Just a background on why I feel this way, maybe you’ll say, ‘Puta naman 30 days lang, ang clingy mo.’
So since January I’ve just seen 3 guys. And I only see one guy at a time. Ang hypocrite sounding ba? (Impossible ang landi mo kaya you’ll probably say) Pero kahit kasi ganito akong liberated, that I do sex with strangers.. that I write erotic literature..
First, there’s still this probinsyana in me, na hindi naman ako sobrang pakarat, medyo pakarat lang. Kaya nga ako nagtatago sa isang dummy account, kasi hindi ako openly malandi out there in the universe.
Second, it’s a mean to be safe, the less people you let inside you, the less chances you get at having a disease. (But not so less that you don’t enjoy life, okay? Masaya ka na sa not so less ko?)
Third, so to not spoil the probable budding relationship.. parang pagkain, huwag mong gamitan ng iba’t ibang kutsarang nasubo na para hindi mapanis agad.
I hook up to date, I date for exclusivity and then to marry. That’s how we do it in this generation. BUT from what I have learned no, from the moment it starts to actually ‘BUD’, one will ghost the other. Kasi ganyan ang tao ngayon, yung rationale na ‘Tangina I was just here for the sex, out for the nonsense useless relationship and shit’. So.. unless you know it is mutual, you don’t expose your feelings. Pero how will you know when dba? Eh you’re love making for fucks sake.
That’s the game, you’re playing.. but will you be winning?
First this year was a seaman, he just got back from Brazil, we spent a month together and then I found out he has a girlfriend in Zamboanga so I had to leave the place he got for us (which I believe he paid for 3 months consumption) and then eventually he had to leave for Africa.
Ang ayaw ko sa lahat yung nakisawsaw, because even with this hook up culture that’s going on right now, I’m still a lady who respects relationships. No matter how good the sex is, IF you’re seeing someone REGULARLY (More than twice and going or monthly, whatever your definition of regular is) other than me, just take me out of the picture, I don’t deserve it.
Okay, I’ve mentioned how I can be convenient, I can tailor fit my schedule, I don’t have hang ups, I respect your privacy. (I’d like to add na hindi ako clingy but.. okay erase that, kasi makwento ako eh, and god, who doesn’t like attention.) I have a car and I have a place, AND if it’s not available I might even offer to pay a room, or even better a guy could accompany me on trips, hindi nga lang paid leave to ha, pero bakasyon!
So.. if you’re not satisfied with that, maybe we’re not meant to venture into a sexual relationship. Dont get me wrong though, hindi naman sa love o jowaan agad as I’ve said in NDD1 BUT I’ve entered the late 20s already.. there has to be a journey of some sort with whatever I’m getting into, yung chance na may kapuntahan, yung may thrill of ‘what happens next’, hindi yung isa kang side chic, extra, reserve.. ano, gulong lang?? I’m done with one night stands, I’m done with insensible, unfaithful guys, I’m done with boys, sex always come easy but I’m not out here for it alone anymore.
Another is a SAF officer, in Nuvali for studies, I literally lived there for 2 weeks until he had to go back to Cagayan De Oro where he is based. Eh yung mag asawa ngang magkasama na sa iisang bahay nakakapagkantutan pa sa iba, ano pa yung ang layo dba.
And saklap no, lahat sila umaalis at iniiwan ako. 🙁 Ang gusto ko lang naman gabi gabing sex with someone emotionally and physically available and able! Mahirap ba yon!!
So when I got the news that he is to leave I was skeptical, is he telling me this because he’s bailing out on me or what, kasi no we’ve just seen each other twice, and in the next 30 days or so a follow up would be impossible, maiisip mo, after 30 days meron pa bang excitement diyan? Pagbalik niya gusto ka pa ba niyang makita? Or pagbalik niya maaalala ka pa ba niya? Hindi naman sa nagmamadali, pero igets niyo na lang yung sinasabi ko. Hahahaha Ang Pasig, I mean, sa Pilipinas nga napakaraming babae, tapos Australia pa, edi ano, wala na, di ka na kilala non pagbalik nini.
He is polite, I think he’s the guy who’d rather not say no but could really mean no. That’s something that one must fear, because if a bachelor is like that he’d be available for everyone else, though including you.. BUT/AND/WITH “EVERYONE ELSE”.
I asked if we could meet the next weekend after our little afternoon delight. And guess what? We’re having NDD (5) so yes! We did met up before he left. *little happy dance*
It was a 2-day weekend that I freed for him, I even manipulated my brother who’s on vacation at my place to leave and go on a trip with his friends. I have a way with people and making them do what I want. Hahahaha
I planned my weekend around just lounging, sleeping, Netflix, and of course SEX!
I was in a large purple college shirt, and zebra printed shorts as I was binge watching Riverdale. He came knocking at my door around 5 in the afternoon, he was wearing a light green polo shirt paired with light pink pants.
We went on my bed, and this time I don’t have wardrobe issues as I was just in a shirt and shorts, HAH finally sex na agad! He was swift removing my shirt and his, I was on my back when he tried to pull me up to kiss. He was kneeling and I was guided to sit on him, which I couldn’t get quite right because.. I don’t know.. I have short legs? Or that I don’t want to put my weight on him to sit as he was kneeling on the bed. (I’ve seen this not executed thrice and I haven’t discussed with him, I’ll try to remember to ask next time!) So.. I just went back to laying on my back. He pulled down my bottoms and positioned himself between…