Yung tatanungin mo sa sarili mo.. puta, akala ko we had a great time. Akala ko we had a connection, akala ko everything went well, akala ko interested kami sa isa’t isa talaga. Pero matatanga ka kasi ni ha ni ho wala after ng thank you and goodnight? That was my game in the previous years kaya I know when it’s happening with me. I’ve been once called a bubble, dahil bigla bigla na lang raw nawawala (that’s another beauty of using a dummy account, you deactivate it then poof! It’s like you never existed!), by someone who really liked me but I didn’t feel the compatibility that he asserts. After a meeting I would always think about ‘What’s gonna be next?’ Or ‘Should there be a next?’ I’m a thinker, a little over, but I believe I could mask it almost perfectly that it would look like I don’t even care. I’m a paradox.
I was enervated from the last past 5 days including the Sunday that we first met that I got sick the following Wednesday. I was home alone and thinking to myself, ‘Uhh, ano? walang paramdam? If he isn’t onto chatting, maybe if I call him, if he heard my voice.. it could amount to something’ Eh kaso may ubo’t sipon, boses bakla ako sa phone! Pero sige try.. wala naman mawawala sayo, di ka naman niya pa kilala talaga, at walang mangyayari lalo kung hindi mo susubukan. Eh offline nini!! Okay try getting the phone number, eh meron! Nakalink ang phone number sa messenger!
I dont really like phone calls, even at work, if I could settle things with texts, I do. Boses 7 years old kasi ako kapag walang karamdaman.
Eh nagring!
Eh tapos sinagot!
‘Hey kya. ehe’ NOOO, di naman ako ganon kapabebe.. “Hiiii!” Taas ng pitch te? ang lande?
Ako : Hello? You know who’s this?
Ariel : Uh uh (he was stuttering a little) uh, yea I sorta figured out.
Ako : How are you? I’m just at home, may sakit kasi ako, so for the dormancy that I have I was to call you sa messenger kaya lang baka the signal in Batangas is not good. (O putangina anong ineexplain mo!!)
I could sense from the other line that he’s not actually available to talk, it seems like he’s walking around and/or stacking papers.
Ako : Is it not a good time to talk? Busy ka?
Ariel : No no, actually I’m just on my break, but very short lang, like 15minutes.
Okaaay.. He answered a stranger’s call on a 15minute break. Sige tama na nga, nakakaabala pa ako.
Come friday morning he sent a message.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Im better today, nakapahinga ako hanggang kahapon’ pero huhu sinisipon pa ako.
‘Im going back to Pasig today. Let’s have lunch sa bahay ko? I’ll pick you up in a truck.’
O ano, mag aaya naman pala ulit, atat ka lang te.
Tanginaaa, pangarap ko kasi magkaroon ng pick up! I’ve told him my truck story of how I was to get one but got a sedan instead. Ang angas kasi ng truck, it’s so masculine and capable! (You’ll love to ride!) So my eyes turned into hearts the moment I read it!
He was in a blue and white horizontally striped polo shirt, khaki pants and white laced up shoes. I’m a sucker for people who wear white shoes, because it’s bold and prominent. I myself love my whites, when it’s sneaky clean it says a lot about how well kept you are as a person, crisp at ang lakas makamayaman! If it’s a little ragged (but not dirty to the top), it’s dependable and it’s so good it has taken you to good places! Also he was wearing shades, he was walking towards me para bumeso, very in charge! Parang siyang si Pepito don sa pinanunuod ni Maricel Soriano na telenovela sa movie na Kung Ayaw Mo, Huwag Mo! Yun! Very composed!
Then he opened the car door for me to ride, then went on the other side. This is not the first time na makasakay ako ng pick up pero I’m just really elated every time. Kaya lang I was trying to keep calm kasi mukha siyang pagod, init at inip dahil raw sa traffic.
When he invited me for lunch, I knew we’re gonna have sex, malamang naman nini, pero tanghali.. ang liwanag! I don’t do it in broad daylight.. Or if I do, the room should be dark, but I haven’t assessed his room and its lighting, and there’s no way I’m asking. I’m sort of a strictly lights-off woman. But given the situation, I had to compromise.
Without lights, there’s sensory deprivation, cutting off one sense can help enhance the others, so when you make it impossible to see anything, you boost your remaining senses. I’m a very sensual person, I like feeling every sensation during sex, things can feel so much more stimulating in the dark! Plus, it’s great if you haven’t quite conquered body concerns. I’m not totally comfortable with how my body looks during sex, it…