Hi guys, just wanna share something.. This is just part of my past and nothing to do with my life now.. Minsan lang talaga masarap yung binabalikan mo yung mga bagay na nangyare noon who taught you a lesson. And of course naging stepping stone mo to go on with your life.
When I started working in a BPO industry, I’ve met a guy who is a little younger than me. That time, I was vulnerable and came in a broken relationship. I was left by my partner and sumama sa bakla. What a big fuck diba. Imagine babae kana pinagpalit ka pa sa bakla.. Mapapatanong ka, ano pang kulang? Well, sa ngayon pag naiisip ko yun natatawa na lang ako. Anyways, going back to the guy na nakilala ko, we’ve been friends actually. And since broken nga ako that time, sya yung nag comfort saken. Tinatawagan nya ako every once in a while.. During our training days naman, lagi syang nasa tabi ko. Guiding me through out the process since bago lang ako sa ganung industry, and sya naman may experienced na. So as time goes by, bumabalik ako sa dati kong sigla. Nakaka moved on ako sa gagong lalakeng nang iwan sa akin. Eh syempre, as expected, sa kanya nabaling yung atensyon ko. One day, nagtapat sya sa akin. He likes me daw. Kaso not yet ready for commitment. He wanted to be stable muna sa work na yun kung san magkasama kame. And he made a promise na pag okay na kame dun, stable na, liligawan nya daw ako. Eh syempre ako bilang babae, what do you expect diba. Then everyday na pagpasok namen sa work, dinadaanan nya ako sa apartment. Nagdadala sya ng pagkain or anything na pwede ko magamit sa bahay. And then one day, when we passed the first assessment.. And as for celebrating the winnings, he asked me if he can stay with me sa apartment the whole night. Which will be the first time.. Eh syempre ako how would I say no.. At syempre may nangyare samen. He’s kinda daks,( kung tawagin nila), and new for me. Kasi my past boyfriend is tama lang. The standard size ng pinoy. But I can say hindi sya magaling gumalaw. Nabibitin ako. But that time, doesn’t matter. Coz what matters most is that mahal ko sya.. And while we’re having sex, he kept on saying na masarap ako, na magaling ako, na sa kanya lang ako. Na walang ibang pwedeng makakatikim saken kundi sya lang. So syempre, that was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Hindi ko lang alam sa iba..
Nagtuloy tuloy yung pagiging workmates and m.u namen.. Not knowing na that m.u means, MALABONG USAPAN…
Then one day, my bestfriend, (which is also our co-worker) got into a car accident. So since he’s the only one who’s living here in the Philippines, lahat ng pamilya nya nasa ibang bansa na, no one will take care of him sa ospital. He has a girlfriend, but also working. So I have no choice but to act as a bestfriend.. Alternate kame ng gf nya sa pagbabantay sa hospital. Whenever I come out from work, diretcho sa hospital so his girlfriend will go to work naman. Yun ang naging buhay ko for almost a month. Hanggang sa hindi na kinaya ng katawan ko. Nagkasakit ako. But still, have to continue what I am doing.. Hanggang sa nagaaway na kame ni guy. Kasi nawawala na daw ako sa focus. Which is true naman. Nagkaron ako ng absents, hindi makasabay sa flow ng lectures.. Hanggang sa I was terminated.. Kaya lalo kame nagaway ni guy.. Til that one day, na nagkalabuan na kame. Hindi na gaya ng dati..
Then there was a time when we are in the hospital, that guy invited me sa team building nila. And that was two days before my birthday. And as expected, I said yes.. We went to that resort the same day that he invited me. Well, okay din naman kasi kilala ko naman ang mga kasama. Mga ka team namen before. Lahat nagtataka. If we have a relationship. Kaso wala.. So wala kameng naisagot.. Magdamag na inuman, kwentuhan, then 5am in the morning, the team decided to packed up.. Kameng dalawa, umiba kame ng way.. We need a place wherein solo namen ang bawat isa. And another round happened.. We made sex.. After that, hiwalay na ulit. Ako balik sa hospital, sya uwi sa bahay nila to take a rest..
It’s my birthday.. My bestfriend and his girlfriend bought me cake to thank me for taking care of him. And of course, posted it on facebook. While browsing, my bestfriend saw a post from this guy.. With his girlfriend.. Yes!! After that guy promised to court me, may girlfriend na pala sya.. And that was too painful para saken.. I felt like I was a big mess that time.. I do have a lot of why’s in my mind.. Bakit ganito, bakit ganyan.. Inisip ko pa na ako ang may problema. And of course, I’ve shed too much tears for that man.. Hindi ko nga alam kung matatawag ko ba syang lalake. Kasi ang pagkakaalam ko, ang lalake, my balls.
Ilang buwan din yung lumipas bago ako maka recover.. Hanggang sa nakalabas na yung bestfriend ko sa hospital, naka recover na,.. But during my bestfriend’s recovery period, me and his girlfriend need to stay at his house.. Para alalayan sya. Okay na din saken kasi mas dumali oara saken ang magmove on. Pero hindi nawala yung galit ko to that guy.. Sabe ko pa noon, he created a monster.. Mas naging matapang ako. Mas naging matatag. At mas naging matalino..
Til one day, may dumalaw sa bestfriend ko. Kumpare nya. Pero hindi ako interesado kasi may asawa nga daw. But he is totally gwapo and lahat ng gusto ko sa lalake, nasa kanya.. Kaso, mukang pinanindigan ko yung sinabi ko na that guy who broke my heart again created a monster. Eto naman kasing ku oare ng bestfriend ko, medyo may pagkapilyo din. He kept on visiting me sa bahay ng bestfriend ko. Well, infairness to him naman, masarap sya kausap, and really have a sense of humour.. Kahit anong lumabas sa bibig bya made me laughed. Ako naman, while nagrerebelde, nakipag sex ako sa kumpare ni bestfriend. And he is a damn good in bed. Ang nangyare, everytime na dadalaw sya dun sa bahay, may nangyayare. Minsan ako pa mismo nagaaya.
Til I decided na magpaalam na sa bestfriend ko. Tingin ko naman okay na sya, and his girl naman wala na din work so makakapag focus na sa kanya. I decided to go home. Kasi naman I also have my life to live naman diba. I need to work for myself. Mahirap yung umaasa lang. Then syempre, kahit papano nagpaalam din ako sa kumpare nya. But our communication still constant. Nagkikita kame somewhere. We decided to be best of friends.. Na nagtagal naman. But suddenly, we fell inlove with each other.. And we’ve been so happy those times..
Nagpaalam ako sa kanya na magaaply ako ulit sa company kung saan kame galing ng bestfriend ko. And of course he said yes. At alam nya na magkikita at magkikita kame doon ng lalakeng dumurog sa puso ko.I can’t say he is my ex coz wala naman kame naging relasyon. Akala ko lang totoo yung sinabi nya na liligawan nya ako pag okay na lahat.
Hindi ko naman itinago sa kanya yung mga time na nagkikita kame ni guy.. Detelyado.. Bawat salita na sinasabi saken ni guy. And then one time, one of our team mates asked for a help. He need money. Kaya binenta nya saken yung necklace nya. Not knowing na kay guy pala yun. I don’t know kung ano man ang naging set up nila regarding that necklace. All I know is that I bought it and that’s mine now.
Then one morning, when Im about to leave our workplace, that guy approached me regarding the necklace. I was shocked that time. Hindi ko kasi alam na that is his thing. Naguluhan ako. What I said na lang is he better talk to our team mate so they can fix things. I can give back the necklace, but they need to give me back my money as well..
Nagulat ako kasi nagalit sya. Kaso wala naman magagawa galit nya. Unless bigay nya yung pera, and we’re done..
Then one day, nagkita kame ni jowa jowaan ko. Pinakita ko sa kanya si necklace.. But the thing is, hindi ko sinabi na that is a property of that guy. Maybe kasi iniisip ko na baka may isipin syang iba.. Na I know, mali.. Kaso I don’t have any choice..
Time goes by.. That guy kept on sending me messages thru messenger. Na kinatakot ko na baka mabasa ni jowa kasi alam nya password. So I sent him a message saying na huwag sya magmemessage sa messenger dahil hindi lang ako ang nagamit no. So I gave him my number para ma set namen kung saan at kailan nya ibibigay si pera para maibalik ko yung necklace. Then when I was in manila, hindi ko ineexpect na bubuksan ni jowa si messenger. At nagulat ako ng makita ko na magkausap na sila sa messenger.. I even texted him na you better shut up at bawiin nya lahat ng sinabi nya sa jowa ko or else ako naman ang manggugulo sa kanya. Pero indi sya nakinig saken. So he left me choice but to block him sa facebook. Which is lalong naka intriga sa jowa ko. Kasi nga my jowa was refering to the necklace, kaya whatever na sinabi ni guy, papaniwalaan nya. So since that guy said that nagkikita padin kame, and he even said na mas masarap ako before, pinaniwalaan nya. Hanggang sa naging issue na namen palagi.. At halos maging sanhi ng paghihiwalay namin..
I know that, pag ang tiwala ang nasira, mahirap na ibalik. Pero naniniwala din ako na, kapag mahal mo ang isang tao, mas pipiliin mo magtiwala.. Kahit paulit ulit… .