Why am I doing this?
I had a severe case of anxiety and my therapist suggested thatI should try to look at myself from the outside and the best way is to tell my story, to myself. So, after a few deep inhale, hold, exhale – fck it, let’s go.
Like everyone else who is ‘batang 90’s’ all of us have been to the era of textmate, which then turns to sexmate. Yes for those who don’t know, that was blind tinder for you self-entitled young generations! haha. You will never know the feeling and suspense of meeting your textmate or sexmate for the first time. I was in high school back then, it was the hype of ‘clan’ and unlitext of Sun cellular. (ohh the nostalgia is real!! haha).
As a normal high school boy, ung kalibugan ko is unlimited din. I was in 2nd-year high school and we always wait in corridors for 3rd and 4th years walking just to stare at their well develop breasts. Even better pag ung bra nila is black or red (the best)! you can see it through the thin white uniform blouse. I attended public school, so expected ung mga students varies from class A – eto ung mga pwede, class B – pwede na konti ayos lang, pero ung mga class S – eto ung mga iniinvite sa palaro ni Taguro. (gets nyo yan kung batang 90s ka).
Sadly, hindi ako gwapo nung highschool. (well ngayon din naman) I was not part of the ‘cool kids’ pero I do have small group of friends na mas prefer maginom ng gin-pomelo kesa maghatid sundo or manligaw ng mga babae. So jan na pumasok ung textmate. Mybeloved Nokia5110 (3310 pag mejo angkat sa buhay) a hand me down phone from my cousin did serve me good. Nung una pang porma lang, para feeling ‘in’ ka sa school pero wala naman load. haha.
Then it started, the amazing Sun of unlimited text. Suddenly nagkaroon ng hope ung mga kagaya namin na loser sa school. Ung isa sa tropa ko mejo may kaya and nauna na sya magkaroon ng cp saming lahat, nakikibasa lang kami sa mga katextmate nya. But tables turned, I now have my own and he gave me a number to start texting.
Me having some background on how the textmate-system works (kasi nakikibasa na kami) I started a little aggressive. My intro was something like ‘hello binigay ni Bryan ung number mo, malibog ka ba?’Thinking about it now, makes me laugh, oh man I was really fucked up growing up. So few minutes passed, no reply. Hours, still nothing. All this while pretending I’m listening to my Values Education teacher who I swear looks like the late Miriam Defensor.
Suddenly, I felt a vibration, she replies and the message is along the lines of ‘sino to? oo malibog ako, ikaw ba?’ Oh boy, I felt the urge down to my stomach like I wanted to scream like I won a lottery. I tried to be cool or at least pretend to be cool so my reply was‘depende, bakit masarap ka ba?’ At this point, I cannot hold it to myself, I sneakily showed the message to my classmate next to me (proud ako perstaym eh!) and he gave me a muscle flex sign which means yeah boy! (to validate my ego) I cannot stop staring at the tiny display screen of my 5110 with the…