what she was trying to share.
“Ano yon.”
I was surprised again by another topic that she brought up, “may gusto kasi si Roland kay Trish.”
I controlled myself not to inhale abruptly but exhaled slowly to maintain my composure.
“Yung parang ‘apple-of-my-eye‘ crush na tulad ng sinabi ko?”
“No, more than that. Gusto niya si Trish.”
“Physical attraction?”
“Yeah,” at natatawa siya marahil sa tingin niya ay gulat na gulat ako.
I tapped the tip of my right index finger on her forearm thrice, which indicated sex, and Jess nodded her head.
“How did you know?”
“Inamin niya sa akin.”
Having an incest relationship with Liz, I was excited to hear what Jessica revealed. I pretended to be concerned.
“You’re okay with that?”
“He was honest with me, and we were opened to each other’s fantasies.”
When she mentioned fantasies, I feigned realization, “Oh, I see.”
Napangiti si Jess because we both seemed to refer quietly to our past.
“He never would have admitted it to Trish. Sa akin lang niya inamin.”
“I understand,” I said softly, pretending not to be very interested in her disclosure.
“I thought it was a harmless attraction.”
“You think so?”
“Oo, at saka nakatulong …,” Jess held her laughter, but I also saw some embarrassment on her face.
“Nakatulong saan?”
“Hayop naman kasi si Roland,” natatawa at medyo nahiya din sa sinabi niya, but she said that without resentment and in a light mood.
“Anong nangyari.”
“Minsan, he’ll ask me to pretend to be Trish.”
“What?”
“Hahahaha!”
Napalakas ang tawa ni Jess.
“Oh, I get it. Kaya pala nakatulong.”
“Pero noon pa iyon. Nung time na malakas pa siya.”
“And you’re okay with that.”
Granting that we’re supposed to be having a mature conversation, she admitted, “nakatulong nga kase sobrang ganado siya so na-sasatisfy din ako.”
Couples would indeed have engaged in unconventional sex for “mutual” satisfaction. These may include bondage/S&M, swinging, voyeurism, and roleplaying. It so happened that what they chose to roleplay was a father-daughter relationship that I understand VERY well.
“Role-playing naman pala. That’s normal naman,” ang sabi ko para malaman niya na-uunawaan ko siya.
“Ganun na nga.”
My fatherly instinct kicked in, “pero teka, pati ba kay Yssa at Ella?”
“Oh, no! kay Trish lang.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Otherwise, he would ask me to roleplay.”
“Had he asked you, would you go along with his fantasy?”
“First, I asked him about the two girls since we’re being open pero kay Trish lang daw talaga. Second, he said that they’re too youngat that time.”
“Ilang taon ba si Trish noon fina-fantasized niya?”
“xxxxxxx.”
“What if Ella and Yssa had grown at the same age he fantasized about Tricia? Would you indulge him in his fantasy if he asked you to pretend to be Ella or Yssa?”
“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s just a fantasy, so I would still take part in his kinkiness.”
“So you’d rather that he channels the attraction to you.”
“I was being a good partner.”
“That’s fair,” I acknowledged
“At saka isa pa, Roland was not really that active na noong lumaki na si Ella at Yssa.”
“He lost interest?”
“Hindi na gaano.”
“Hindi na gaanon interested sa kanila?”
“No, I mean sex in general.”
I tried to probe, “do you think, may gusto din si Trish sa dad niya?”
“I don’t think so. There was no sign to suggest that Trish had, and I have all the reasonable opportunity to observe.”
“You’re probably right since Tricia had boyfriends.”
Jess was cool if Tricia had some ‘special‘ feelings for his dad, “at kung meron man, that’s her secret, and it’s not a big deal, naman.”
I was tempted to ask her about her thoughts if Tricia had feelings for his dad and the idea of them having a relationship, but Idecided not to ask because she might direct the question or topic to Liz and me. Instead, I yielded to my growing ‘curiosity‘ about Raymond’s feelings for Liz.
“Would you tell Liz na may gusto sa kanya si Raymond?”
“Hayaan ko siyang dumiskarte.”
“Okay, hindi ko din sasabihin kay Liz.”
“Ang request ko lang kay Raymond na manligaw siya kay Liz after niyang mag-quit mag-smoke.”
It seemed that Jess and Raymond had talked about courting Liz, and she gave her blessings.
“Would you encourage Liz na i-consider niya si Raymond kapag nanligaw na siya?” I asked though I suspected her answer.
“Oo naman. Alam ko na you’re not sure about this, pero just let it flow. Huwag mo na lang i-discouraged.”
Ipinapakita ko kunwari na hindi ako totally against kay Raymond pero upang malaman ni Jess na hindi ako pwede na palaging sang-ayon sa kanya pagdating sa ano mang bagay, ipinaramdam ko din na dapat meron din akong ‘say‘ sa issue na ito
“Okay, sige. Pero kung meron ibang manliligaw kay Liz at mas boto ako dun sa ibang guy, okay lang dun ko siya i-encouraged?”
“Okay, fair naman iyon.”
“Kase alam mo naman na posibleng meron ibang manligaw kay Liz.”
“Alam ko. Iyon din ang paalala ko kay Raymond.”
“Anong naman ang sinabi niya?”
“Kase gradual ang pag-quit niya sa smoking and he been following his schedule. Kaya at the end of this month, stop na daw talaga siya.”
“Oh, it seems you have talked to him about this fairly recently.”
“Iyon naman ang usapan namin na mag-quit muna siya.”
“At after niyang mag-quit, he’ll ask Liz out?”
Jessica trusted me with a secret and insisted again, “Oo, pero wala kang babanggitin kay Liz.”
“Okay wala,” ang assurance ko sa kanya.
Napa-isip ako and I considered na huwag sabihan si Liz pero parang gusto ko din malaman kaagad kung ano ang tingin niya kay Raymond. At habang pinang-iisipan ko na kung sasabihan ko si Liz o hindi, nabigla naman ako ng sabihin ni Jess, “para kasing tukso yang anak natin.”
Una kong naramdaman ay parang ako ang tinamaan sa sinabi niya. Subalit hindi ako dapat mag-pahalata.
“Anong ibig mong sabihin?”
“Iba yung ganda ni Liz.”
“What do you mean?”
Ang mga sumunod na sinabi niya ay lalong nagpatunay na close sila ni Raymond dahil komportable itong ibinahagi kay Jess ang kanyang nararamdaman tungkol kay Liz.
“Nung nag-open up si Raymond sa akin. Sabi ko na maging totally honest siya kung ano yung gusto niya kay Liz?”
“Anong sinabi niya?”
“Ganito daw kase. Meron beauty na gusto mo lang pag-masdan. Crush kung baga, pero wala physical desire.”
“Yung nagagandahan sa face?”
“Oo. Anong tawag dun?”
“I think platonic admiration,” and sabi ko.
“Ganung nga.”
“So, meaning meron crush pero walang sexual attraction?”
“Yes. Meron naman mga babae na hindi naman masyadong maganda pero malakas ang sex appeal.”
“Oh, I see. Gets ko.”
“Sabi ni Raymond ay si Liz daw ay maganda na at malakas pa ang appeal.”
Ginatungan ko ang sinabi niya kahit ang anak namin ang pinag-uusapan, “para bang yung crush mo ay gusto mo din maka-sex.”
“Whole package daw si Liz.”
Naintindihan ko si Raymond dahil parehong pareho ang tingin namin kay Liz.
“Kung sabagay, ang mga babae ay meron din ganung perspective sa lalake.”
“Exactly, kaya naunawaan ko siya. I should have been worried pero, yun na nga, kilala ko si Raymond and we are all matured to talked honestly.”
“So sa madaling salita, gusto ni Raymond na…,” I tapped the tip of my right index finger again on her forearm thrice, “…si Liz?”
“Ganun na nga,” ang sagot naman niya habang napangiti.
“I’m impressed at nagawang i-share sa’yo ni Raymond.”
“Dahil na din siguro unique ang sitation.”
“What do you mean unique ang situation?”
“Medyo close si Raymond kay Liz at close din ako sa mga anak ni Roland kaya madaling na-share sa akin ni Raymond yung pagka-gusto niya kay Liz.
Maski hind sila kasal ni Roland, na-unawaan ko na kaka-iba nga ang sitwasyon, “para nga kasi silang mag-step siblings at step-mom ka naman ni Raymond.”
“Oo, at isini-share niya sa akin kasi nga ako ang mommy ni Liz.”
“Nagpapalakas kaya niligawan niya muna ang mommy,” dugtong ko na naman.
“Parang ganun na nga siguro.”
Kailangan ko pa din magkunwari at magsalita ng salungat sa totoo kong saloobin.
“Kahit na hindi sila mag-kapatid, pero ayos lang sa iyo maski na parang anak mo na din si Raymond?
“Kung meron mang…,” Jess tapped the tip of her left index finger on my right upper chest thrice,”…mas gusto ko na kilala ko na din yung guy.”
“At meron ngang experience?”
“Diba kahit naman tayo noon, alam natin na sa edad ni Liz na posibleng interested na siya sa sex .”
“Maski siguro noon pa.”
“Posibleng since puberty pa,” Jess added.
“Buti naman at nalampasan niyang stage na iyon,” ang sabi ko na lang.
Jess mentioned our past, “nung first time natin okay ka naman.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were gentle at considerate to me,” said Jess with tenderness.
“Well, sa bold ko lang nakita iyon, diba?”
“Pero hindi lahat kasi puweding tulad mo noon.”
We just had sex, so I know she was not seducing me.
“Okay.” I’m still trying to figure out what she was trying to say.
“Would you rather our daughter have sex with some clumsy and foolish boy her age?”
It seemed clear to me, “you want her to have a better experience sa first time niya?”
“Hopefully, a fantastic experience.”
“Yung mas matanda sa kanya ng kaunti?
“Oo, kase nga most teenage boys ang gusto lang nila ay yung makuha nila yung gusto nila.”
“Halos naman lahat ng lalake,” ang biro ko naman.
“Pero mag maganda na yung ini-isip pa din yung satisfaction ng girl.”
“Sabi mo nga considerate ako sa’yo naman noong teenagers tayo.”
“Hindi naman siguro guranteed na kapareho mo yung mga ibang teenagers ngayon.”
Bago kami nagkaroon ng problema ni Jess, yung mga early years ni Liz, ay okay naman ang sex life namin, “sabagay nag-improve di naman ako nung tayo.”
Natawa muna siya pero Jess acknowledged it, “natandaan ko nga.”
“So, I get your point.”
She also said, “older men tend to be experienced talaga.”
Of course, we both knew what had happened between her and Roland, but we also seemed not to want to discuss that.
Kaya tinanong ko siya, “should we encourage all our daughters to find older guys?”
“I think so.”
“Pati kay Yssa?”
“I thought about her, too.”
Hindi lumaki sa akin si Yssa kaya clueless pa din ako sa ganung aspect sa kanya.
“Tungkol saan?”
“Kailangan mo din naman malaman.”
“Something wrong?”
“Wala naman. Obviously, she passed her puberty.”
“Mas bata naman siya kaysa kay Liz.”
“But hormones also rages at her “age,” diba?
“Pero sabi mo wala pa naman nanliligaw sa kanya,” kahit sa hinala ko talaga ay meron.
“We have to assume na rin siguro sa meron na.”
“Like you said, their cellphones are off-limits kaya hindi tayo sure.”
“Napa-isip tuloy ako.”
“Should we be concerned”
“Sa tingin ko, hindi naman. Kinausap na namin siya ni Roland to be open sa amin sa ganung bagay.”
Dahil noon nga ay si Roland ang kinikilalang ama ni Yssa kaya natural na kasama si Roland sa pag-advise sa bata.
“Should I follow up?”
“Maybe soon. We’ll talk to Yssa together”
Tuloy lang ang pag-maang-maangan ko, “what about Liz?”
“You spent more time with her, so start discussing it with her if you haven’t.”
“About relationship?”
“Ina-advise mo naman yata siya?”
“Somehow.”
“Sige, I’ll talk to her about sex,” ang volunteer naman niya dahil nga siya ang mom.”
“Pero teka?”
“Ano iyon?”
“You will talk about sex to Liz and at the same time in favor ka kay Raymond?”
“Sira, hindi ko naman i-push si Raymond.”
“Bias in favor ka pa din sa kanya.”
“Oo, pero hayaan ko na siya ang mag-initiate,” ang natatawa naman niyang sinabi.
“Ah, okay.”
“Excited tuloy ako.”
“Saan?”
“Kung sakaling maging sila.”
“Liz and Raymond?”
“Oo.”
“Edi baka i-lived-in din ni Raymond si Liz?”
“Parang sila ni Stacey?”
“Oo.”
“Liz is eighteen, so….”
“So?”
“So she could experience sex without overthinking it?”
“Parang sa America, normal lang sa pati sa mga highshcool.”
“Ganun naman dito sa atin.”
We both knew that we were not conservative with each other, but only at that moment, I realized that Jess was liberal towards our children’s sexuality.
Still going with the flow of our conversation, “paanu kung matulad kay Stacey?”
“Kailan mo ba susunduin si Deth?”
“After ng finals niya.”
“Pagbalik nyo, kausapin ko siya about bc pero I will not mention Raymond.”
“Birth control?”
“Diba sabi mo naman na we could talk to them about birth control at the time proper for their age?”
“Wala pa naman siyang boyfriend at saka hindi pa sure kung sasagutin niya si Raymond.”
“I’ll discuss it with her. Give her an idea, so she’ll be protected kapag may boyfriend na siya.”
“Akala ko, you’ll put her in bc right away.”
“Hindi naman. I’ll discuss that with Yssa, too.”
“At her age?”
“She’s not dating anyone, but sooner or later, so it’s better to be safe.”
Kanina pa tumitibok ng malakas ang aking dibdib at napansin na ito ni Jess at tinanong kung okay lang ako. Kaya kong ikubli at mag-dahilan kung bakit mabilis ang tibok ng aking puso. Subalit mahirap itanggi ang reaksyon ng aking alaga, lalo na’t pereho kaming hubad pa din sa kama.
Pinisil ni Jess ang semi-erection ko sa hita niyang nakadantay sa akin.
“I think nag-rerecover na ako,” ang sinabi ko na pilit kong tinatago ang aking pag-utal.
“Okay,” ang sabi niya na merong halong ngiti at intriga.
My compliment to her was genuine, but my feeling of arousal came from a mixture of other ideas and thoughts.
“Bilib ako sa’yo at sexy ka pa din hanggang ngayon.”
“Ikaw din, grabe ka pa din humataw.”
Tumigil sandali ang aming pag-uusap.
Muli akong tumingin sa deretso sa taas, “regular pa din kasi akong nag-bibike, maski hindi weekends.”
“Ako din, almost everday ako sa gym.”
Nagpapakiramdaman habang magkatabi sa kama ni Liz. Tinatansya ang sasabihin dahil kahit totoong pinapangalagaan namin ang aming mga katawan, pareho kaming iwas na talakayin kung para kanino din ang aming pag-papakisig, pagpapalakas at pag-papaka-seksi.
Ibinalik niya ang usapang tungkol sa aming dalawa, “anong sasabihin natin sa mga bata kung magpapatuloy ito?”
Kahit paano, kanyang inunawa na ang naganap sa amin ay maaring pang-minsanan laman.
“Una, tama ka. Bago natin sabihin sa kanila kung ano ang meron tayo, mag-usap muna tayo ng maayos.”
Merong ‘una’ kaya ang tanong niya, “ano yung pangalawa?”
“Habang hindi pa tayo sure, let’s act the same way as before.”
“Okay, lang ako doon. We don’t want to confuse them or potentially disappoint them if they would expect something more from us.”
“Expect what?”
Lininaw niya, “We don’t want them to expect that we’re getting back.”
“We’ll be spending more time now on family, legal, and business matters so we can talk about other things.”
Sang-ayon naman siya, “let’s keep this a secret for now.”
Alam kong dapat kong sabihin at ipaliwanag kay Liz ang lahat at hindi ko dapat ilihim ito. Kaya’t kuwari ko na lang sinabi, “tama, sekreto muna.”
Ngunit sa aking isip, posible na meron siyang pagsasabihan nito kaya aking siyang tinanong, “mayroon bang ibang tao na puwede mong i-share ang tungkol sa atin?
“Wala naman.”
“Eh, kay Roland?”
“Hindi niya kailangang malaman. At kahit malaman pa niya, wala na siya sigurong paki-alam.”
Surprisingly I felt bad for Roland. Maybe because we not only shared the same woman, I also discovered that we shared incestuous desires with our daughters.
“Eh, paano na kina Ella, Tricia, at Raymond? Mom ang turing nila sa’yo at papa nila si Roland?”
“Ah, you think na mag-dadamdam sila dahil may karelasyon akong iba?”
“Parang ganun nga.”
“Kung sa ibang lalake, they may feel hurt, pero alam naman nila kung sino at ano ka sa akin at kung ano ka kay Liz at, ngayon, kay Yssa din.”
Naisip ko bigla si Liz. Natural na mabibigla siya, subalit maaring madali niyang mataganggap. Subalit kay Tricia naman ay medyo maselang usapan sapagkat tila umaasa na meron ‘future‘ and aming relasyon.
“Pero sekreto lang muna at hindi natin kailangan madaliin.”
“Iyan nga ang praktikal nating gawin. Pero, if, for example, we’re going to consider moving forward, we have to be open.”
“Open saan?”
“I mean, hindi ko pwedeng hilingin sa iyo na itigil mo ang relasyon mo sa iba, kung meron man. Alam ko naman na biglaan itong nangyari sa atin.”
Naramdaman ko na gusto niyang isa-alangalang ko din siya sa parehong paraan.
“At hindi din ako mag-dedemand sa iyo, kung meron man.”
What she said next made me anxious and excited at the same time.
“Gusto kong malaman mo na nasa iyo kung gusto mong maging exclusive or open tayo.”
May semi-erection became full. Jess noticed my arousal, but she did not know what excited me: us being exclusive or having an open relationship.
She licked and rolled saliva on her left palm and slowly massaged my rigid penis with varying pressure. And at the same time, she licked my left nipple.
“Hmm,” “hmm,” “hmmm,” ang tugon ko sa magkasabay na sensasyson na ipinararanas niya sa akin.
Saglit naputol ito sa tuwing siya’y magsasalita, “pero maski ano man ang gusto mo, dapat walang sekreto.”
Hindi ako tiyak at nagdadalawang isip ako kung ano ang gusto niya na walang sekreto.
“Anong walang sekreto?”
“Tungkol sa mga ibang karelasyon natin.”
Pero hindi ko naman kailangan mag-desisyon sa oras na iyon at hindi ko din kailangan sumang-ayon sa lahat ng gusto niya. Isang bagay lamang muna ang nais kong matiyak.
Kunwari ko na lang sinabi na, “okay sige.”
Ngunit walang nag-initiate sa amin kung sino ang unang gustong umamin kung sino o kung meron kaming ibang karelasyon
“Okay,” ang tanging tugon niya sa kasunduan na siya mismo ang may ideya.
Upang maiba ang usapa, tinanong ko na, “habang hindi pa tayo nag-dedesisyon tungkol sa atin, tuloy lang ba tayo sa ganito?”
“Sa alin?”
“Itong ginagawa natin.”
“Oo naman.”
“Talaga?”
Gumapang siya sa aking ibabaw at pinisil ng kanyang pusod ang aking katigasan. Ramdam ko ang pagkabasa ng puki niya sa aking balat. Pagkatapos, umangat muna siya sa aking ibabaw. Nakabuka ang kanyang mga hita habang naka-straddle siya sa aking bandang tiyan o pelvic area. Matapos hawiin ang kanyang buhok sa right side ng kanyang leeg, idi-neretso ang mga siko at inilapat ang mga palad sa kama at sa bandang itaas ng aking mga balikat.
Napa-iling at napa-ngiti ang aking mga labi ng ako’y kanyang bigyan ng mapang-akit na titig. Ngumiti din muna siya at malambing na sinabi, “asawa mo pa din ako.”
Hindi ako nagsalita at dahan-dahan naman siyang dumapa sa akin at ang sarap damhin ng kanyang mga suso na dumampi sa aking dibdib at napisil sa pagitan ng aming katawan. Ramdam ko ang hugis at tigas ng mga utong niya.
Inilapit ang muka sa aking at itinuloy ang pag-akit sa akin, “kaya kantutin mo ko kahit kailan…” Isana halik sa aking kanang pisngi”…at kahit saan mo gusto.”
Magkasabay na umangat ang aking ulo mula sa unan at ang paglapit pa ng kanyang mukha sa akin. Nag-salubong muli ang aming mga labi at ang aming halik ay tugon sa tanong na kanina lamang ay walang katiyakan. Kami ay sabik pa din sa bawat isa at ang saglit at hiram na sandali ay hindi pansamantala kung di maaring bagong simula.
Cakes & Baguettes
Like any college and university, Liz’s school (the same school we attended) is surrounded by commercial buildings catering to various businesses—bookstores and supplies, xerox centers, computers shop, etc. Most definitely, students have to eat, so not only do street food vendors occupy the sidewalks and streets, several eateries such as carinderias and home-grown restaurants surround the campus. There are popular fast-food chains, too. Of course, we have a favorite cafe, but there is one restaurant near the campus called Cakes & Baguettes (C&B) that I sometimes go to when I wait for Liz because C&B is just across the two-lane main thoroughfare from the main gate of the school, so it is closer than our favorite cafe.
The two-lane main street is between C&B and the front gate. At the corner of the commercial complex, where C&B is located, is a stoplight where the pedestrian lane is also situated to cross to the other side.
It was hot during lunchtime; it rained in the early afternoon, but still humid till later that day. I decided to wait for her at C&B instead of staying inside the vehicle with Aldrin. Besides, we arrived early, and I wanted to get some refreshments and maybe some snacks before we traveled that afternoon.
Around the area, many people outside the campus were mainly high school students since they had gone home earlier. Nonetheless, it was Liz’s last day of the exam, and her latest exam was for a 2-unit subject, so it was an easy last day for her, and she would be out soon, too.
The parking space in front of C&B was occupied most of the time. Next to the parking space are steps leading to the door, where a security guard is always on duty. Only on that afternoon that I realize the company patch on the guard’s uniform was ours, so I am his new boss. But I did not bother to introduce myself and maintained my anonymity.
Behind the squeaky clean glass panels of the front of the store are miniature wedding cakes and replicas of various cakes and cupcakes. Upon entry, there is also a refrigerated glass case to display decadent cakes near the entrance. Next to it is the cashier, as well. Behind the cashiers are the pastel green-colored seating booths on either side, forming a center aisle.
The booths on each side are adjacent to each other, and adjoining booths share the backrests. At dahil dito, mahirap sumandal ng todo dahil mai-tutulak ang nakasandal sa kabilang booths. There are no other tables, so customers have to sit in these flimsy booths.
In the end-most part of the aisle is a double swinging door styled in an old western saloon. That door leads to the kitchen, and the restroom is at the far end of the restaurant.
If one was standing from the entrance and facing the aisle and booths, he or she could see me seated on the right side, on the second booth, and facing the rear. The waitress ushered me to my seat, so I did not choose my booth. The one next and in front of me was still being cleaned, and a student couple occupied the first booth behind me. The door randomly opened because of the continuous flow of customers who ordered something for take-outs. When the door opened, the roaring sound of motorcycles’ and jeepneys’ exhaust pipes also entered and raged inside the small restaurant. Worse, when a jeepney stopped in front of C&B to pick up or drop off passengers, some diesel fumes would seep into the restaurant.
On the left side of the aisle, sitting on the booth immediately to my left, there was a lady, and she was facing the front door. I already noticed her when I entered and after I sat, but I did not look at her face immediately.
But since we were facing the opposite end of the store, we could see each other well. Besides, the booths between the aisle are close to each other.
When we finally looked at each other and made eye contact, she smiled, and I recognized her face, though I did not remember right away where I often see her. She looked younger than me, but she was probably a mom. She’s a little curvy but not chubby, and her tops made her bosom appear bigger but not overtly massive. She wore an emerald green solid batwing sleeve belted jumpsuit for her top. I had no proper view of her knees and legs because the table covered them. I did not check her feet, anyway.
After I looked at her figure, I sipped my coffee quietly. The waitress delivered it right away, for I ordered it as soon as I walked in.
I was a bit surprised that she initiated the conversation.
“Hi, sir!” she said timidly.
I wondered why she addressed me formally as ‘sir,’ and at first, I thought she was a client of my business or Roland’s company since there is familiarity among people in the business community in our area.
I noticed her plate was half-empty of pasta with white sauce and half-eaten garlic bread, and her glass of pineapple juice was full of condensation.
“Hello,” was my prompt reply.
I did not want to be pretentious, so I assumed she was friendly because of possible past business dealings.
However, I was a bit surprised when she asked,
“Hinihintay mo din si Elizabeth?”
Napa ‘oh, my God,’ ako sa aking isip at binanggit niya ang buong pangalan ng panganay kong anak.
“Oh, kilala niyo po si Liz?”
Nag-“po” ako to initially show respect kahit mukhang mas bata talaga siya sa akin. At isa pa, she knows me and Liz kaya at tila pamilyar kami sa kanya kaya I showed respect.
“Kabatch ko si Apple.”
It started to make a little sense to me when she mentioned Jessica’s youngest sibling.
“Pasensya ka na hindi kita nakilala,” at tinanggal ko na ang pag-gamit ‘po.’
“Okay lang iyon. Sila Apple at Marlon ang mga friends ko talaga.”
“Edi nakapunta ka na dun sa bahay ng parents nila?”
“Madalang lang. Sa school lang talaga kase kami madalas magkakasama noon.”
“Pasensya na ulit. Hindi kita nakilala. Pamilyar ang face mo kaya feel ko talaga nag-meet na tayo.”
“Don’t worry. Okay, lang naman iyon.”
“May anak ka din na nag-aaral dito?”
“Oo, si Grace. Kabatch niya si Ruby.” (Ruby Tongco Zapanta is Apples’ panganay).
At bigla kong na-alala, “hindi ba kayo yung friend nina Apple na may-ari ng cafe?”
Alam ko na isa o dalawa sa mga kapatid ni Jessica ay kaibigan ng mga may ari sa cafe kaya madaming mga gatherings or munting salo-salo ang nagaganap sa courtyard ng cafe.
“Bale sa mga grand-parents namin iyon, then mga parents ko ang nag-managed. Now, tumutulong na kami ng sister ko.
“At yung older sister mo naman ang kabatch talaga ni Marlon,” ang bigla kong naalala naman.
“Oo, si ate Lauren ko.”
Dun ko na tinanong ang pangalan niya after kong sabihin ang first name ko, “sorry ulit pero ano nga pala name mo?”
“Irene.”
“Dun kayo sa likod ng cafe nakatira?”
“Parents pa din namin ang nandun pero nagstay din kami doon minsan.”
“Oh, may mga family na nga pala kayo.”
Si ate Irene diyan lang sa may xxxx & xxxxxxx nakatira.”
Ang subdivision na kanyang nabanggit ay isang malapit na lugar sa school.
“Eh, yung family mo?” I casually asked.
“Kami ni Grace sa St. Clxxre hxxxsite.”
“Ah, dun kami dati nung bata pa si Liz.”
“Talaga, anong street kayo?”
“Sa Dominion.”
“Sa kabila lang kami, sa Easter street.”
“I think sa pangalawang street kayo.”
“Teka, from the gate. Ah, tama. Pangalawa nga.”
“Doon kami sa mga mag-kakadikit na mga duplex.”
“Manga ten units yata ang mga iyon.”
“Oo, at dun kami sa bandang dulo ng street.”
“Sa Easter, sa’min naman yung may pababang garage.”
“Yung may macopa sa harap, no?”
“Oo iyon nga. Nandun pa din yung macopa.”
“Halos kabisado ko kase lahat ang mga bahay doon kasi nadadaanan ko kapag nag-bibike ako or minsan nag-jojogging.”
“Nag-jojogging din kami ni Grace.”
“Safe kase at walang mga aso sa labas.”
“May policy kase na ang mga aso nasa loob ng gate.”
“Oo, pinush namin iyon noon pa pati na din yung rabbies vaccination.”
“Buti naman implemented pa din hanggang ngayon ng HHA.”
We chatted more about living in the same subdivision and where we used to live, and I discovered that Irene moved there years after we sold our house.
“Pero at least malapit pa din sa cafe at sa mga parents ninyo.”
“Madalas pa din kami sa cafe kasi ako din yung part-time manager dun.”
“Kina Jimmy ako mas pamilyar.”
“Bihira lang kasi ako sa main cafe area. Kaya naman ng staff namin at saka may sariling business din akong ina-asikaso.”
“Kaya pala part-time manager ang sabi mo.”
“Mostly involve kami ni ate sa mga suppliers at finance kaya nandun lang kami sa likod.”
“Parang office na din yung bahay?”
“Ganun nga.”
“Malaki din naman kasi yata yung bahay sa likod.”
“Sakto lang,” ang pa-humble niyang comment dahil malaki naman talaga.
Yung length kasi ng courtyard mula sa back entrance ng cafe hanggang sa rear wall ng property ay halata ang size ng lote ng ancestaral house nila.
“Pero pag weekends, busy kayo,” ang obserba ko naman.
“Oo, lalo na kapag payday weekend kaya kapag ganun salitan kami ni ate na duty manager.”
“At least dun lang kayo sa likod.”
“Kapag kailangan lang kami lumalabas.”
Bumalik ako sa unang paksa namin, “kaya pala kilala mo si Liz.”
“Dahil nga sa mga pinsan niya, particularly si Ruby at Patrick.” Patrick is Marlon’s second child.
“What a small world nga naman.”
“Lalo na sa mga matagal na dito”
“Sina Jess dito talaga ang roots nila pero ang parents ko ay from xxxxxxxx.”
“Pero dito ka na lumaki?”
“Oo, dito na din ako pinanganak.”
“Edi dito ka na din nag-aral?”
Lumingon ako, “dyan, across the street,” and we both chuckled.
“Sa xxxxxx ako nag college.”
“Kaya pala hindi ako masyadong familiar sa’yo pero I think nagkita na nga tayo before.”
“Oo sa cafe, regular ka din dun.”
“Kayo pala ang owner.”
“Nag-tatanguan at ngitian lang tayo kapag nagkikita.”
“Ow, now, I remember na. Ikaw pala iyon.”
Mala pick-up line ang “haven’t I seen you somewhere before?” pero ito ay nagpapakita ng isang karaniwang antas ng memorya tuwing may nakita tayong pamilyar na tao. Gayunpaman, hindi natin maalala kung sino ang taong iyon, kung saan natin sila nakilala, o anumang bagay tungkol sa kanya.
Hindi naman ito isang problema sa memorya dahil ito ay karaniwan naman nangyayari sa atin lahat lalo na kung matagal na tayong namamalagi o nakatira sa isang komunidad at marami na tayong nakilala.
Kaso nga lang, kakaibang sitwasyon ang meron kay Irene na dapat sana ay aking kaagad na natandaan kung sino siya at saan ko siya nakikita.
“Remember nung last time tayong magkita sa cafe?” ang tanong niya sa akin.”
“Ah, I’m not sure, eh.”
Nagulat ako sa kanyang paalala kung kailan ang last namin na pag-kikita, “nung nameet mu si Stella.”
At nabigla ulit ako nang aking lubos na narealized at na-alala: Irene was the one sitting on one of the three tables on my left side, and the young lady with her was, indeed, her daughter Grace.
“Kilala mo si Stella?” Ang gulat kong tanong.
“Dun siya madalas mag-study kaya nakilala ko.”
“Hindi ko kasi napansin na nag-usap kayo .”
“Nasa restroom ka yata nang nag-bless siya sa akin at nag-‘hi’ siya kay Grace.”
Naalala ko na sa aking pagbalik mula sa restroom ay dun ko lang napansin ang mga gamit ni Stella sa upuan at lamesa.
“How long have you known her?”
“Noong nag-start siyang mag-review doon.”
“Ah, so nung nag-college lang siya.”
“Oo, galing siya sa ibang town yata.”
“Madalas yata siya dun?”
“Hindi daw siya kase makapag-review ng maayos sa dorm.”
“Edi kilala na din siya sa cafe?”
“Oo, minsan nakikita ko din siya dun sa terrace nag-rereview.”
“Sa may courtyard?”
“Doon sa likod.”
“Mas okay nga dun, tahimik.”
Bigla may naalala siya, “teka, nakita ko kayo minsan dun.”
“Oh, kailan?”
“Napasilip ako at nakita ko si Liz, Yssa, ikaw at yung isa pa nilang ate.”
Irene was talking about the night Liz found out about Yssa’s paternity.
“Si Tricia yung ate nila.”
“Familiar ako sa face niya pero I did not know her name. Si Liz at Yssa ang kilala ko talaga.”
“Nandun ka pala.”
“Pay-day weekend iyon kaya medyo busy.”
“Naalala ko, ang daming ngang tao that night.”
“Nandun di naman si ate Lauren.”
“Pasensya na nag-stay kami dun sa Terrace.”
“Okay lang. Open naman iyon sa mga regulars at locals.”
“Hindi naman kami masyadong nagtagal.”
“Kaya pala paag-daan ko ulit wala na kayo.”
“Late na kasi nun, eh,” paliwanag ko na lang.
“Basta kung gusto mo sa terrace or sa courtyard punta ka lang dun,” ang offer niya sa akin.
Bigla kong naalala ang mga naganap sa cafe nung araw na nakilala ko si Stella.
“Nandun ka pa din ba nung umalis kami nina Liz at Stella?”
“I was still there.”
At pagkasabi niya iyon, kinabahan ako dahil baka na-obserbahan niya ang mga pangyayari o ang aking ginawa.
“Hindi na kita napansin pag-alis namin.”
“Medyo busy ka na nung pagdating ni Liz. Pero she waved at me bago kayo lumabas.”
I did not notice what else was happening around me at that time because my attention was on Liz as she arrived and when she introduced Stella to me. Also, I was worried or flustered because I thought Stella would tell Liz what I did.
“Nandun ka pa pala hanggang umalis kami.”
“Weekend din nun kaya nandun kami.”
“I thought you usually stayed inside the house.”
“Hindi pa masyadong busy noon kaya sa dining area kami kumain ni Grace.”
“Pasensya kana at hindi man ako nag ‘hi’ sa’yo.
“Okay lang iyon. Hindi pa naman talaga tayo magkakilala noon.”
“You didn’t know until that day that I am Liz’s dad?”
“Nung narinig ko na ipinakilala ka ni Liz kay Stella, dun ku lang nalaman na ikaw pala dad ni Liz.”
“But you know her mom?”
“Na-meet kuna siya noong sinasama ako ni Apple sa kanila.”
“Matagal na kasi kaming separated.”
“Nabanggit din nina Apple iyon. Pero wala naman silang ibang sinabi,” ang paliwanag ni Irene. It seemed that she wanted to tell me that even though she knew that Jess and I were separated, hindi naman siya ‘marites.’
“Okay lang iyon. Civil naman kami ni Jessica.”
“Oh, that’s good. Ganun din kami ng dad ni Grace.”
I was a bit surprised at nabanggit niya ang status niya sa dad ni Grace.
“For the kids, syempre.”
But she volunteered more information, “pero hindi kami kasal ng dad ni Grace.”
Kahit na sinabi niya na hindi siya kasal sa dad ni Grace, hindi pa din ako nag-assume na single siya.
“You’re lucky,” ang nasabi ko na lang.
“Hindi ka na din nag-asawa ulit,” ang comment niya na more of a statement rather than a question.
“Hindi kami annuled ni Jessica,” na komportable ko naman sinabi sapagkat maaring din naman siyang ituring na ‘family friend‘ dahil close friend niya si Apple at kilala ang ibang pamangkin ni Jessica.
“Oh,” was her quick reaction.
“It’s okay.”
“Anak ba niya si Tricia?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ay, sorry to intrude.”
“Okay, lang. Family friend ka naman.”
“Kina Apple and Marlon, pero hindi naman kay ate Jessica.”
“Counted na din iyon,” at natawa siya sa sinabi ko.
She sipped some pineapple juice first, “alam ko kasi may family yung wife mo dun sa partner niya.”
I realized na hindi nga pala alam ni Irene ang mga status nina Daniella, Tricia, Raymond, at Yssa.
“May anak yung partner niya na tatlo, si Tricia yung isa.”
“Akala ko kasi apat kasi kilala ni Grace yung si Yssa at Daniella.”
Being a proud father, sinabi ko sa kanya ang totoo.
“Yung bunso, si Yssa, ako ang biological father.”
“Oh, talaga?”
Irene appeared stunned by what I revealed, especially if it was about a confidential family matter.
“May recent DNA test.”
“Recent?”
Kinwento ko kung ilang araw or linggo lamang ang nakalipas nang aking malaman na anak ko si Yssa.
“Kaya naka-petition sa court ang correction ng birth certificate niya.”
“Minor pa lang siya at meron kang parental authority sa kanya.”
“Oo, pero I’m taking everything slowly para hindi siya ma-overwhelmed.”
“Thank you for sharing. I know it’s something private.”
“Wala iyon,” I humbly said, “I have all the intention in making public na anak ko si Yssa,” dagdag ko pa.
“You must be really proud.”
“Scared, too. I have three daughters.”
“Three?”
“I have another child sa ibang mom.”
“I think that na-mentioned ni Apple iyon.”
“Her name is Bernadeth.”
“I have one daughter, and you have three. I understand your fears.”
Irene mentioned something we have in common and seemed to be making some familiarity with me.
“They might not be completely independent, but they are all responsible.”
“Ganun din si Grace.”
Irene told me how old Grace is, so I learned that Grace’s age is close to Yssa’s and Deth’s
“Actually, susunduin namin ni Liz si Deth this weekend.”
“Saan ba siya nakatira?”
I briefly explained where Deth and her mom Becca are living, “kaya biyahe namin halos overnight.”
“Dalhin mo si Deth sa cafe para makilala din ni Grace.”
“Madalas ba siya doon. Baka hinid namin siya matyempuhan.”
“Basta kapag nandun sina Liz, message lang sila.”
“Meron ba silang contact number?”
“Kung wala heto number ko,” kumuha siya ng isang calling card at ibinigay sa akin.
“Mas maganda siguro kung i-schedule natin para hindi naman maabala si Grace.”
“Bakasyon naman kaya flexible naman kami.”
I read her calling card and learned her full name, Irene Katrina Esguerra. However, it was only after that day that I realized that Irene resembles Ms. Maricel Laxa when Maricel was in her early to mid-30s.
“Sounds good. I love your menu at nakakain na din doon si Deth before.”
“Don’t worry about the menu. It’s my treat,” ang offer ni Irene.
“Nakakahiya naman.”
“Okay lang. Bawi ka nalang next time.”
Suddenly I wondered that had she seen me leering at Stella, Irene must have been disgusted with me and will not be so friendly. It’s possible, too, that I was good at being discreet.
Kaya naman i felt comfortable, “kanino naman ako babawi?” And dugtong ko sa biro niya.
“Edi yung nag-treat.”
Some women or people would flirt unintentionally and may not mean anything at all. Most men think that the person flirting with them is really interested.
Kung may kumpyansa naman sa sarili at hindi na nag-papa-apekto sa rejeksyon ay madali lang din maka-move on. Kaya sa aking sinabi ay ginamit ko ang word na ‘date’ para malaman ang reaksyon niya dito.
“Sige, ‘i-date’ muna natin ang mga bata.”
“Oo ba, tapus yung parents naman.”
I tried to push more.
“Does it have to be in that order?”
She said, “no,” and we both smiled.
I wished that when I was younger, I had dated older but beautiful and curvy but sexy moms. Since Jessica and I separated, I never had the comfort of having a sexy mom in my bedroom again. Intimate moments with Becca were always wonderful but only when I visited her and Deth in their province. Irene is hot, mature, and likely experienced, and my last encounter with Jess made me crave sexy mothers.
“Either way, let’s meet pag-balik namin.”
“You have my number, and you know where I live.”
Her word use further supported my hunch that she wanted us to meet; I noticed she used “I” instead of “we.”
Having sex with one’s partner or spouse and getting caught by a common child may be nothing. The idea of dating Irene has opened a new fantasy in me: having sex with her while her daughter Grace watches. I imagined that it will be hotter and more erotic if Grace is younger when she watches us at pa-inosenteng tanong ng tanong kung ano ang ginagawa ko sa mommy niya.
But I still joke around so as not to sound very eager, “pwedi tayong mag-jogging sa inyo.”
“We could go to the gym, too.”
“Nag-gy-gym ka din pala.”
“I love working out.”
“Kaya pala.”
“Kaya pala ano?”
“Oh, Nothing.”
“It’s okay.”
When she said, “It’s okay,” I knew what she wanted to hear.
“You have a nice figure.”
“You still ride your bike?”
“Regularly.”
“You must have good stamina.”
“Well, I try to bike for long distances.”
“Kaya pala you don’t have that typical daddy figure.”
“I tried to be healthy, so I live longer for the kids.”
“Me, too. Pero buti ka pa tatlo na ang anak mo.”
I acted casually, “you could still get married.”
She chuckled but not in an insulting way since she also smiled before she said, “marriage is not for me.”
“Same with me. Well, mine did not work out.”
“It’s not really for everyone.”
Since we already opened the topic,” that’s why you chose to be single?”
Though it was a question, it was something to derive information on her status.
“I prefer dating for now.”
“Of course, we have priorities.”
“It’s simple that way.”
“Fewer issues.”
“And I never intended to be a drama queen.”
Maaring hindi naman tama na sa ating kultura na hindi dapat maging madamdamanin at ang pagiging matatag ang loob daw ay dapat tahimik lang sa ating emosyon. May ibang babae naman na hindi nag-papakita ng emosyon, ayaw na nagigiging overdramatic, at hindi nag-hahanap ng atensyon. Ang mahirap dito ay tila iniipit nila ang kanilang damdamin at ayaw ibihuos ang saloobin hanggang sa huli ay hindi na nila makayanan.
Simultaneously I tilted my head to the left and shrugged my left shoulder, “nothing wrong with that.”
“Being a drama queen?”
“I have daughters. I would want them to be open with their feelings.”
She seemed to appreciate my thought for my girls.
“Maybe to the right person.”
“Who seems to be elusive,” and we both laughed.
“So you remained single din?”
Irene somehow confirmed that she is single when she used “din.”
Publicly, I’m not dating or going out with anyone. Malayo si Becca, uncertain pa din kami ni Tricia, at unlabeled pa din ako sa sarili kong asawa. At syempre, ipinagbabawal at illegal ang aking relasyon kay Liz.
“I’d say I’m single right now.”
Pigil ang tawa niya at muntik pang masamid, “aba, parang hindi sure ha.”
“Focus kase ako sa mga bata,” ang tugon ko na lang kahit ito ay may halong totoo dahil “focus” naman talaga ako ay Liz.
But obviously, she took my statement as being parental, “as you said, we have priorities.”
I tried to connect, “we have few things in common.”
And she reciprocated, “maybe more.”
The door opened again, and the fading roar of a motorcycle’s muffler entered and reverberated inside the restaurant. Since Irene was facing the front, she saw Liz first. She smiled and nodded once, a typical Filipino greeting gesture. I looked back and saw my sweetheart. Liz wore light blue sneakers with white soles, sky blue na French terry high-rise shorts on that weekend trip, and a turquoise blue oversized hoodie.
“Hi, tita.”
“Hello, Elizabeth!”
“Liz lang po,” she approached Irene and kissed her on the cheek. Tumabi sa aking si Liz at inakbay ang kanang braso sa akin.
“I love your name kase.”
“Ay, thank you po.”
Kinumusta ko siya, “how was your exam?”
“Okay lang, dad.”
“Do you want to eat something?”
“Mamya na lang busog pa ako.”
“Liz, pagbalik mo with your sister, dinner tayo with Grace.”
Liz looked at me first and realized that Irene and I talked about our trip to pick up Deth, “Okay, sige po.”
We all chatted for a while before I asked Liz, “are you ready?”
“Yes, dad.”
Nag-paalam kami kay Irene and Liz gave her a hug, too.
“Pakikomusta nyo po ako kay Grace.”
“I’ll tell her you said ‘hi.'”
My Travel with Liz
Matagal ang biyahe papunta sa probinsya kung saan nakatira si Becca at Deth ngunit ang biyahe papunta sa kanila, kahit malayo, ay aking kina-gagalak dahil makikita kong muli sa personal ang aking anak. Nasabi kong personal dahil regular naman kaming mag-usap sa telepono, or videocall. Mapalad din naman ako dahil mula sa pagka-silang at habang lumalaki ay hindi inilayo ni Becca ang loob ni Deth sa akin kaya lumaki siya na kinilala at itinuring niya ako na bilang ama.
Katulad ng aking nabanggit noon, may kaya sa buhay ang pamilya ni Becca at kung tutuusin ay hindi niya kailangan ang pinansyal na suporta mula sa akin. Subalit walang pag-mamataas ang umiral sa aming dalawa at hindi niya isinara ang pinto para sa akin. Kaya masaya ako na pumayag siyang tumira sa tahanan na aking binili para sa kanila ni Deth.
Tunay na ang aming “official” na “break-up” noong maliit pa si Deth na kahit na malungkot at emosyonal, ay mutual na desisyon naming dalawa. Subalit habang lumilipas ang panahon at habang lumalaki ang aming anak, naging mature kami sa aming relasyon bilang mga magulang ni Deth.
Hindi kami nag-sasama na bilang mag-asawa o magkasintahan. Gayun pa man, mahal pa din namin ang isa’t isa at kung tutuusin, ang turingan namin ay bilang matalik na magkaibigan na may malalim na pag-uunawan. At dahil dito, I can sincerely say na kasunod sa aking mga anak, si Rebecca ay mai-tuturing ko na isa sa mahalagang tao sa aking buhay.
Sinasabihan pa din namin ang isa’t isa ng “I love you,” sa salita at sa mga text messages. Hinahagkan ko pa din siya hindi lamang sa pisngi pati na rin dampi sa labi sa harap nina Liz at Deth. Ito’y ay tanda ng mas malalim na pag-unawa at pag-mamahalan na maari din naman katumbas ng romantiko o relasyong matrimonyal. Kaya naman sa mga pagkakataon na kami ay magkikita at magkasama, meron pa din kaming koneksyon na pisikal at nagsasama sa isang kama at silid.
At kung ano man ang aming pag-uunawan at koneksyon, hindi kami nag-o-overthink tungkol dito. We have an unspoken understanding that it is probably better that we are not together as a couple so as not to destroy our love for each other. Alam ko na ito ay isang cynical na pananaw sa pag-ibig at buhay, ngunit tila pareho namin nais na mapanatili ang aming magandang ugnayan kaya’t minabuti na lang namin na huwag na din tuluyan na regular at permanenteng mag-sama. Ang lahat ng ito ay marahil na din sa dahilan na hindi ko siya maaaring pakasalan kahit na ito ang nais ko noong nasa sinapupunan pa lamang niya si Deth.
… … …
Dahil malayo ang biyahe, umalis kami ni Liz ng Biyernes ng hapon pagkatapos ng kanyang final exam. Sa school pa lang ay nagpalit na siya ng komportableng damit para sa mahaba-habang biyahe. Ang kanyang mga bag na nag-lalaman ng mga damit at gamit na kailangan niya para sa aming byahe at sandaling pananatili sa probinsya ay inihanda na at inilagay na niya sa likod ng sasakyan noong nakaraang gabi pa. Handa na rin ang akin mga gamit kaya ang kailangan ko lang gawin ay sunduin namin siya sa school at doon na nga kami sa C&B nag-kita.
May kapalitan ako sa pag-mamaneho sa papunta at sa pagbalik dahil nga malayo at mahaba ang biyahe, at halos ay si Aldrin ang kasama namin half-way to our trip. Sa ganung paraan, makakatulog muna ako sa backseat kasama si Liz. Pagkatapos ay mag-sto-stop over kami at kakain kung saan datnan ng gutom pero halos kumakain kami madalas sa isang bus terminal. Pagkatapos, sasakay ng bus pabalik si Aldrin at ako na ang mag-mamaneho hangang makarating kami kina Becca at Deth ng madaling araw o umaga na.
Habang si Aldrin ang nagmamaneho, nasa backseat kami ni Liz upang mag-pahinga. Nakaupo ako sa likod mismo ni Aldrin at sa aking kandungan ay isang unan kung saan nakahiga si Liz. Tinanggal niya ang kanyang mga sapatos kaya naka-puting medyas lamang ang mga paa niya habang naka-higang patagilid.
At first, she lay on her left side in a semi-fetal position to place her feet on the backseat. She kept yawning but was not tired enough to take a nap, so she was on her phone, texting people, including Deth and Becca.
Minamasdan ko siya habang nakakandong ang ulo niya sa unan at sa akin. Hindi kailanman kukupas ang pagka-bighani ko sa aking panganay. Napansin niya ang aking tingin sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata. She turned her head a little and rolled her eyes to the side to look at me. Liz smiled before returning her sight to her phone.
With my right fingers, hinawi ko ang buhok niya at isinakbit sa likod ng kanyang tenga. Yumuko ako at hinipan ng marahan at matagal ang tenga niya at napangiti siya sa lamig at sa kiliti.
In my mind, most people will think that Liz is a good and innocent girl. Well, my baby is good. She behaves accordingly to people around her, often goes to church, and is a straight-A student. But what people don’t know about is her naughtiness when she is with me. Bigla lang akong napa-isip if she had confessed to a priest about us.
Hindi pa siya naliligo dahil nga kakasundo lang namin sa kanya sa school pero amoy ko pa din ang bango ng kanyang shampoo na mula pa kaninang umaga.
I caressed the side of her waist and right hip while she focused on her cell phone’s screen. She made deep breaths whenever my right hand massaged ang gently squeezed her right butt cheek.
Halos mag-dadapit-hapon na at tinted ang sasakyan kaya madilim sa likod. Sa kalsada lamang nakatuon ang mga mata ni Aldrin kaya malaya kong himas-himasin ang aking anak.
Yumuko ako at hinalikan ko siya sa right temple. Mahinang, “hmm,” ang maaya niyang tugon. I sat straight up and leaned my head on the window. Busy pa din ang aking kanang kamay sa paghaplos sa katawan niya.
She mumbled another soft “hmm” when I slid my hand inside her sweater and held her tummy with my palm.
Liz turned her head to face me and quietly said, “your hand feels good, dad.”
After she turned her head to her phone, I alternately flexed and extended my fingers slowly—slightly closing and opening my palm—while my fingertips remained and gently glided on her smooth skin.
Salitan kong ginagawa ang pagbukas at pagsara ng aking mga daliri sa kanyang tiyan at ang pag-haplos nang aking palad sa kanyang tagiliran.
Namasdan kong namimilog ang ilong niya at pagkagat ng labi. Napapahinga siya ng malalim at marahang uungol ng “hhmmm, sa dulo ng kanyang paghinga. Minsan ay napapapikit din siya, lalo na sa tuwing hihipuhan ko ang puwet niya sa labas ng suot na manipis na shorts.
Leaning to kiss her temple, Liz turned her head again so my lips landed on her forehead as my palm remained still on her belly.
My baby turned her body, so her back lay on the seat. With her heels, she flexed her knees and pushed herself a little to adjust so our faces aligned perfectly for my kiss.
I slid my left arm under the pillow and pulled her head up. Liz lifted her upper body and inserted her right arm and hand behind my lower back to hug me; she held the back of my neck with her left hand when our lips locked.
Softly, we nibbled on each other’s lips. We both knew that Aldrin was just in front of us, but we could not help but moan quietly, “uhmm,” “ahh” “hmm…” Luckily, the stereo was on because it helped Aldrin to stay awake and alert.
My baby darted her tongue into my mouth, and my lips did their best to trap and suck her juicy bubblegum tongue.
We continued making out behind Aldrin. Licking and sucking her tongue and lips, I barely swallowed. Hinayaan ko lamang dumaloy mula sa aking bibig at mabalot ng laway ang aking dila. At habang nilalasap ko ang bibig ni Liz, I sealed my tongue with me lips. Then, I pulled my tongue into my mouth, pushing the saliva around my tongue into her open lips.
Ramdam din ng aking labi at dila ang namumuong mga laway niya sa kanyang bibig at kanya din itong itinulak sa aking mga labi. Tuloy lang ang palitan sa aming bibig at halos sabay kaming lumunok.
Kubli kami ni Liz ng backrest at ang headrest ng kina-uupuan ni Aldrin. Ang rearveiw mirror naman ay deretso sa rear window kaya hindi niya kami tanaw. Alam kong hindi lumilingon si Aldin sa backseat sa tuwing siya’y nagmamaneho kapag kami ay nag-uusap. At kung may i-aabot siya o aabutin mula sa akin, he would just reached his hand towards me at back.
Tumugil ako saglit at hinawakan ang kanyang pisngi and wisphered, “I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too, dad.”
My right hand returned to her flawless belly when we resumed our tender kisses.
Our kisses were slow as we savored each other’s lips; our movements were discreet so as not to get Aldrin’s attention; our breaths were controlled, and our moans were muffled—but my heartbeat was racing, and my penis was hard and raging.
Sex in public is so enticing and seems hard to resist. While we’re not actually out in public, the fact that Aldrin was just a few inches away, albeit separated by the backrest, I was so excited. I was sure that Liz was turned on, too. Her jaw shivered at my kiss, and her body trembled at my touch.
We had sex before inside my heavily tinted car at the mall’s garage, and the guard almost noticed us. But kissing and touching my daughter with someone near was highly erotic. Liz’s kisses and caresses suggested she was enjoying it, too.
“Ohhmpff,” Ahhmpff,” Liz struggled not to make noise when I groped her left breasts inside her sweater. Only at that moment, I discovered that she was not wearing a bra.
Still supporting her head with my left arm and hand, I fondled her breasts and alternately rolled her nipples with my right thumb and index finger.
Liz disengaged from our kiss and started panting, “ha,” “ha,” “ha,” “ha,” “ha….”
I knew her heightened excitement could lead her to an orgasm, and my duty was to take her to that pleasure.
I slid her slightly away from my body, but she was still propped by my left arm and supported by my lap. I pulled her sweater up, and as soon as I exposed her left supple breast, my lips sealed it and started to suck her nipple.
She was so aroused, for her breast felt full and her nipple erect.
I captured, pulled, and released her nipple with my lips several times before I sucked her breast like a baby sucking for milk. And as I sucked, my tongue flicked her nipple, too.
My right hand crawled under the garter of her shorts and panty and rubbed her pussy. My baby was so wet, and I lathered her clit with her juice.
While busy on my baby girl’s body, The vehicle swerved to the left, sped up, and returned to the right lane. This maneuver has been going on for a while whenever Aldin overtook vehicles on the two-lane national road. Thus, I knew Aldin was keenly focused on driving, and his eyes were trained on the road and side mirrors.
I was also keen on fulfilling my duty to my daughter.
“Hmmm,” Hmmm,” and ungol ni Liz habang tuloy ang pagsuso ka sa kanyang utong at pagpisil at pagsalat sa kanyang tinggil.
Pipihit pakaliwa at pakanan ang bewang niya habang sabay na bahagyang mangangatog ang kanyang mga hita at binti. Subalit ang aking mga daliri sa kanyang tinggil ang nag-papanatili sa kanyang bewang sa upuan sapagkat hindi niya kayang tuluyang umiwas sa aking mga himas at pisil.
Gamit ang kaliwang palad, takip ni Liz ang kanyang bibig subalit dinig ko pa din ang mga ungol niya, “hmm,” “hmm,” “hmm,” “hmm….”
Ipina-ibabaw ko ang aking kanang index finger sa aking kanang middle finger at salitan na marahan at bahagyang pisil ito sa kanyang tinggil na may halong paikot na pisil. Tuloy-tuloy din ang aking pagsipsip sa kaliwang utong.
At sa pag-arangkada ng sasakyan ay ang malakas na orgasmo ng aking anak:
Kasabay ng pagkabig sa kaliwa ng sasakyan ay ang manginig-nginig na ungol na, “hmmmm,” ang kumawal sa kanyang bibig;
Kasabay ng pag-arangkada para lagpasin ang isang sasakyan ay ang pagpisil ng kanyang mga hita, pag-baliktot ng mga tuhod, bahagyang pag-ikot ng bewang paharap sa akin;
At kasabay ng pag-balik sa kanang linya ang pagliyad ng katawan at leeg ni Liz.
Tuluyan siyang pumihit at yumakap sa aking katawan. Ibinalot ko din ang aking mga braso sa kanya at hinalikan ang leeg, mga labi, at pisngi habang unti-unting humuhupaw ang sarap na nadarama.
Sa tindi na aking sabik at bilis ng tibok ng aking puso ay lumalim din ang aking pag-hinga. Dahil dito, aking inilapat muna ang aking noo sa kanyang noo upang lalong damhin ng ilang saglit ang aming pag-nanasa sa isa’t isa.
Kung minsan ay hawak natin ang atin cellphone at sa ating pag-scro-scroll ay may clip ng isang maganda at maamong babae (o lalake para iba) at paulit-ulit natin itong ni-rereplay. Dahil sa pagkabighani ay mamasdan natin ang babae na halos ilapit natin ang screen sa ating mukha. Sa sobrang lapit ay puna natin ang ganda ng kanyang labi, ilong, at mata subalit wala tayong magawa dahil siya ay nasa video lamang.
But Liz was not just some adorable girl in a clip or video that one could only desire while staring at the screen. I was holding the person I adore the most, whose face was so close, and whose lips I could feel, touch, and kiss.
“No matter what, mahal na mahal kita anak.”
Malambing na parang bata niyang ibunulong sa akin na “mahal din kita.”
Knowing that she had been up since morning, attended some errands, and taken her final exam, plus her intense orgasm, Liz must have been tired.
I kissed her once more on her lips, let her slide back, and rested on my lap, with her legs extended on the backseat. I caressed her hips until she dozed off. Aldrin was still very much focused on driving and, surprisingly, navigating the rough road quite remarkably. Nap has been the better driver, though. Feeling comfortable, I leaned back and took my needed rest for the final leg of our journey.
… … …
May mga nakalipas din kaming mga biyahe na kung saan ay dinadatnan pa din ako ng antok at pagod. Maaga kasi akong gumigising sa umaga at hindi naman talaga ako sandyang sanay mag-puyat. Kapag inaantok ako ay nag-checheck-in kami ni Liz upang lalo pa akong makapag-pahinga.
Kaya minsan noon ay almost lunch time na kami nakaka-dating sa bahay dahil we would take our time getting ready in the morning before and after checking out. Sa pagbalik naman namin, mag-aabang si Aldrin sa same terminal ng bus at siya ang mag-mamaneho pauwi sa bahay. Ganun palagi ang systema sa pagpunta kina Deth maski sa mga nakaraan ilang biyahe na hindi kasama si Liz sa pag-sundo o pag-bisita.
May mga instances din kasi na hindi pa tapos ang finals ni Liz kaya ako at si Aldrin lang ang nagbi-byahe upang bumisita o sunduin si Deth. May mga pagkakataon din noong maliit pa si Deth kaya sadyang kasama si Becca palagi kapag sinusundo namin si Deth upang mag-bakasyon. Kaya muntik-muntik ng masundan si Deth noon. Subalit kahit ganun pa man, sa manga nakaraan na mga taon, may mga pagkakataon pa din na sinusundo ko, o pinapa-sundo si Deth at Becca sa tuwing may mga importanteng okasyon katulad ng birthday ni Liz. Kaya naman ang huling bisita ni Becca at ni Deth sa amin ay noong nag-eighteen birthday si Liz.
Matapos naming kumain sa bus terminal ay sumakay na ng bus pabalik si Aldrin. Mainam din naman ito dahil makakatulog siya sa biyahe at ang huling terminal kung saan hihinto ang bus ay ang terminal na malapit sa amin kaya kahit makatulog siya ay hindi siya lalampas.
Nang kaming dalawa na lamang ni Liz sa biyahe, umupo siya sa passenger’s side upang samahan ako.
Halos dalawang linggo na ang nakalipas mula noong may nangyari sa amin ni Jess pero hindi ko pa din sinabi kay Liz ang tungkol dito. Kinalaunan kase ay naisip ko na tama ang mungkahi ni Jess na mag-focus muna kami sa ibang usaping pamilya, partikular na ang kapakanan ni Yssa. Gayundin, kailangan namin asikasuhin muna ang iba pang mga isyu na legal at sa company.
Napagkasunduan din namin na sa harap ng mga anak ay kami ay kikilos at tratratuhin ang isa’t isa gaya nang dati. Hindi namin nais na ma-overwhelmed sina Yssa sa maraming sunud-sunod na pagbabago sa kanilang buhay. Gayunpaman, nakag-usap kami ni Roland bago namin sunduin si Deth. At dahil sa pag-uusap namin ni Roland, nag-pasya din ako na huwag sabihin kay Liz na may balak manligaw sa kanya si Raymond. At dahil nga sa maraming sunud-sunod pangyayari, hindi ko muna kailangan sabihin kay Liz ang tungkol sa mommy Jess niya at ang balak ni Raymond.
Kaya ibang bagay muna ang aming pinag-usapan.
Ang kanyang backrest ay naka semi-reclined at ang gamit niyang unan kanina sa backseat ay nasa kanyang kandungan. Handa na siya sa next half ng aming biyahe. Liz was relaxed since she took a nap with me in the backseat before our stop-over and supper at the bus terminal.
“Excited to see Deth?”
“Syempre naman, dad. Pati si mommy Becca.”
“Gising pa kaya si mommy Becca mo?”
“Heto, katext ko din siya.”
“Let her know na they don’t have to wait for us. Sleep na siya.”
Meron kasi akong susi ng gate at susi sa labas at mga kwarto sa bahay.
“She knows, dad.”
“Deretso ka sa room ni Deth?”
“Yeah, dun ako mag-stay.”
Meron din kasing room doon si Liz. Nagpasya din ako na habang nandoon kami ay pasisimulan kong ipa-renovate ang bahay upang may sariling kwarto din si Yssa.
“Honey, you could ask your mommy Becca to fix the guest room for me.”
“We have to act as usual. Just sleep in the master’s bedroom with her,” Liz suggested.
“I don’t want you to feel upset.”
“It’s okay, dad. Baka mag-tampo pa si mommy Becca sa’yo.”
“I’m just going to rest lang naman.”
At inasar na niya ako, “eh pag naka-rest ka na?”
“You know it’s part of my visit there.”
“I know. I understand.”
“You’re not jealous?”
“A little, but she’s my mommy Becca, and I love you both.”
Sa oras na iyon, dahil sa sinabi niya, naramdaman kong magiging okay lang din si Liz kapag nalaman niya ang tungkol sa amin ni Jess. At saka, si Jess ang tunay niyang ina at mahal din siya ni Liz. Naisip ko na kung ayos lang si Liz na kasama ko pa rin si Becca sa isang kwarto, siguro ay matatanggap din ni Liz kung ipagpatuloy ko ang intimate relationship sa mommy Jess niya.
“Nabusog ka ba sa terminal?”
“Sakto lang.”
“Kaunti lang ang kinain mo.”
“I wasn’t really hungry.”
“Do you want something else?”
“Mag-drive thru tayo sa Mcdo.”
“You want fries and sundae?”
“Hot chocolate lang.”
“Okay. I think may Mcdo sa area na’to.”
Liz extended her left hand, and I reached it and held it with my right hand.
“That was very exciting, dad,” my baby said gratefully.
“Sobra, baby.”
“Exciting yun sa parking garage pero intense yung kanina.”
“Iba talaga kapag sa public.”
“I think mas arousing kapag may ibang tao.”
“Like yung kanina?
“Yes.”
Ang nangyari sa loob ng parking garage ay maaaring ituring na sex sa publiko kahit na medyo tago, at labis kaming nag-enjoy ni Liz. Gayun pa man, ang aming special moment sa likod ni Aldrin ay isa sa pinakamalapit na pagkakataon na may maaring makakita o manood sa amin.
“Napansin kaya tayo ni kuya Aldrin?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Kahit may marinig man siya, hindi lilingon iyon.”
“Sabagay nag-dridrive siya.”
“Mas exciting yung kanina kaysa nung makita tayo ni Aida.”
“Unexpected kasi iyon pagdating ni ate.”
“Pero iba yung kanina, no?”
“He was there from the start.”
“You like that?”
“It’s thrilling, dad.”
“So, open ka talaga sa idea na may manood sa atin.”
“Yes, pero siguro huwag muna yung kakilala tayo?”
“Baka maging awkward nga naman.”
“Tapos mag-daddy pa tayo.”
“Eh kung with a stranger, should we tell na anak kita?”
Medyo excited niyang nasabi, “maybe during or after pero huwag sa umpisa.”
I was pleased that she had considered it and had some ideas.
“And they should not know our names.”
“Kaya dapat sa ibang lugar. Hindi yung banda sa atin.”
Napa-isip naman ako sa taong malapit sa amin, “eh si Tricia?”
I could also sense the excitement in her voice, “oo nga pala. She already knew about us.”
“Kaso, we don’t know yet if she would love to watch us,” ang nasabi ko dahil mag-ama kami ni Liz.
“Or join us,” ang sinabi ni Liz na aking naman kinasabik.
Our relationship is still new and evolving, and since what we have is taboo, it seems natural that our relationship would develop into more exciting activities.
Thinking about involving another person to watch us, I cautioned, “the other person must be into or appreciate what we’re doing.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kung may manuod sa’tin, dapat gusto niya.”
“Yung malilibugan din siya.”
“Voyeur siya dapat.”
“Parang yung ikaw.”
“Parang ako?”
“Noong pinapanood mo si mommy at Tito Roland.”
“Ah, ganun nga,” guilty naman ako noon sa ganung bagay.
There was a momentary pause, and when I looked at her, she shifted her body closer to me and asked sultry, “do you miss it?”
Naaalala ko ang panonood at mga salita ni Jessica pati na rin ang young version ni Roland na better-endowed na kinakantot sa aking harapan ang aking asawa na mahal na mahal ko pa din noon, despite our marital problems. Naalala ko din syempre ang matinding libog na nadama sa bawat sandaling iyon.
“Baby, that it was exciting for me?”
“I know, dad, but you never join them?”
“At least for me, never.”
“Bakit?”
“Because it will ruin the fantasy.”
Liz shifted her body again, returning to her former position, and faced forward.
“Sa akin kaya?”
“Ano iyon?”
“I wonder if you’d still feel the same if you saw me with someone.”
“I don’t know.”
“Baka stag ka na ngayon.”
“What’s that?”
“You will just purely enjoy watching.”
“Watch you gratified by another man?”
Liz made an emphasis “sexually gratified.”
“I could still be jealous and excited.”
“So, stag or not?”
“We have yet to find.”
“I hope soon.” She could be serious or simply kidding, but I knew she wanted it to happen eventually.
“However much we talk about having sex with someone else, hindi kita pini-pressure.”
“Alam ko naman.”
Kahit gustong-gusto ko na mangyari, umiiral pa din ang pagiging ama ko, “if ever we are in such situation, you can always change your mind.”
“Yes, dad.”
“It has to be something na almost perfect.”
“An ideal situation.”
“I hope so.”
“And with the right person, dad.”
“Does it matter which should happen first, another man or woman?”
“Anong tukoy mo?
“Just in case, ikaw muna with another man or ako with another girl?
“We cannot predict naman kase.”
“I know, but what would you prefer?”
“There could be three possible scenarios with another person.
“Ano iyon, babe?”
Liz reminded me, “first is a threesome, where all of us are involved; second, another person watches us; and third, either of us is just watching one of us with someone.”
I was getting aroused again as we talked about those topics, and I was sure she was aroused, too.
“Alin ang pinaka-gusto mo sa tatlo?”
Wala na kaming alinlangan at honest na sa isa’t isa.
“Yung threesome, dad?”
“Anong mas gusto mo MMF or FFM?”
Her answer was more specific, “ikaw at isa pang lalake.”
“Ano yung second na mas gusto mo?”
“Yung may nanonood sa atin.”
Obvious na nung nag-bigay siya ng tatlong scenarios, she enumerated them in the order of her preference, and the first, which is a threesome, is her most desire.
“Yung manonood either a boy or a girl?”
“No preference basta pinapanood tayo.”
“Yung sa third, ano mas gusto mo?”
“Ikaw naman,dad, yung nanood.”
“Pinaka-na-e-excite ako dyan, yung panoorin ka.”
Knowing my history, Liz was not surprised, “ano yung second mo?”
“Threesome, at MMF din.”
“Para mapanood mo din ako?”
Since given na ang last na gusto ko ay yung may nanood sa amin, I elaborated more on the first two preferences, “yung pinapanood kita pwede din maging threesome if you would invite me.”
“Oh.”
“What, babe?”
“I just realized something sa sinabi mo.”
“Realized what?”
“I have control.”
“Yes, anak.”
She suddenly felt empowered, “mas gusto ko na yung third.”
“At ako yung nanonood?”
“Yeah, habang sina-satify ako,” na may pagka-malaswa niyang sinabi.
“Where I could join.”
Liz shifted her body towards me and leaned closer, her face almost on my right shoulder, “but only if I ask you.”
“Yes, sweetheart.”
She lowered her voice, but not a whisper, “you cannot ask to join.”
Ang pagsang-ayon ko namang tugon, “Yes, I can’t.”
She took a deep breath first and talked as if giving an instruction, “I must invite you.”
I nodded, “yes, anak.”
After another deep breath, she said in a firm and commanding tone, “if I say just watch, you must obey.”
“I will obey you, babe.”
Hinaplos niya ng malambing ang kanang pisngi ko na may kaunting tulak. Pagkatapos ay muli siyang umupo ng tuwid at ramdam ko ang kanyang ngiti kahit nakatingin ako sa kalsada. She was teasing me. My daughter is truly my best lover because she encourages me with my desires. Kaya naman na nararapat lamang na suportahin ko din siya sa kanyang mga fantasies.
“Dad kung sa FFM natin, sino ang gusto mo?
“Stella,” ang nauna kong naisip.
“Ako din, siya.”
“Eh, si Tricia?
“With ate, maybe.”
“It seems that sa FFM, you want to explore more,” which I meant her bisexuality.
Liz understood, “kase sa videos, kapag two girls, there is closeness and a lot of touching.”
“I know, honey. Even kisses.”
“Ate Tricia is pretty and sexy, pero I don’t feel the same way as with Stella.”
“Would you watch us?”
“Kung ikaw at ate Trish ako naman ang manood.”
“You think you’ll enjoy it, baby?
“I like to try all three scenarios, so I think magugustuhan ko.”
Suddenly, I remembered what Tricia told me and felt excited and shared it with Liz, “Tricia likes to watch, too.”
“Really?”
“She likes watching people making out.”
“Sabi niya?”
“Noon daw sa school.”
“Ano pa?
Alam ko na may balak manligaw si Raymond kay Liz kaya hindi ko sana sasabihin. Kaso, angkop sa pinag-uusapan namin, “Tricia told me that she’d listen to Raymond having sex with his girlfriend.”
“Kailan?”
“Noon pa. Yung nasa Castro pa sila.”
“She liked it?”
“Eventually, nalilibugan siya.”
“Diba college na nun si kuya Raymond.”
“So, Tricia started young to enjoy yung ganung bagay.”
“I remember. Kapag nandun ako, naririnig pa din namin yung T.V. sa kabilang room.”
“I think the sound traveled through the ceiling.”
“Or sa siwang ng pinto,” explained ni Liz
“Mas naririnig niya daw yung babae.”
Napa, “Wow,” si Liz at dugtong pa niya na, “nasasarapan siya for sure.”
“Ganun na nga.”
“Nalilibugan si ate?”
“Nag-mamasturbate daw siya habang nakikinig.”
Liz couldn’t hide her amazement, “grabe, parang gusto ko talagang manood.”
“I’m really glad you like that idea.”
“Napanood din niya?”
“She said she hasn’t seen actual sex.”
“Liz appeared interested, too, “she could watch us, dad.”
“I thought about that.”
Liz now appeared excited, “she knows about us already.”
“Kaya somehow, no surprises.”
“Possible pala with ate Trish,” my daughter mused.
“Yeah, she could be that ‘other person’ to watch us.”
“Kaso baka magselos siya.”
“Dahil may gusto siya sa akin?”
“Feel mo talaga, ha,” muling biro niya.
I chuckled, “pero I imagined what it would be like kung gusto niya.”
Liz gradually realizes her sexuality, “parang gusto ko na din siya.”
“Parang yung feelings mo kay Stella?”
“Possible naman.”
“Kahit mas matanda siya, pero you also grew up together naman.”
“True, I know her very well.”
“But like a sister nga lang.”
“Kaya, I know she’s genuinely a nice person.”
“Would you talk to her?”
“I could float the idea, dad.”
“She knows our relationship, so she might be open to being with us.”
“I might kiss her, too,” at napatawa kami sa sinabi niya.
“Does she ever hint before na bisexual siya?”
“Not really.”
“Pero, I’m sure she’ll like you.”
“Maybe we could start kissing in front of her after having some drinks.”
“And let her watch.”
“We could sit next to each other.”
“Ikaw dad sa gitna, then kiss mo ako.”
“Tapos siya naman.”
“That’s really hot, dad.”
Speaking of watching, “you never heard me or seen me make out with my exes before?”
“Diba narinig ko din kayo ni mommy Becca noon?”
“I meant yung malaki kana.”
“Wala, si mommy Becca lang.”
“Pero you were so young kaya hindi mo pa alam what to feel.”
“Sabagay.”
“Would you watch Becca and me?”
“Hmm, if I could, yes.”
“Me and your mom?”
Liz paused, and I noticed her looking to the right through the window.
“Hmm, I would, too.”
It took her a while to answer, but I did not follow up.
Bigla kong na-alala si Aida, “si Aida pala.”
“Kayong dalawa?”
“No, I mean diba nakita niya tayo sa akto.”
“Oo nga.”
“Do you think Aida would watch?
“Well, she already caught us.”
“Nagulat talaga siya nun.”
“Natulala pa siya.”
“Pero yung hindi sana biglaan or yung nasurprised lang siya.”
“Yung planuhin natin for her to watch?”
“Naisip ko lang.”
“Kinausap mo na ba siya about nung nahuli niya tayo?
“Hindi pa, babe.”
“They never mentioned it sa’atin.”
“Baka nahihiya din siguro.”
“Well, that’s true.”
“What I like about Aida and Amy is that they never made a big deal.”
“At least not in front of us.”
“Pero parang wala lang kapag kumilos sila.”
“Dad, nung una, yung kilos nila show na talagang alam nila.”
“Well, somehow, I notice that, too.”
“Pero ngayon, I like it kapag tayo lang, they really treat us like a couple.”
“Hindi sila awkward kapag magkadikit tayo sa sala o dining table.”
“Supportive sila.”
“Natutuwa nga ako sa kanila.
Nagbiro naman siya, “nood lang ba ang gusto mo sa kanila?”
“What do you mean?”
“Kung sakali, sinong gusto mong aswangin sa kanila?”
I had to admit, “si Aida.”
“I thought so.”
“How come.”
“Maganda naman si ate Aida.”
“Kapag nag-papahatid ako ng snacks, minsan wala siyang bra.”
“Actually dad, I like her breasts.” Lis did not sound jealous or insecure about Aida’s breasts, but she seemed to appreciate them.
5’4” ang tangkad ni Aida at medyo maputi siya. Her figure is proportionate to her size at ang mukha niya ay maamo din. Maliit pero matangos ang ilong niya at manipis at maganda din ang mga labi. Mapungay subalit malambing din ang mga mata. Pero gusto ko talagang minamasadan ang mga suso niya.
“Mahilig siya sa maong pants at yung white shirt niyang short sleeves.”
“Napansin mo pala iyon.”
“Halata sa white shirt niya kung meron o wala siyang bra.”
“Sa gabi after niyang maligo, hindi na siya nagbra-bra,” ang obserba naman ni Liz.
Totoo ang sinabi niya at halata na dark ang areolas at mga nipples ni Aida. Ang utong naman niya ay sakto lang at hindi malaki at halatang katulad din ng mga utong ni Liz.
“Sige, ireto kita,” biro niya ulit.
“Sige ba,” sabay tingin sa kanya saglit at kindat ng aking mga kilay.
Matapos niyang matawa, “may sex appeal kasi siya.”
“Ganun na nga,” ang nasabi ko dahil what Liz said made sense to me.
“Eh, si ate Amy.”
“Hmm, wala kasi siyang appeal.”
Napalakas bigla ang tawa ni Liz, “akala ko kahit sino na lang papatulan mo.”
“Uy,” sabay abot sa kanya pero umusog siya pakanan at palayo kaya naka-ilag.
“Sabi mo supportive sila?”
I nodded my head, “Oo.”
“Maski yung akala nila na buntis na ako.”
After Aida gave Liz the pregnancy kit, Liz realized that Amy, Aida, and I thought she was probably pregnant. Eventually, that week, Liz explained to me that she was on bc.
Although we talked about it, I asked her again for other details, “so you decided that day to be on birth control?”
“Yung day na nag-habulan tayo?”
“Yes.”
“Oo, that night.”
“I knew you were shocked, even the following days.”
“Mixed feelings kase.”
“I knew you were scared din.”
“Saglit lang pero nawala din that day.”
“Nabigla ka lang talaga.”
“First time lahat kase.”
“I understand.”
Inside the vehicle, we reminisced and talked about what happened the day we ran around the house and tickled her and the few days that followed.
“Pero, dad. We both knew, somehow, may mangyayari sa atin.”
“I had hoped that, too.”
“Kahit na noong xxxxxxx years old ako, diba.”
“Maski nga noon xxxxxxx ka.”
“At saka even before that day, noon, we flirted a lot.”
“I enjoyed that, babe.”
“Yung tingin mo sa akin kasi iba na din.”
“Tulad ng mga ibang nagkakagusto sa’yo?”
“Oo, saka kung maka-amoy ka sa akin halata yung desire mo.”
“Hinayaan mo lang ako.”
“I guess that’s one way of flirting back with you.”
“Ano pa ba yung mga lambingan natin noon?”
“Madami, pero alam dad, mas lalo kong narealized na iba na talaga yung tingin mo sa akin when we talked about me having a boyfriend.”
“I always advise you naman about having a boyfriend.”
“Pero diba, remember nung sinabi mo na kung hindi mo ako anak, liligawan mo ako.”
“Oh, I remember that.”
“Dad, I have classmates na may syota at alam ko ang ginagawa nila.”
“I sounded serious nga pala when I said that.”
“I think that almost confirmed na you like me physically.”
“I really thought I was subtle.”
“I knew you tried, pero I was receptive to your actions.”
“Kaya, you kept flirting with me.”
“You made me feel extra special.”
“That I see you more than a daughter?”
“Exactly, and I loved that a lot.”
“I was amazed kasi talaga?”
“Saan?”
“That you decided to be on birth control that day.”
“Saglit lang yung shocked ko.”
“You stayed in your room for the rest of the day.”
“Later that night, I decided to be more intimate with you.”
Liz said, “more” since what happened in her bed, though unexpected, was already intimate.
“Kaya you had the shot agad.”
“Remember sinundo ako ni mommy para sa birthday ni Tito Roland.”
“Friday na yata iyon.”
“After my morning class, I went to a clinic.”
“Ikaw lang mag-isa?”
“Ako lang.”
“Sabagay eighteen ka na.”
“Tapus almost two weeks when we had our first time.”
“Kaya pala you were safe.”
“It was enough time for the shot.
“But we fantasized about getting you pregnant.”
“Gusto ko na mabuntis mo ako, pero I thought na enjoy natin na tayong dalawa muna.”
“Bilib ako sa’yo, anak”
“Bakit?
“You let me enjoy sa fantasy na binubuntis kita.”
“I knew it was thrilling for you.”
“Since alam mong safe ka, hindi ka kasing excited ko?”
“Exciting pa din ako. Dama ko pa din ang pleasure.”
“I appreciate din na gusto mo munang mag-enjoy tayo sa isa’t isa.”
Lumapit sa aking si Liz at hinaplos ng likod ng kanyang kaliwang palad at daliri ang aking kanang pisngi, “it’s for you daddy.”
Lumingon ako saglit at hinalikan ang kamay na nakadantay sa aking pisngi.
“What else made you decide to get the shot very soon.”
“Long before I turned eighteen, I have been thinking about sex a lot.”
“You said you started to masturbate early.”
Habang dumaraan tayo sa puberty, madaming pagbabago sa ating emosyon at katawan at nagiging curious tayo sa sex. Kaya madalas natin isipin ang mga sekswal na bagay at madalas tayong malibugan. At sa pagdanas sa mga pagbabagong ito ay nagsisimula tayong mag-kagusto at pagnasahan ang ibang tao.
“No one had the courage to pursue me at wala naman akong ibang nagugustuhan.”
“Madali ka lang magka-boyfriend.”
“Ikaw ang gusto.”
“You could’ve explored with someone.”
We often talk sweet to each other, at akala ko ay dudugtungan niya ang pag-lalambing ko pero biniro niya ako, “I’d explore with someone later.”
Sinulyapan ko siyang muli and she gave me devilish, yet sexy, grin.
We were quiet for a while, savoring the desirable idea.
My daughter and I already talked about how everything started that led to our special relationship. But like any couple, we loved to talk about our vivid memories.
“I thought natakot ka na nun sa akin,” still referring to the “tickle” incident.
“Akala mo nagalit din ako.”
“Expect ko na lilipat ka sa mommy mo.”
“Naisip mo pala iyon.”
“Syempre, kung sa iba, foul yung ginawa ko.”
“Foul naman talaga,” and Liz giggled.
“Pero buti na lang, diba?”
“Yeah, I don’t know how to initiate.”
“Dun tayo nagstart.”
“Alam ko tuloy-tuloy na iyon.”
“Kaya nag-decide kang bc.”
“Kaso nag-kailangan muna tayo.”
“Hindi ko pa alam ang sa isip mo nun.”
“Kaya, I knew I was next to act.”
“We started talking naman after few days.”
Umamin din siya, “hinayaan muna kitang mag-worry.”
Looking straight at the road at ako’y napangiti na lang.
“Akala ko nga tumawag ka ng pulis?”
“Totoo?” ang gulat niya
“Napadaan lang pala.”
Matapos matawa ng malakas, “talaga ba?”
“Oo, pati si mommy mo nasa bahay din.”
“Oh, bakit siya nandoon?”
“Hinatid ka niya.”
Naalala niya bigla, “ah, nung Sunday na’yon.”
“Nag-pahatid ka kasi wala kang dalang uniform.”
Mahaba pa din ang aming biyahe pero tuloy lamang ang aming usapan at binalikan ang oras at mga araw nang mga unang sandali ng aming relasyon kahit ang mga ito ay kailan lamang.
“Minsan na isip ko kung “what if.””
“”What if,” ano?”
“Kung hindi ka huminto.”
“Baby, you were scared kase.”
“I imagined having sex pero it was surreal when it happened.”
Remembering her reaction, “you were confused.”
“I did not know how to react kase.”
“Maybe kung meron kang experience.”
“Bakit naman.”
“You would have enjoyed the pleasure.”
“Kase nga familiar na ako kung ganon?”
“Probably.”
“Mas okay na din na wala.”
“Gusto ko din naman ako’ng una.”
“Iyon din naman ang gusto ko.”
I don’t have any regrets sa mga pagkasunod-sunod ng mga pangyayari dahil ang mahalaga ay napasa-akin ang aking anak. Nakakatuwa nga lang minsan na balikan namin ang naganap.
“Nag-imagined ako ng senaryo kung ipinagpatuloy mo.”
“Kung hindi ako tumigil, na-rape kita.”
“Sarap sana nun,” with a tinge of regret not in her words, but in her voice.
Habang binabalikan namin ang ibang sandali ng araw na iyon, naging sariwa muli sa aking ang kanyang reaksyon habang silo ko ang katawan niya sa kanyang kama.
“Nagulat talaga ako ng labasan ka bigla.”
“First time nangyari iyon.”
“But you masturbated before, diba?”
“No, I mean, yung habang kinikiliti mo ako?”
“Kaya din ako tumugil dahil unusual yung nangyari.”
“Unusual?”
“Kase hindi naman sekswal ang ginagawa natin nung bigla kang nag-orgasm.”
“Ow, I see.”
Kakaiba nga ang nangyari noon. Ang aking pag-kiliti ay nagdulot ng mataas na tensyon na sekswal hanggang sa umabot ito sa rurok, at ang namuong tenson ay ma-puwersang kumawala mula sa kanyang katawan at sa pagitan ng mga hita.
“Kaya akala ko un-intended yung reaksyon mo.”
“I was familiar with the orgasm because I had it before.”
“Kaya siguro, for a moment, you were oblivious to me.”
“Para akong nag-black out sa sarap.”
“Twice kang ngang nag-orgasm, diba?”
Liz was ecstatic at that moment, and it could be why she had forgotten kaya nagulat siya, “really, dad?”
I repeated, “twice, babe.”
“Akala ko isang beses lang pero matagal.”
“Could be, pero dalawang beses kang nag-peaked.”
“I knew it started when you were tickling me.”
“Dun ka nag-squirt, anak.”
Liz pulled her knees to her chest and slightly rotated her hips side to side dahil sa kilig na naramdaman.
“I could not believe I did that.”
“You could not stop it from happening until it was over.”
“I’m not sure kung nasabi ko na pero I got more excited.”
“Kaya siguro, you climaxed again while I was sucking your nipples.”
“I remember feeling so good when you did that.”
“Kaya siguro nilabasan ka ulit.”
“I knew my body wanted more.”
“But your mind was not ready.”
Binaba niya ulit ang mga paa, pero bahagyang pumihit paharap sa akin, at kanya muling inasam, “what if nga hindi ka tumigil.”
I also voiced my feelings on that missed opportunity, “ngayon ko lang talaga na-isip kung sakaling hindi kita binitawan.”
“It would have been spontaneous,” Liz added.
“Nakantot sana kita.”
“I would have been pregnant.”
“Malamang buntis ka na nga.”
“Iba na siguro ang suot ko.”
“Na-imagine ko na din minsan kapag buntis kana.”
“Parang bagay sa’kin ang buntis.”
“Bagay talaga sa’yo.”
“Pero mag-iiba ang katawan ko.”
“Okay, sa’kin iyon.”
“Really,” Liz asked casually since changes in the body during pregnancy are ordinary.
Alam mo kase, babe, may fetish din ako sa buntis.”
She was amazed, “talaga, dad?”
“I love pregnant belly and dark, swollen nipples.”
She paused for a second and seemed to be trying to picture something in her mind, “yung pekpek ko dad puffy din at dark.”
“Alam mo din iyon pala.”
“Nung buntis sina mommy ko sa mga kapatid ko kasabay kong maligo minsan kaya nakita ko.”
May time noon na sabay na buntis si Becca at Jess at palipat lipat din si Liz ng bahay dahil hindi pa lumilipat sa probinsya sina Becca noon. May mga araw din na mag-kakasama kaming lahat sa isang bahay dahil hindi muna umuwi si Becca sa kanila nang mga ilang buwan habang buntis na siya.
Also, picturing in my mind what she’d look like when pregnant, “oh, God! Babe, I’m sure you be hot!”
“Saka masarap ang sex kapag buntis.”
“You know that?”
“I read about it at saka mommy Becca said that to me.”
“Sobrang libog niya nga noong nag-bubuntis siya sa kapatid mo.”
“Eh, si mommy ko?”
“Halos pareho sila ni Becca. They were both insatiable.”
“Edi gustong gusto mo din?”
“Syempre, malibog din ako.”
“Parang nga.”
“Sinakyan ko ang biro niya, “puwera biro, promise talaga.”
“Eh, pag ako na?”
“Kakantutin kita araw araw hanggang sa manganak ka.”
“Sira ka talaga,” at pabirong binuntal ang right shoulder ko.
“Halos ganun kami ni Becca dati noong buntis siya kay Deth.”
“Araw araw, talaga?”
“Hindi naman literal, pero halus ganun nga.”
“Dad!”
“Ano iyon babe.”
“Yan tuloy, I wished na kinantot mo na ako sa kama ko noon.”
Again realizing that the moment might have been perfect for our first time, “well, we were both undeniably very horny that day in your room.”
Liz also recalled “I was already wet when we were running around.”
“Talaga?”
“Yes, dad.”
“I knew you were laughing and screaming kapag na-aabutan kita.”
“Pero alam mo, every time a nag-hahabulan tayo, gusto gusto ko kapag nahuhuli mo ako.”
“Me, too. Lalo na kapag napahiga na tayo sa sahig.
“Tapos nakayakap ka.” I looked at her, and she smiled.
“Gusto mo din pala iyon.”
“Diba binubuhat mo din ako at iniikot?”
“Yeah, habang magkayakap tayo.”
“Ang higpit kaya ng yakap mo.”
“Na-fefeel ko kasi yung mga suso.”
“Alam ko,” at tumawa kami.
“Wala ka palaging bra, anak”
“I feel sexy kapag wala.”
Tumingin ako sa kanya at ako naman ang napangiti, “sexy ka naman talaga.”
Muling niyang itiniklop ang mga hita at mga tuhod sa dibdib, “pag ang hawak mo patalikod kinakabahan na ako.”
“Kapag ini-ikot kita?”
“Oo.”
“Ba’t naman?”
“Ina-abangan ko kung hahawak ka sa suso ko.”
“I was tempted several times.”
“Sa bewang at tiyan lang palagi hawak mo noon.”
“Sa tiyan mo pa lang, masaya na ako.”
“I know. Na-feel ko din minsan sa likod ko.”
“It was hard to hide it.”
“Pero, dad, you were kissing me differently noon diba?”
“Iba na nga even before pa nung kilitiin kita.”
“Hindi na fatherly kisses, eh.”
“But you allowed me.”
“I wished I knew how to kiss you back then.”
“I even thought of being a bit bolder.”
“You did, locking my lower lip when you kissed me, diba?”
I gave her a guilty chuckle, “I was testing how far I could go.”
“Hintay naman ako kung anong gagawin mo pa,” ang sagot niyang pabirong dismayado.
“You were comfortable, din naman.”
“Pero na-surprised pa din ako sa dila mo.”
“Sa lips mo pa lang noong una.”
“Kinakabahan talaga ako noon.”
“Yung first, I felt you were startled.”
“I froze kaya.”
“Kaya pala you never pulled away.”
“I liked it din naman kase,” ang malambing naman niyang sinabi.
“I kiss you everyday sa lips kahit noon pa.”
“I really like that, dad.”
“Kaya kahit noon hindi pa tayo, I’m happy na.”
“Kaso naman, you never kissed me long enough.”
“Hinihintay mo pala yung ganun.”
“Para mag-make out tayo.”
“We were anticipating and waiting for each other pala, no?”
“Pero okay na din naman, dad.”
“Okay naman talaga, babe.’
“We had our first real kiss nung first night natin.”
Naalala ko din, “Oh, yung sa hallway.”
“You reached for my tongue.”
“Ang sarap mo,” na parang isang masarap na ulam ang aking tinukoy. Mahal ko si Liz subalit parang isang laman o karne din ang aking tingin at turing sa sarili kong anak
Na-appreciate niya ang aking sinabi, “tikman mo lang ako anytime.”
“Tumikim na nga kanina.”
“Bitin ka pa din no?”
“Makakain din ulit kita.”
“Hindi na kapag nakina Deth tayo.”
“Edi sa pag-balik mukhbangin kita.”
“Baka hindi ka makatiis.”
“Parang hindi nga,” sabay tingin sa lap niya at sabay din ng kindat ng aking mga kilay.
She pulled her knees to her chest again ang hugged her shins, “ay hindi pa ako nag-shower since this morning.”
Bigla akong nanabik sa kanyang natural at pawisan na amoy ng hindi pa lubos na hugas niyang kaselanan.
Liz maintains a healthy body, so her natural scent is an aphrodisiac to me, “lalo akong natakam.”
Her feet still on her seat, she leaned to me and playfully slapped my right shoulder, “grabe ka talaga.”
Kunwari lang siya sapagkat alam niya na gusto ko siyang lasahan bagong shower man siya o maski hindi pa.
Naghugas na ko ng kamay kaninang kumain kami sa terminal pero inilapit ko ang aking kanang daliri at nilanghap kunwari, “hmmm.”
“Baliw,” ang kantyaw ng aking dalaga.
“Nakakabaliw naman talaga ang lasa mong masarap.”
Liz reached my right hand kaya napatingin ako saglit sa kanya. Nakatingin din siya sa aking at kagat ang labi.
“I love you, dad.”
“I love you more, sweetheart.”
… … …
It took another thirty minutes to reach the next town or city along the national highway and another 10 minutes before we found a McDonald’s.
Walang drive-thru ang napuntahan namin na Mcdo, so I parked at the front, near the entrance at si Liz lamang ang bumaba.
Dahil sakto din ang pag-park ko sa poste ng ilaw, doon ko lang napansin na medyo halata ang panty ni Liz habang tinitignan ko siyang naglakad papasok. Binati siya ng guard at pinag-buksan niya ng pinto ang aking anak.
Isang babae lang ang nadatnan niyang nakapila sa counter na sakto hawak na ang try ng pagkain at muntik pang maurungan si Liz. Napansin ko din na may dalawang lalakeng costumers na nakatayo malapit sa counter at tila naghihintay ng kanilang take out. Pinag-mamasdan nila ang likod ng aking anak habang umo-order siya sa may counter. Kahit na oversized ang hoodie na suot niya, hind naman ito abot sa kanyang mga hita. At dahil maiksi ang shorts niya, mapapatingin nga talaga ang mga lalake sa kanyang mga makinis na hita at binti.
Komportable ako na safe pa din ang aking anak dahil nasa pintuan lamang ang security guard. Pero sa isip ko, alam ng guard na sa aking sasakyan bumaba si Liz at alam niya na nakikita ko ang lahat. Malamang nais din niyang pag-masdan ang aking dalaga at nahihiya lamang dahil kita niya na naka-masid pa din ako.
Sa pagbalik ni Liz sa sasakyan at sa pagbalik ko sa pagmamaneho, “baby, tinitignan ka ng mga lalake kanina sa Mcdo.”
Naka-deretso ulit ang backrest at hinipan niya ang opening ng cover ng hot chocolate niya na merong kaunting ngiti pagka-dinig sa aking sinabi.
“Kanina pa nga sa school ang mga tumitingin.”
“Normal na lang naman yun sa campus.”
“Maski sa labas ng campus papunta sa C&B.”
“It don’t blame them.”
Natuwa si Liz at ngumiti.
“Dad, sa kalsada lang ang tingin mo, ha.”
I teased her, “you clearly like the attention, do you?”
Kahit hindi pa nagawa ni Liz ang ginawa ni Stella sa cafe, vocal na si Liz sa pagiging open niya sa ganitong aspeto ng kanyang sekswalidad kaya walang alinlangan niyang sinabi, “hmm, especially when I wear more revealing clothes.”
“I see what you wanted to reveal tonight,” ang pa-sarcastic kong sinabi.
She leaned to the right, raised her left hip, and displayed her lower body, “my thighs and legs,” she jokingly said but was surely proud of them.
Nararamdaman ng mga babae kapag meron tumutungin sa kanila at marahil ito ay totoo kahit na lagpas pa sa kanilang peripheral view ang nag-mamasid.
“Alam mo kapag tinitignan ka?”
“Hindi ko pina-pahalata. I don’t look at them kase.”
“But do you feel offended sometimes?”
“Rarely.”
“Really.”
“Yeah, even if I’m not generally in a good mood.”
“Some girls ayaw tinititigan sila.”
“I take it as a compliment.”
Hindi dapat ako mag-malinis dahil tumitingin din ako sa mga babae at sinilipan ko pa nga ang kaibigan niya.
“Kung sabagay.”
“At saka ang sarap ng feeling na na-appreciate.”
“I appreciate you, anak.”
“Never once I doubted, dad.”
Ang pagtitig sa babae ay hindi naman likas na masama, ngunit kung patuloy ang tingin matapos mapansin ng babae ang tutok na pagmamasid ay maaring hindi na tama.
“Eh paano kung titig na titig sa’yo?”
“Hindi pa din ako titingin sa kanila. Dedma lang.”
Teasing her, “well, because sometimes, you seek the attention nga?”
“Mostly,” and she giggled.
Wala naman akong problema sa mga babae na nag-papakita ng kanilang katawan, ngunit kung gagawin nila iyon, hindi sila dapat magulat kapag ang lalaki ay napapasulyap.
Dahil may tatlo akong anak na babae, agree ako na ang mga lalaki ay dapat magkaroon ng higit na paggalang at iwasan ang pag-cat call sa mga babae. Pero kung nakasuot sa publiko ay low cut na tank top, maikling shorts na may mga punit pa, dapat ay maunawaan din ng babae kung bakig tinitignan siya ng mga lalaki.
“Naranasan mo na yung intense staring?”
“Hmm, yung nasa mall tayo. While trying some shoes.”
I remembered and knew her reaction then, so I asked, “any other time that you didn’t like being ogled?”
“I think one time my classmates and I were lining up to buy movie tickets.”
“Anong na-feel mo?”
“I felt embarrassed kase dahil nakita ng mga kasama ko.”
“You did not like it dahil nahiya ka sa mga kaklase mo?”
“Parang ganung nga.”
“Kung hindi nakita ng mga kasama mo parang ayos lang.”
Reluctantly she admitted, “hmm, yeah.”
“What did you really feel?”
“I felt nervous but not scared.”
“Nervous like excited?
“Medyo.”
Not sounding accusatory, “it sounded like you liked it.”
“Yes,” na merong kaunting ngiti sa pagsulyap ko sa kanya.
“May lumapit na ba sa’yo?”
“So far wala pa naman.”
“What would you do if someone approached you?”
“After akong titigan?”
“Oo, yung ganung instance.”
“I guessed if it happened in public at madaming tao, and I knew I would be safe, I won’t be scared. Pero kung kami lang dalawa or in a secluded place, I might scream.”
“I’d still be worried, baby.”
“Don’t be. I know when and where to dress properly.”
Kapag nakakakita tayo ng isang babae sa publiko na ang suot ay nag-papakita ng maraming skin o ang suot naman ay sobrang sikip, mapapasulyap talaga ang ibang tao. Ang nakaka-inis ay kapag nagkataon na biglang napatingin din ang babaeng minamasdan at bigla siyang iiwas o lalayo na para bang pinaparamdam niya na isang manyakis ang tumitingin.
“Meron ka na bang sinungitan o tinarayan?”
“Yun nga, diba, I tried not to look back.”
“E kung nakita mo na tinititigan ka talaga?”
“Anong klaseng titig, yung galit? Tumawa siya dahil alam niya naman ang tinutukoy ko.
Pero sinakyan ko lang siya, “yung titig na sobrang laswa.”
“Baliw ka talaga, dad.” Binatukan niya ang aking ulo ng marahan at tumawa.
Pareho kaming natutuwa sa aming usapan.
“At saka yung titig na hinuhubaran ka.”
“Hindi pa ako nagalit sa mga nakatingin sa akin. Siguro ma-iinis lang ako kung sinusundan ako o sigawan ng bastos.”
Naturally, I felt worried, “stalking is offensive anak.”
Nagulat naman ako nang bigla siyang tumawa ng medyo malakas kahit tinakpan niya ng mga palad ang bibig.
“Bakit ka natawa?”
“May stalker akong highschool dad,” at natatawa pa din siya.
Narealized ko na ganyan din ako nung high school at late elementary years. Meron akong crushes at minsan na inaabangan sila sa loob ng campus kapag recess o uwian para masulyapan. Si Jessica nga ay madaming araw kong hinanap bago ko nagawang lapitan at mag-pakilala. Kaya kahit na “stalker” ang binanggit na term ni Liz, alam ko naman na hindi yung literal na meaning ang nasa isip niya.
“Anong nangyari?”
“Wala naman. Yung kapag may vacant time, nakikita ko siya kasama mga kaklase.”
When she said ‘kasama mga kaklase niya‘ I knew that kind of campus stalking was benign. Girls, with their friends, do that, too.
“Saan banda?”
“Mostly dun sa walk-way sa gilid ng pader.”
“Yung may mga benches at garden?”
“Oo, minsan dun kami kapag vacant.”
“Anong ginagawa niya.”
“Wala lang, mangangantyaw lang mga barkada niya tapos aasarin din ako ng mga classamates ko.”
“Kinikilig ka naman.”
“Syempre,” was her firm answer. “At saka mga kasama ko meron din mga admirer, lalo na si Stella,” dagdag pa niya.
“I understand naman yung ganyan.”
Tila alam din ni Liz, “yung ano, ligaw tingin.”
“Parang ganun nga. Pag bata pa normal lang nahihiya minsan.”
Medyo kaunting inis niyang sinabi, “Ay! Ano ba! Huwag nang dalhin hanggang college.”
Pati ako ay natawa sa sinabi niya. Tinutukoy niya ang mga would-be-suitors niya na natotorpe.
“But how do you feel having campus a ‘stalker’?”
“I love it.”
“How so?”
“Kaming mga girls kasi kahit hindi gaanong ka-attractive and guy pero kapag nalaman namin na may crush sa amin, kinikilig pa din kami.”
“Kapag campus stalker mas exciting?”
“As long as it is not predatory. I like the idea of someone obsessing over me.”
“It excites you?”
“Yung iba siguro gustong manakit, pero yung idea kasi na sexually obsessed sila, yun yung nakaka-aroused.”
“You like the idea that they want sex with you?”
“I like it a lot.”
I suddenly remembered Tricia’s story that she almost had a threesome and found it arousing that the two guys wanted to have sex with her. So, I asked Liz about a hypothetical scenario.
“What if may two guys kang kasama, like sa party, at gusto ka nila?”
“Ano iyon, madaming tao?”
I thought of the same situation as Tricia’s story.
“Or maybe, you’re in a different place, almost anonymous, tapos may kainuman kang two guys at obvious na gusto ka nilang i-kama?”
“Threesome kami?”
“Exactly.”
“Yung halimbawa may conference sa ibang lugar and before flight back home may inuman?”
I was a bit surprised that Liz described the same situation that Tricia told me, but I pretended not to have an idea and let Liz describe the scenario.
“Yun nga.”
“Yung una parang wala lang tapos unti-unti humahawak na sila?”
I wanted to hear her say, “like saan?”
“Yung aakbay sa likod at hahawak sa tuhod.”
I added, “tapos nakikipag-flirt na sa’yo.”
“May sexual innuendos pa.”
“Ganun nga. Yung pinakikiramdaman ka.”
“Pero obvious na may balak sa’ken?”
“Oo, at parang tinitimpla ka muna nila.”
Nabigla na ako ng sabihin niya, “ganun ang nangyari kay ate Tricia.”
I pretended not to know, at kunwari ay nagulat ng kaunti, “ano daw ang nangyari?”
“I guess she did not tell you?”
Kunwari hindi ko alam, “tell me what?”
“Yung na-meet niyang two guys.”
“Her exes?”
“No, iba yun.”
“So, anong two guys.”
Liz paused and pondered for a while, “hindi niya siguro sinabi dahil ate Trish wants to date you.”
I wondered why Liz said that. Sa isip ko ay wala naman nangyari dahil Tricia said that she made an excuse to leave and avoided the guys’ plan to tag-team her.
I still pretended not to have any idea, “ano yung hindi niya sinabi?”
“Wala pa siyang nabanggit sa’yo nun?”
“We talked about other stuff.”
“Nung nasa patio kayo,” ang pabirong parinig niya sa’kin.
“We’ll, we did not really talk that much, anyway,” ang retort ko naman kahit madami kaming pinag-usapan ni Tricia.
“Ah, kasi busy kayo sa ibang bagay?”
Kahit na nag-bibiruan kami, curious ako kung ano ang kinwento ni Tricia kay Liz tungkol sa naka-inuman niyang dalawang lalaki.
I still acted that Tricia did not say anything about the two guys, “siguro hindi na lang niya muna sinabi sa’kin.”
“Sabihin ko ba?” Ang tanong sa sarili kahit na ready na niyang ikwento.
So, I kept on prodding her, “sasabihin niya din siguro sa akin, eventually.”
Liz rationalized, “sabagay alam niya ang tungkol sa atin at mas intense tayo kaysa sa na-experienced niya.”
Tricia said nothing happened, so I wondered what Liz was referring to when she said ‘na-experienced’ni ate Trish.'”
“Ano daw ang na-experienced niya?”
“She said, she had threesome.”
“Really?” ang halatang gulat kong tanong.
Napa-isip ako bigla na baka ibang pag kwento ang tinutukoy ni Liz sa kwento ni Tricia sa akin na hindi natuloy ang balak ng mga lalake.
“Kailan daw?”
I was surprised again when Liz said, “yung nag-attend siya ng seminar.”
Liz seemed to have validated we’re talking about the same incident but wanted to know if the final versions are the same.
“Ano daw nangyari?”
“She had threesome nga.”
“Where?”
“At her hotel.”
I still could not ascertain which version was true: The one Tricia said that nothing happened, and Liz’s version that something did happen.
“Any detail?”
“Maybe you should ask her.”
Ang sabi ko na lang, “I will ask her pero I would like to hear some background from you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Liz made it more specific, “yun nga, she had sex with two guys.”
I acted nonchalantly even though I was very interested to know, “sabi mo nga mas intense ang sa’tin, so Tricia having a threesome is not as serious as what we’re having, baby.”
“Sabagay.”
“Tutal alam na din naman niya ang tungkol sa’tin, so what she did might not be as a big of deal as compared to us,” ang sabi ko maski medyo big deal para sa akin.
Liz skipped the other details on how Tricia ended up hanging out with the two guys.
“Umiinom daw silang tatlo.”
“Nalasing ba siya?” Trying to acertain Tricia’s version given to Liz.
“Wala man daw nalasing sa kanila.”
At least that confirmed that Tricia indeed paced or “tinansta” niya ang inom. The two guys probably did not want to be wasted, maybe because they thought that if they were inebriated, they would not enjoy the experience. It made sense because I would do the same.
“Niyaya daw siya?”
“Hindi agad.”
“Pinakiramdaman nila muna ang ate mo?”
“After a while, they kept on hugging and touching her.”
“Touched her where?”
“Sa kamay at sa tuhod, pati din sa hita.”
“Habang nag-uusap siguro.”
“Una, pasimple lang tapos tumatagal na yung hawak.”
“They were gauging her.”
“Pinapalibog siya,” sabay natawa ang anak ko.
“Obviously, it worked.”
“Oo, tapos nag-offer yung isa na ihatid siya sa hotel room niya dahil gabi na.”
“Dun na siya nag-decide siguro,” still trying to follow Liz’s story.
“She said she’s having second thought.”
“Pero nag-pahatid din siya?”
“Kakabreak lang yata nila nung boyfriend niya kaya yung na nga.”
Somehow, tugma dun ang story ni Tricia na kakabreak lang nga nila ng ex niya.
“Did she tell the details?”
“Hindi nga, eh,” and sounded frustrated.
“I wondered if that’s the last time.”
Bigla niyang na-alala, “ate said the guys also traveled to meet her.”
“Dun sa banda sa atin?”
“Yeah.”
…