As I have written recently, our start, Lyn and I, on that fateful evening in my house was simply the beginning.
Several months have past, February of 2020. Lyn and I carried on casually as if nothing really happened. We are talking casually and at work, professionally. I have been wondering – one night stand lang siguro iyon para sakanya.
After she bid her goodbye on that morning following our tryst, she never contacted me.
Seriously. Ang galing naman nun, pakiwari ko sa sarili ko. Ganun ba siyang babae? One night stand lang ba? no strings attached nor feelings? Or is it just me that got too affected and had an emotional attachment after the deed? – All of these are my questions. Hindi ko naman magawang tanungin or ulitin sa kanya yung mga nangyaring yun. Honestly, takot akong malaman na para bang ginamit lang ako.
Call me an idiot or emotional sucker, but I am like that. Seryoso ako sa mga nakakasama ko especially the ones na nakasama ko na – in bed. I am not fully interested in someone who is simply there to satisfy my/or her needs. If you are my FuBu most likely I will have feelings or attachment for you. And even before I would get in bed with someone, I always make sure na kahit paano kung magkahiwalay man kami at some point, we still have that respect sa isa’t isa. Again, call me old school and perhaps a dying breed (I know it’s 2022) but I like exclusivity in a partnership or relationship.
In this case, kay Lyn, talagang iba. Spur of the moment. Unplanned, Fated, dala ng alak, dala ng kalibugan etc etc.. What happened can’t be undone. Present is present. But I cannot move on due to this cloud of inquiries in my head.
After we bid our little goodbyes and the next Monday that followed, ayun na. Nagpapansinan kami as co-workers, that is just it. We didn’t talk much. I am scared na mag-open up sakanya dahil parang ayokong marinig sakanya yung salitang “it was just a night well spent” o kaya “pwede bang kalimutan nalang natin yun? may asawa na ako at anak!” “Mali yung nangyari satin Franz” blah blah blah..
If she is hiding her feeling, she is doing very well. From day to day na ginawa ng Diyos, I was half hoping na magusap kami or anything – WALA.
February 14 2020. Araw ng mga Puso (nila). ‘Puso Nila’ dahil wala naman akong iniibig o pwedeng i-date. May pinagnanasahan akong i-date pero may asawa’t anak naman. Nakasiping ko pero parang pinagtripan lang ako.
Anyway, I made a bold move to ask her. I sent her a message “Mam, Happy Valentines!” and I sent her a Virtual Flower. No answer.
Seen-zoned bruh! Stop your fantasy and be a man! Forget about her and spend some time with the boys and catch some wild girls at night. I want to make myself believe in this. Pero ayun nga, there is something about Lyn that I really cannot shake.
Before leaving school I went to Mrs. Reyes, head ng Senior high dept. “Goodafternoon po, mam pinapatawag niyo daw po ako?”
“Ah yes! Mr Ramirez, ang gwapo mo pala ano?” Wow naman! It brightened my day and straightened my back proudly. Nakakataba ng puso yung mga pambobola ng matatanda. Hahaha “Naku mam, baka po marinig nila, maniwala sila ng husto.” sagot kong sinsakyan ang umpisang biro niya. “You really look good hijo, I wonder if you are married already because I am too old na para magpaligaw sayo. Unless I am having your attention?” (sabay tawa) “Your husband must be lucky to have you” sagot kong nakangiti. “Trust me hijo, find a woman that you want to pursue, who respects you and will understand you. That is enough to last a lifetime.” Wow! words from the wise.
I was surpirsed by her remarks.”Thank you po for the words of advice.” “Yes, in time hijo it will. With that good looks and smile, I am sure. Anyway, the school will be holding its annual founding anniversary. Since bago ka palang I planned to team you up with the seasoned ones. You will be tasked with certain projects para sa school fair. Ms. Lyn will be your focal person on this one. (sabay bigay ng papers for the fair) Details are there. Umuwi yata ng maaga si Lyn, I haven’t seen her since lunch. Maybe you can reach her out or kontakin mo siya?” “Sige po” tanging sagot ko. Mrs. Reyes’ eyes are old and weary but when she speaks, you can feel her fire and domineering attitude. She is in her early fifties. Plump but good looking, may pagka-‘Madame’ ang kilos at pananalita. Intelligent and intimidating. Pero beneath her bravado, alam mong ‘nanay’ siya.
“You might want to help them out here since alam kong may training or experience ka sa private schools, or maybe some best practices in organizing a school fair?” “Yes po, I was involved in some of these as well.” paniniguro ko.
“Sige, tag team kayo ni Lyn with 4 more colleagues in there. Anything that you want to know, Run it through Lyn. I already informed and briefed her about this. Matter of fact, she suggested your name to be on the school fair organizers due to your qualification.” Nagulat ako “Ah talaga po? That’s interesting.”
“What do you mean interesting?” sambulat ni Mrs. Reyes. Parang nahuli niya yung maling sagot ko. “Ah eh, parang bago palang po kasi ako dito, I am just surprised that Ms. Lyn has nominated me. A newcomer.” sagot ko nalang.
“Its not really about being new or veteran, ano kaba? Its your qualification and experience nadin.” “I appreciate it po mam.”
“You know, I don’t really understand itong si Lyn minsan but I trust her professional judgement.”
“What do you mean po?” curious kong tanong.
Sumagot naman si Mrs. Reyes. “Lyn usually keeps to herself. She is composed and works well, but sometimes she keeps quiet and not interacting fully sa mga co-workers niya. Ok naman siya, she gets the job done all the time. Pero may mga times talaga na tahimik lang at elusive sa mga katrabaho. Alam mo yun? parang may mga araw na hindi siya cohesive sa mga co-workers niya. I have talked to her many times in the past. She is quite hard to read. But she is highly functional and reliable pagdating sa mga workloads… (she trailed off, thinking na marami nang nasabi.) Anyway, that’s a lot about her, ang daldal ko noh?” (sabay natatawang sambit niya). ” At least may idea na po ako a little about Ms. Lyn.” pag sang-ayon kong tugon. “Well.. I thought about one thing, you can also ask Mrs. Villanueva. She’s the one who also knows about this school fair and she’s a part of the budget department for the event. Baka may kontak siya ni Lyn, she happens to refer Lyn in this school. As far as I know, she is a close friend of Ms. Lyn as well.”
“I think nasa office pa po si mam Flor (si Mrs. Villanueva) I saw her on my way dito.” “Oh siya at makapag usap kayo. See you around. Good luck!” “Ok po, thank you for including me on this project.” “No problem.”
As I walked out of the office, I thought about asking people around about Lyn, discreetly – pasimpleng imbestigasyon baga. Just a casual inquiry of this and that. To avoid suspicion.
Walking through the hallway I am reminded of that night we spent together. The touch of her skin on mine, her soft lips and tongue. The scent of her sweat trailing off of her skin from neck to shoulder. The sight of her body writhing sensually. Her curves that makes me go erotically wild. Everything about that night is as fresh as if it was just yesterday. I am getting hard again. Shit! I have to stop thinking like this. But I cannot. Her body reminded me of the plus-size model Iskra Lawrence ((try and google it)) – no doubt. The moment I saw her photos online, I quickly made the resemblance. Just make it morena and poof! My beautiful Lyn. nervous laugh.
“Godaffternoon po Mam (si Mrs. Villanueva)” “Yes sir? tuloy ka” utos nito. “Anything I can help you with?” “Yes po, (I handed her the papers) “Ahh.. Ok.. (habang tinitignan ang mga ito) Well, it is quite simple on the details, since included ka dito sa roster ng organizers, all you have to do now is your part. Most of the time some of the members here knows what to do already. As you can see yearly na yan. Para hindi ka mabigla here’s your job: organize a parlor game or booth that can be profitable to assist in the fund raising. As simple as that. Be creative pero yung tipong low budget lang and something that may require only a few personnel to manage”
” I think I have an idea for that Mam,” “Ok good! you can also ask Ms. Lyn about it since siya ang overall na OIC this year. Just like the past year. It was a success and the principal was happy about it. Kaya siguro siya ulit ang OIC this year”
Then it goes. Si Lyn ang point person ko talaga. I will give it a try. “Ok po mam, salamat po.”
I went home. Cooked my dinner and sat on my couch. The same couch where it all started and ended in my bed. The house is quite bare and really have that stone rustic ambience both on the inside and out. Tahimik ang bahay at tanging mga kuliglig lang ang maririnig mo at nightime. The next house to mine would be my uncle who is usually living in his little kubo in the middle of his farm. So may pagka-isolated yung location ko. Any emergency would leave me helpless. I opened my laptop. Thought about messaging Lyn for good.
‘Goodevening Mam Lyn, I am sorry to bother you at this hour. I just wanted to take some notes on the school fair. I was tasked by the principal to handle some part for the event. I am just running it through you for the approval.’
I wasn’t expecting any answer.
Minutes have past. Hours. No answer. Not even seen. I am not surprised though. But I am half hoping.
It was 4:00 am the next day that I saw a message on my phone. It was a friend request notice.
I opened it and it looks like a cryptic account. No profile photo. No friends. Looks like a dummy account. But there’s a message. “Goodmorning, I was expecting you’d reach out. What happened months ago was neither a mistake nor morally proper. But I am not in the position to say it. Ginawa natin pareho at walang nagpumilit. WE both shared the night together pero hindi ako nagsisisi about it. What’s done was all in the past. I must admit, it was a pleasurable night and I let go of my inhibition. I am not talking to you in public nor messaging you since I do not want to hear that it was all a good game and a night well spent for you. I created this account to avoid being caught and risk anything personal about me. I am scared that I will become the talk of the town pagdating sa mga co-workers natin. That is why I am being careful in communicating to you. I am simply hoping that you will keep your words na sa atin nalang lahat yung namagitan nung gabing yun. I do not regret any part of it. And once again, I am begging you to keep your words. – Lyn’
Oh my! That was the idea after all. Ako takot na ma-reject, siya takot na masira ang pangalan. This is something. I got too excited and thrilled and replied back.
‘Hi Lyn, first of all, You have my word that anything or everything that has happened will be kept safe. Do not bother yourself thinking about it. I am not that type of guy na ikinakalat ang mga bedtime stories niya. I also wanted you to know that I feel the same way as you. I still think about that night that we spent together. I won’t lie to you, I liked it and sometimes I think of you whenever I go to bed. We are both sharing the same bed together lying next to each other and naked. DO not take this against me, ha? I am just honest enough to admit it.’
Sent. All of a suddent, There is someone typing on the other end. She is still awake? At this hour?
‘I am glad to hear it. Mukha ka namang mapagkakatiwalaan eh’
‘Of course’ dagli dagli kong sagot. ‘Ba’t gising kapa?’
‘Can’t sleep. I just learned a week ago na buntis yung babae ng asawa ko’
‘Really? How?’
‘Diba nga shit happens all the time?. I just saw his email when I logged in sa family desktop namin. Ayun, they are talking sa mga dummy e-mail accounts nila’
‘I am truly sorry for that. What are your plans now?’ tanong ko. I sincerely feel sorry for her. I am a guy, but if I have kids and would plan on banging someone and get her impregnated, I might tell it to my wife right away and do the honorable thing. Maybe hindi lang talaga ako mahilig sa ganung galawan. Too complicated.
‘Nothing, I am lost. I am thinking of the kids and the possibility of annulment. He has money, I have only enough to get by.’
‘Can the two of you get a sit down and talk things over. Aminin mo na matagal mo nang alam and tell him that you have kept your part of the bargain. Sabi nga nila, no matter how painful, the truth will set you free.’
‘Actually yan din iniisip ko. Pero malaking shock sa mga bata yun. Even the impact of such thing to consider might somehow ruin their emotions.’
Napaka-considerate nitong si Lyn, as I admire her sexually. I am also even in admiring her mentality and tenacity to consider several things all at once and still think selflessly to serve the all the good things for the benefit of others. This woman could have been my wife.
‘Yeah. Remember you are talking to someone who is raised by a single mother.’
‘Oo pala noh? How was it?’
‘Well kung bata ka, dimo masyadong pansin syempre yung effect. Maybe in your case may isip at edad na pareho mga babies mo. Parating sinasabi ni mama noon na sundalo si papa at secret ang trabaho niya kaya hindi sya masyadong nakakausap or nakikita. That was maybe 5 or 6 ako. But as I grew up, inexplain unti unti sakin how are things. I immediately accepted the fact na iniwan si mama. So parang stage by stage, andun yung alalay na breakdown ng pangyayari na acceptable sa age ng bata. So it wasn’t so hard for me.’
‘Ok siguro yang appraoch na yan pag hindi nila nakamulatan si Daddy nila. Pero yun nga, iba sakin.’
‘Maybe a good compromise will do. Kesa naman may suffering on your part, and also yung mga bata at some point malalaman din yan, dahil tumatanda sila. Sooner or later they will still feel betrayed for not knowing the infidelity of their father especially during your marriage.’ akala mo alam na alam ko. But I was really trying to formulate a good advice for her. She is down and in pain.
‘Maybe that is what I need’. si Lyn
‘Yeah, marahil magandang mag-usap kayo’
‘Care to talk tomorrow?’ aya niya. ‘Pasyalan kita sa inyo and maybe we can smoothen our personal difference’
Oh MY GOD! What EXACTLY does that mean?
‘Sure I guess you can come by anytime at around 9:00 am onwards.’
‘Daan muna ako sa school to get some papers and diretso ako sa inyo’
‘Ok no problem.’
And she’s out. Maybe nag log out na.
Dali dali akong nagligpit. It’s already past 4:00 in the morning and I feel excited and thrilled. When I am done. I went for a good coffee and thought about buying some food early sa palengke.
I have made a nice brunch bago dumating si Lyn. I was thinking of many things that can happen with me and her alone. I prepared my specialty, bulalo with beef ribs. I hope she would like it.
10:20 am. May tumigil na sasakyan sa tapat bahay. Si Lyn.
I opened the gate. Pagpasok nito ay nakangi…