Some Kind of Forever That Never Last

I came across of what I wrote 4 years ago, the pain was so raw, I was pouring my heart out. Here it goes:

“Never did I imagine that one day he would leave me. For someone who keeps on telling me that he loves me and made promises that he would never leave my side. Well, he walked out on me and I didn’t see it coming.

He told me that he loves me yet he had to go. After 6 years of being together, he just left. I thought what we had is a strong foundation, we rarely get into fights. Suddenly he became different, full of anger, hatred and hopelessness that occupied all the space in his heart.

What can I do? I consider myself a veteran in the aspect of love and life, or so I thought. Yet again, for the nth times, this thing happened. I told him, six years is real, I didn’t play around and I thought he was too. We had so many plans for the future. Suddenly, he didn’t want it anymore. I told him, I am like a vase that is so fragile that you wanted to let go because you’re afraid to break me. Deep inside I was telling him, please don’t let me go, hold onto me but he let go of his hand and i was broken into millions of pieces all over again.

I am asking God, Why? Why? Why after six years of being together he left me? Why this awful pain again, only more painful as the days went by. Why giving me false hope that he’ll come back when i know it only happens on the movies. Lord please, just kill that HOPE, I am in so much pain. Love always gives me pains. Why some people have their happy endings, why can’t I?

I miss him terribly but i can’t do anything. It hurts that he does not misses me anymore, don’t care for me anymore. I feel like a kitten, loved and spoiled but all of the sudden, he dropped me in the middle of the street to be hit by the car, and bleed to death. I felt like a newly cooked rice, spitted out just because I’ve burned your tongue, A freshly flower pick-out from the plant only to be placed on the cold marble, not on the vase to be decorated, cherished and looked upon. If you have no plans of taking care of it, why plucked it, knowing it will wither and die, how cruel can you get.

If I shed a million tears, would you still come back to me? Reality is, even If I miss you so terribly, you’re not missing me…anymore.”

Now, I’ve just realized, that I was the girl that he took for granted, worse, he never wanted. I bet he’ll never remember what I will never forget, that I was truly in love with him. I remember that it came to the point that I just want to die to stop the pain, or that pain would surely kill me but here I am, still alive and kind of smiling while reading it again. “Forever” is so overuse these days and it doesn’t apply to me. Do I still believe in “Forever”? Yes I do, even though it will never happen to me, definitely some people have it, some don’t. In reality, there is some kind of FOREVER that never lasts.