Spa Sessions: Surprise, Surprise – Part I

“Sir Richard, sabi na nga ba babalik ka! Di mo ko makalimutan, noh? Hahaha!”

Ok, for the record, my name is NOT Richard. It’s Francis. France to my friends, Kiko to my uncles, and Francis Raymond Valencia Marasigan to my mom when she’s angry. Why do I use Richard? I have no idea. Anyway, who gives their real name at a Spa that offers a “happy ending?” No one, that’s who.

“Oo naman! Di ako makatulog simula nang manggaling ako dito!”

“Bolero ka talaga, sir! Pero warning na kita, di ako pwede. Kasi meron ang lola mo ngayon! Hahahaha!”

Too much information.

“Aww sayang naman. Ready pa naman ako. Hehehe. Sino ba nandiyan?”

Cindy, which I’m sure as hell isn’t her real name, took out the logbook and opened it to the list of therapists for the day.

“Ok, sir, nandito si Cammy, si Scarlet, si Lara, si Gal Gadot, si…”

“Gal Gadot?!”

“Yes sir! Kamukha ni Wonder Woman! Kaka-start lang last week!”

I doubt it. When receptionists say that the therapists or “theras” look like a certain celebrity, 80% percent of the time they really don’t. Had an experience when I was told the my thera looked liked Kim Chiu. More like Chiu-bacca, damn it. No, thank you.

“Kunin mo, sir?”

“Sino pa nandiyan?”

At that moment, I hear a couple of girls hurry behind me and disappear behind the curtains leading to their “holding rooms.” As I continue down the list, I could have sworn one of them peeks thru the velvet cloth to look at me. As I look up, she’s gone.

“Ayan, sir, tamang tama. Dumating na sina Sonja and Rey. Si Rey, sir bago talaga yun. As in kahapon lang. Newbie yan.”

If you haven’t noticed, the theras names are based on female superheroes or lead characters. Cammy (Street Fighter), Scarlet (GI Joe), Lara (Tomb Raider), etcetera, etcetera.

Also, “newbie” means new to the spa “industry.”

“Sige, si Rey na lang. 800 diba?”


What, Episode One was still fresh on my mind. So, shoot me.

I’ve been going to Spas like this for years now. Probably ten years already. I’ve had my share of “memorable moments….