The fitness program really paid off, I had dropped 30 lbs and was looking and feeling good. But sadly, my wife became ill just before Christmas that year. We toughed through it, as we always had through bad times… although the outcome was clear, she was terminally ill. I told Josie that I could no longer see her, out of respect for my wife. I was surprised to find out that Josie had news of her own… she decided to leave her husband. She hadn’t told him yet, but she was determined to go.
Fast forward another four months; it was spring and I had just finished the ceremonial and legal obligations, and was now a single man. Funny how life takes it’s twist and turns and no one knows what lies ahead for us tomorrow and beyond. I loved my late wife, we had been through too much to have thrown it all away while she was living. I couldn’t simply unlove her because her desire for fun and sex left her in the last years of her life. There’s more to life than sex, she had been a perfect partner in so many ways. So, I grieved for her… although Josie was still on my mind.
I felt guilty thinking of Josie during that time, and I wondered how it could be that I loved two women. I decided it was possible, as there are different types of love. I’ve never believed in the notion that there is but one special person for each of us, and that fate dictates when we will find them. That concept is for naive young girls, not for realists. The truth is, it’s a blessing to find anyone whom one can even tolerate long-term, let alone finding someone to be a best friend, lover, partner and an equal half in the relationship. We all just do the best we can, and I was lucky to have come so close as I had. But my life wasn’t over yet.
Having spent every moment with my wife, I had not exercised much over the winter. In fact, besides being incredibly busy, I intentionally avoided the park. I knew seeing Josie would interfere with the caretaking of my wife. Now I was alone. Looking in the mirror, I noticed how much I aged in the past 4-5 months. I really needed to get out for some fresh air and get my heart rate up. So, I headed to the park on this fine late-spring morning, and it was a stereotypical spring day; bright blue sky, birds singing, and all that crap. I felt pretty good just being outside and looked forward to the walking/jogging track… hoping Josie would be there. I felt excited as I pulled into the parking lot.
I parked and sat there drinking my coffee and listening to music as I visually scanned the park, just like old times. It took me a minute or so, but I spotted a familiar shape at the far end of the track, making the turn and heading my direction. I recognized her jacket, the same one she was wearing the first time we met… it was Josie! She became clearer as she came closer, and my heart stirred as I watched her. I wondered how she would react to see me. I also wondered if by now she had left her husband. Well, here goes, I thought. I hopped out of my truck and timed my walking to meet Josie face to face as I reached the track. She spotted me before I could get there, and I saw her characteristic huge smile and twinkling eyes as she recognized me. She looked beautiful.
“James! Long time, no see!”
“Hi Josie, you look gorgeous”
“It’s so nice to see you…”
“Yeah, you too!”
Pleasantries aside, now it was a little awkward. I wanted to grab her and kiss her, and it occurred to me that maybe now we could actually kiss in public. Instead, we walked to a picnic table and sat opposite each other. Josie spoke first, “So, how are you? How’s your wife… (and watching my face) Oh, did she.. is she…. Uhm… “
“Yes, she’s uhm… passed…. I’m fine Josie. How are you?”
“Physically I’m fine, but dear hubby is giving me trouble. I’m still with him, er… I mean, living in his house…. He won’t let me go unless I leave with nothing… and I mean, absolutely NOTHING. James, he won’t even give me anything to live on, not even anything to actually move with… not even my clothes…. not the ones he bought, anyway… no car….. nothing. And I’m conflicted, because I hate him and don’t want anything from him… but let’s face it, I have to live. He won’t even buy me a plane ticket to Philippines… He’s cut me off of everything… I can’t even get into the bank account… He lets me come here for a couple hours every day, or out for some shopping, but that’s just about all the freedom I have. I’ve thought about just driving away, just get in the car and keep going, but he would have me picked up for stealing his car… James, I’m trapped.”
“Fuck him, Josie. We’ll think of a way to get you free. Just hang in there a few more days, pretend like nothing is happening. We’ll come up with something.”
“I have to go now”, she said…